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I'm sorry you are jealous but I'm not going to put up with your nonsense!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
With sil has a 4 month old baby. Her and her dh spent 9 years which included several miscarriages and a lot of expense of infertility treatments in order to have their son. They originally planned for her to be a stay-at-home mom until their child went to kindergarten. However because of how much that they had to go into for their fertility treatments and all the medical expensive she had from the pregnancy which was extremely high risk, she had to go back to work at 8 weeks post partum. I definitely understand why this is hard for her but she has been a real b**** to me lately. I think part of it is the fact that I get to be a stay-at-home mom with my five children, one of whom is a month younger than hers ( don't get me started on how pissed she was when she found out that I was also pregnant). The other part is that she asked if I would babysit her baby for free 3 days a week. She said if I could do that she would be able to avoid her $200 a week daycare cost and they could afford for her to work just 3 days a week instead of 5. I told her I couldn't do it. Like I said at that point I was about to have my fifth child and adding a 6 3 days a week two of them would be infants was just too much. And to do it for free, I just wasn't interested. So in her mind it's my fault that she has to work 5 days a week instead of 3.

She has started making nasty comments to me lately, both in person and on fb. She will post under comments and pictures of me doing fun stuff with my kids during the day with things like "must be nice to have nothing to do all day". The other day we were at my mother-in-law's house I was talking to my mother-in-law about stuff I was doing with the kids. All the sudden she blows up and says that I need to stop bragging and that I should be ashamed to myself. That I wouldn't even help her knowing that it would mean more time with her child after she spent nearly a decade trying to become a mother. She said now 5 days a week she comes home from work and only has like an hour with her baby before it's time for bed. So she doesn't want to hear about how I get to do stuff with my kids. She was yelling and calling all sorts of names. Finally I told my mother-in-law thank you for having us but we need to leave. I told my sister-in-law that I'm sorry she's clearly jealous of the life that I have but she needs to work that out on her own but I'm not going to be around her until she can get her jealousy under control.

We left. My husband hadn't even gotten there yet as he was coming straight from work. My mother-in-law called me saying that it's not fair for me to take the grandkids away that they were looking forward to spending time with them. I said I'm sorry but I'm not dealing with her nonsense. She called my husband complaining the same way he said the same thing. He said that until sister-in-law can get her jealousy under control don't expect us to be anywhere that she is. And when we host things she will not be invited
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 9, 2018 at 10:56 AM
Replies (141-150):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:08 PM
Well In fairness I paid surrogate would have probably cost what they spent infertility treatments. Because remember you have to pay the legal fees the surrogate and medical expenses which is usually not covered by insurance as well as the cost of harvesting eggs and creating the embryo. I do agree that adoption would have probably been cheaper though there's no guarantees. I guess there's no guarantees with fertility treatment either though

Quoting hburnette3: If the cost was putting them in a bad spot they should have found a surrogate or adopted.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:09 PM
My mother-in-law still works a full-time job. I'm not the only family in town but I'm the only stay-at-home mom in their family anyway.

Quoting Anonymous 14:

Why can't MIL watch the baby?   Are you the only family in town?

My heart hurts for you SIL. Dealing with miscarriages and infertility treatments is emotionally taxing.  A finally having a healthy wonderful baby doesn't dismiss all of that anxiety and heartbreak. 

Having said that, it isn't fair that she is laying a guilt trip on you.   I personally wouldn't want someone with 5 kids including a newborn of their own to be watch my newborn.  Hopefully, she and her DH can figure something out financially so she can be home more, but that is on them, not you and DH.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:11 PM
Sil insisted they needed it in this up and coming neighborhood so she didn't feel " less than" in her circle of friends. They are really big about keeping up with Joneses if you know what I mean. It's a total facade though. My nephew wanted a new backpack this year and was told no because they "can't afford it" she can sure afford to stop at starbucks twice a day every day though.

