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Adult children of divorce

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies
Its been 2 years since my parents divorced. It was a longtime coming. I'm 22 now and married myself with a baby on the way so embarking in parenthood myself soon. Its exciting. Anyways, myself and my two siblings; both younger by more than 5 years were effected by the divorce.

I ignored it the best I could until last night. My mom met someone a few months before the divorce was finalized and is now married to someone who treats her well. I was invited to the wedding and we her children were asked to make sure we felt he was right for her. She wanted our input before she got remarried. Of course having the opportunity to get to know our now stepdad was great and hes very caring and supportive and there for my mom which is all she ever wanted, given how bad my dad treated her for many years.

Now...my dad informed me through text last year he was engaged to someone he used to go to school with. Ok whatever. Doesnt talk to my sister. Rarely reaches out to my brother and only ever contacts me unless he feels obligated. Like a happy birthday or a random check in. Well out of the blue he sends me a message stating that the 24th hes getting married to his fiance. The issue my siblings and I have is although we live miles apart, we got no invite, he didn't care to find a way for us to meet her nothing. Be blasts his almost new family on his social media; her kids and grand son as if we never existed and acts like his first grandchild, the baby we are expecting is not important or anything. We're on the back burner.


Its sad how it took growing up to see just how much of a piece of shit my father is.

Are you an adult child of divorce? Were you hlad your parents decided to split? What happened aftwr that really drove you insane and stung a bit?


Backstory of my parents; in short: my dad was mentally and physically abusive to my siblings and I and we found out 4 years ago also towards my mom. My sinlings and I moved with my mom to a different state because my mom was threatened by him so bad she had to leave. So we all went especially to support her not just because she's our mom. Its sad how we all were treated. He was like this from the time I was born and so on. Never took no for an answer. It was his way or no way. We grew up on eggshells. No laughing or fighting allowed or wed be punished. He wasn't a dad or a good husband for that matter.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
KairisMama
by Sapphire Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:24 AM
My parents divorced when I was 21. I was angry with Dad as he left. He cheated. He didn’t give up on maintaining a relationship with my brothers and me though.

Now at 37 both parents have been remarried for over a decade. My relationship with both is fine. My dad is involved with his grandkids, as is my mom.

I’m sorry for how your dad is acting. That has to feel terrible.
ELKmountain.mom
by Peepers on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:25 AM
My mom found out about my dads long affair a few months after I got married. It was devastating, after lying about her for a few more years (even though my parents divorced) he married her. We all get along now but it messed with my security in a major way! I still struggle with the insecurity of how my Dad treated his marriage. It’s heart breaking to think you stay together through all the hard stuff and just as your children are moving out you ruin it. Plus he missed most of my hs life thanks to being so wrapped up in his double life.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:36 AM
My parents are separated. But won't file for divorce... My mom had an affair with their boarder (now her boyfriend) he will never be step-dad to me or grandpa to my kids. He is refered to by his first name. My dad has been living with his friend. (female, married and my age. She has two kids around my kids age. Her husband is in a long term care home for MS and drug use. My dad claims they are not together in that way, he spends more time caring for her kids. Then he sees his own grand children. My husband thinks they are together based on how they acted when I am not around)... My family is messed up
Momtoone07
by Emerald Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:43 AM
I haven't seen or heard from my father for five years. We were extremely close. We worked together, every day, fire many years. I was 35 when they divorced. It was a nightmare. My mother was pretty terrible through it and we didn't speak for four years. We reconciled about two years ago.
andrea.jordan
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 3:31 AM
I wasn't an adult when my parents finally divorced, I was 15/16 but I was so glad that they did.

They were both equally stubborn but when it came to new relationships or dating, my dad was very slow when he was dating because we had to get used to them being divorced so he gave us emotional respect.

My mother not so much, after the divorce we moved back with her and when we did bam! A complete stranger was living in our house. We had seen him once before but was told he was a "friend" and so we never saw him again until 3/4 years later and he was living in our house. The divorce was still raw so we were very hesitant, wary and withdrawn with him and our mother for about 6 month after moving in because she didn't tell or warn us about him at all. Yet she thinks we were traumatized by our dad when we lived with him.

Now my mother is married to another man who I barely know, never really had a conversation with him or got to know him. She didn't invite me to their wedding and plans on doing a bigger wedding in Hawaii which I don't plan on going because I felt like if I'm not good enough to go to the first one then why bother going to the second. Plus his family lives in Hawaii, I feel like why should I meet his family when I don't even know him???
MixedCooke
by Ruby Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 7:17 AM
I was happy they divorced
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 4, 2018 at 3:37 PM

My husband & I will be going through a divorce soon. We have 2 adult children.

They both know that their father is the, Never took no for an answer. It was his way or no way. We grew up on eggshells. No laughing or fighting allowed or wed be punished. He wasn't a dad or a good husband for that matter.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 4, 2018 at 3:45 PM

I was 18 when my parents divorced. 

I was never really mad. I was upset but it'd been a long time coming. They married too young and both had issues, both were abused by their parents and used each other as excuse to leave those situations. My dad went even further, into the army, and developed PTSD. He shut down a lot and my mom didn't know how to deal. Especially with three kids. 

They are much healthier people now. I've never seen my dad as happy as he is every day with my stepmother. My mom has had it a little rockier, but she's so much more confident in herself now, she takes the challenges head on. 

It was a good decision - I wish they'd made it sooner. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 4, 2018 at 3:50 PM

My parents got divorced like 10 years ago I have no contact with mom or dad (or my siblings) i really don't talk to anyone

ShaMac
by Emerald Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 5:35 PM
That is similar to our story. Except switch out mom for dad.

Quoting KairisMama: My parents divorced when I was 21. I was angry with Dad as he left. He cheated. He didn’t give up on maintaining a relationship with my brothers and me though.

Now at 37 both parents have been remarried for over a decade. My relationship with both is fine. My dad is involved with his grandkids, as is my mom.

I’m sorry for how your dad is acting. That has to feel terrible.
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