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I thought I wouldn’t be here.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 54 Replies
My ex dh saw me as a gravy train and I let him. I was injured and received a settlement before we were married. I used that money to buy him out of trouble over and over again. I paid to fix things he damaged when he was angry. I paid to bail him out when he got in an accident with no insurance. I paid his child support when he wouldn’t. And my step kids medical bills and health insurance when he and their mother both refused to step up and take care of it. I paid for him to get his GED and to go to college. Provided him with vehicles when he got bored with his and destroyed them. So many other things.

It was always something.

But I saw it as investing in my husband, in our marriage, in our future. I saw it as investing in our children. I saw it as doing what any good wife would do. And I told myself he would do it for me too.

Well... then one day I realized it was almost all gone. And I absolutely panicked. I actually started thinking of things in terms of “well I won’t get to go to SD’s graduation next year, the money will be gone and I won’t be here.”

I literally believed he would kill me when the money ran out.

And I believed I deserved it. Because I would become worthless to him, so he should.

That’s what it was like being married to him.

Now I’m flat broke. I work 3 jobs just to support my kids. Ex fell off the face of the earth and doesn’t bother with them. But I’m here. And I remember that there was a time when I literally believed that this day, this time, didn’t exist for me. No way I’d live to see 2018 if I didn’t have money to keep paying him off.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 8, 2018 at 7:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mojogirl
by Ouiser Boudreaux on Feb. 8, 2018 at 7:47 PM
This is so sad.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 8, 2018 at 7:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Pathetic I think is a better word.

Quoting mojogirl: This is so sad.
mojogirl
by Ouiser Boudreaux on Feb. 9, 2018 at 9:20 AM
3 moms liked this
Pathetic is not being able to overcome our mistakes. You've lived, you've learned, you've moved on. That's what's important.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Pathetic I think is a better word.

Quoting mojogirl: This is so sad.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 9, 2018 at 9:24 AM
Wow, what attracted you to him in the first place? He didn't seem like had anything going for himself. Was it just your severely low self-esteem?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 9, 2018 at 9:35 AM
Who left whom and was there something in your life that lead to such low self esteem?

Quoting Anonymous 1: Pathetic I think is a better word.

Quoting mojogirl: This is so sad.
Malissa1578
by Platinum Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 9:39 AM

It sounds like you felt like you had to "fix" him. It is sad that you had to go thru all of that to see the truth, but some of us have to learn thru harder lessons than others. I hope you realize you are better off now than you ever were with him... 

Aolekeia
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 9:58 AM

You were completely lying to yourself.  I’m sure you knew from the beginning this wasn’t investing in your children.  You put his fuckery over your children’s future.  The way not to repeat mistakes is to be completely honest with ourselves and learn from them.  I’m glad you moved on from that asshole, but you were just as much to blame.  You have your life and your beautiful children’s lives.  Own it, learn from it, and most importantly forgive yourself.  Get help and really learn to love yourself.  Good luck to you mama!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 10:34 AM
I swear on my life and all that I can I genuinely believed I was doing what was best for my kids for a long, long time. Until I didn’t.

Quoting Aolekeia:

You were completely lying to yourself.  I’m sure you knew from the beginning this wasn’t investing in your children.  You put his fuckery over your children’s future.  The way not to repeat mistakes is to be completely honest with ourselves and learn from them.  I’m glad you moved on from that asshole, but you were just as much to blame.  You have your life and your beautiful children’s lives.  Own it, learn from it, and most importantly forgive yourself.  Get help and really learn to love yourself.  Good luck to you mama!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 10:35 AM
I am better off. I just wish I’d made better choices so my life would’ve be quite so hard right now. It is though. And that’s okay.

Quoting Malissa1578:

It sounds like you felt like you had to "fix" him. It is sad that you had to go thru all of that to see the truth, but some of us have to learn thru harder lessons than others. I hope you realize you are better off now than you ever were with him... 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 10:35 AM
I left him.

And I don’t understand the second part.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Who left whom and was there something in your life that lead to such low self esteem?

Quoting Anonymous 1: Pathetic I think is a better word.

Quoting mojogirl: This is so sad.
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