Quoting Anonymous 1: That's crazy. It sounds like they can most likely afford for her to stay home if they got a smaller maybe three bedroom house. What in the world does a family of four need with a seven-bedroom house?

Quoting Anonymous 12: I don't blame you one bit I have 4 sils yup 4!! My dh has 2 sisters and I have 2 brothers my brothers wife is just like this it's expected since I'm a sahm I am available to babysit whenever our kids go to the same school so breaks and stuff the kids would always come here for free of course. Finally over Christmas break I put my foot down to dhs sisters and my brothers wife I said no more!!! So now I get to hear from my brothers wife how she wishes she could stay home and so on and so fourth but she can't afford it she can but they seem to think they are millionaires or whatever he drives a BMW and she drives a Mercedes they just bought a 7 bedroom house they have 2 kids. She could afford to stay home but they would rather spend their money like that so I pointed it out and she got super mad! Her and my brother took advantage of my mom for YEARS until the kids got in school.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:12 PM
2 moms liked this
First of all this is not my brother's family. If you read the post at all and had any reading comprehension you would know that since I was talking about being at my mother-in-law's house with my sister-in-law. It's not that I don't have compassion for what she went through I just don't see it's my responsibility to watch her baby three days a week for five and a half years for free so that she can be home an extra two days with her baby. They are not asking for one afternoon a week or one morning all week. That wouldn't help at all. Because daycare is don't discount if you have somebody else watch her baby one afternoon a week. Like I said they needed 3 days a week. There's absolutely nothing rude about saying no to babysitting somebody's Kid 3 days a week for free. Especially when you already have five of your own one being an infant. There's also nothing rude about not wanting to deal with somebody who's nasty to you because of their own situation

Quoting Anonymous 3: I think the way OP is describing her SIL is awful.
She is not 1 bit compassionate to that womans situation.

Fertility issues are hard- yet this woman has no compassion for the financial or emotional drain put on her brothers family.

The idea that she couldnt find any time to help. Not offering an afternoon, not a morning, nothing so that her brothers family could get out from their financial burden or that a new mom could spend a few hours w/ her newborn.

As a SAHM I have a lot of sympathy for people who want kids and cant have them.
I have a lot of sympathy for those that struggle financially.
I have a lot of sympathy for moms who have to leave their neeborns to work.

Id ask IF the shoe was on the other foot, how would OP be?
Cause she sounds rude and heartless.

Quoting Anonymous 7:

What is awful about OP setting a clear and healthy boundary on her time with her sister in law? She has FIVE children and one is just a few months old!! That's certainly enough to keep anyone busy, I know I would have a tough time juggling all of that!

Quoting Anonymous 3: You both sound awful but I feel badly for her.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:15 PM
The point is if she worked 3 days a week then she figured I could watch her baby for free thereby saving the daycare costs all together. They are paying over $200 a week so financially it would be doable to take the pay cut and go to 3 days a week because it would save over 200 in daycare. I think she planned on adding and out of their hour and a half to each of her working days. She works as a medical biller and coder and to an extent they can kind of set their own hours in the office.

My kids are infant, almost 3, 5, 7 and almost 10. Three of them are still not in school yet

Quoting ZamilyMom: This doesn't make sense. If SIL works 3 days or 5 days a week, would she not be paying the same amount per day? How could she need to work 5 days a week and pay childcare 5 days a week, but could not work 3 days a week and pay childcare for only 3 days a week?

P.S. How old are your children?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:17 PM
I think part of the problem was that they owed a lot because of her high-risk pregnancy. She spent I think two months in the hospital. But I still think it's wrong that she just assumed I would watch her baby and is now blaming me for the whole situation

Quoting iamme1986: Yea she should have figured this out while she was pregnant still. It's not like she didn't know she would need a babysitter at some point.
Annonamos
by Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:18 PM

If she can afford food, clothing, housing, medical care, and education for her kids, then I don't care if she has 10 of them, and neither should anyone else.

My sil asked me to babysit her two toddlers, 5 days a week, for $100 a week.  I had a 3 month old at the time, who did not sleep through the night yet.  I slept when my baby slept.  I would not have been able to do that with a 1 and 2 year old runnin around.  So I told her no.  She and my mil were pissy about it, but they got over it.

It's great to help family when you can, and I would even endure some inconvenience to do it, but at the same time, you have to do what is best for YOUR family, your own kids, first.

I  know OP's sil went to a lot of trouble and expense to get pregnant and have a baby. I cannot imagine going through all that and NOT planning financially so that I could stay home with the child.  That bit of irresponsibility is on the sil and her dh, NOT on OP.

As the old saying goes, Failure to plan on your part does NOT equal an emegency on my part.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Yeah, she should not be taking it out on you but basically you're saying you won't help out 3 days a week because you've decided to be a baby machine.  Your entire attitude is off putting and you don't look any better than your SIL at this point.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:18 PM
How does one have a good attitude about being expected to be somebody's verbal punching bag because they are jealous of your lifestyle and angry that you won't be there free babysitter for 3 days a week for five and a half years?

Quoting msjaxon: Naw.. She has a bad attitude attached. Her feelings are justified and maybe it's how she has expressed them but she doesn't come across as sympathetic.

Quoting Anonymous 5: False.

Op has her own children to care for. She has an infant of her own. The SIL crisis isn't the Ops emergency.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Yeah, she should not be taking it out on you but basically you're saying you won't help out 3 days a week because you've decided to be a baby machine.  Your entire attitude is off putting and you don't look any better than your SIL at this point.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:20 PM
It really wouldn't surprise me if she expected me at least at some point to end up supplying things like diapers and wipes. Especially as our babies are the same age and will probably wear the same size diapers. I mean somebody who feels entitled to free babysitting 3 days a week for five and a half years is probably not going to be too concerned about making sure they are supplying diapers

Quoting Anonymous 15: Not to mention if you have to supply diapers and if she won’t keep him at home when he is sick. I wouldn’t do it, either.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I did feel badly for her. I mean I love being a stay-at-home mom and it must suck to not be able to be one if that's what you want. Especially since she went so long trying to become a mother. However I don't think I am awful for not wanting to watch her child 3 days a week for five and a half years for basically nothing. If you factor that a babysitter 3 days a week costs about $100 a week which is on the low end especially because I would be expected to feed him using my own food doing so for five and a half years would be between 25 and $30,000 worth of babysitting for free.

Quoting Anonymous 3: You both sound awful but I feel badly for her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:22 PM
I guess it just depends on what kind of Health that woman is in but my grandmother is 79 years old I can't imagine her watching an infant. But you also have to remember that it's not just about watching One infant. I have my own as well as for other children and three of my kids are not in school yet. I have enough on my plate. I don't need to be adding another infant. Could I do it probably but I wouldn't be able to do this kind of things that I want to be able to do for my children.

Quoting msjaxon: I'm not saying you should babysit but you don't have to make a 5 year commitment. It could be just to give her a little extra time. You know your life but I know plenty of people, older ladies watching a couple infants. I would've been lost had my 78 year old grandma not watched my DD for the first 2 years of her life and his mom helped too.

I was able to work 2.5 days a week for her first year and then 4.5 after that.


Quoting Anonymous 1: I did feel badly for her. I mean I love being a stay-at-home mom and it must suck to not be able to be one if that's what you want. Especially since she went so long trying to become a mother. However I don't think I am awful for not wanting to watch her child 3 days a week for five and a half years for basically nothing. If you factor that a babysitter 3 days a week costs about $100 a week which is on the low end especially because I would be expected to feed him using my own food doing so for five and a half years would be between 25 and $30,000 worth of babysitting for free.

Quoting Anonymous 3: You both sound awful but I feel badly for her.
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