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I'm sorry you are jealous but I'm not going to put up with your nonsense!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
With sil has a 4 month old baby. Her and her dh spent 9 years which included several miscarriages and a lot of expense of infertility treatments in order to have their son. They originally planned for her to be a stay-at-home mom until their child went to kindergarten. However because of how much that they had to go into for their fertility treatments and all the medical expensive she had from the pregnancy which was extremely high risk, she had to go back to work at 8 weeks post partum. I definitely understand why this is hard for her but she has been a real b**** to me lately. I think part of it is the fact that I get to be a stay-at-home mom with my five children, one of whom is a month younger than hers ( don't get me started on how pissed she was when she found out that I was also pregnant). The other part is that she asked if I would babysit her baby for free 3 days a week. She said if I could do that she would be able to avoid her $200 a week daycare cost and they could afford for her to work just 3 days a week instead of 5. I told her I couldn't do it. Like I said at that point I was about to have my fifth child and adding a 6 3 days a week two of them would be infants was just too much. And to do it for free, I just wasn't interested. So in her mind it's my fault that she has to work 5 days a week instead of 3.

She has started making nasty comments to me lately, both in person and on fb. She will post under comments and pictures of me doing fun stuff with my kids during the day with things like "must be nice to have nothing to do all day". The other day we were at my mother-in-law's house I was talking to my mother-in-law about stuff I was doing with the kids. All the sudden she blows up and says that I need to stop bragging and that I should be ashamed to myself. That I wouldn't even help her knowing that it would mean more time with her child after she spent nearly a decade trying to become a mother. She said now 5 days a week she comes home from work and only has like an hour with her baby before it's time for bed. So she doesn't want to hear about how I get to do stuff with my kids. She was yelling and calling all sorts of names. Finally I told my mother-in-law thank you for having us but we need to leave. I told my sister-in-law that I'm sorry she's clearly jealous of the life that I have but she needs to work that out on her own but I'm not going to be around her until she can get her jealousy under control.

We left. My husband hadn't even gotten there yet as he was coming straight from work. My mother-in-law called me saying that it's not fair for me to take the grandkids away that they were looking forward to spending time with them. I said I'm sorry but I'm not dealing with her nonsense. She called my husband complaining the same way he said the same thing. He said that until sister-in-law can get her jealousy under control don't expect us to be anywhere that she is. And when we host things she will not be invited
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 9, 2018 at 10:56 AM
Replies (161-170):
Talkingheads
by Emerald Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:32 PM
1 mom liked this
Refusing to be yelled at and having names called at you is not having a tantrum it's called removing yourself from a volatile situation. She isn't withholding the children from the Grandparents. She just said that until Sil could get control over her emotions then she nor her children will be around Sil. That's very mature and exactly the correct thing to do

Quoting Anonymous 20: I think OP lacks compassion and is self centered. She doesn’t have to watch the kids but she doesn’t have to be a nasty person about it either. So they are both wrong. And OP is punishing her in laws by withholding the kids, her in laws haven’t done anything wrong. Also storming out and having a tantrum is immature.

Quoting Talkingheads: Please tell me how OP is wrong? Why is OP in the wrong for saying she believes that caring for 6 kids ,two of who are infants too much? Why is that wrong? Just because it doesn't fit Sil's agenda does not make it wrong

Quoting Anonymous 20: I don’t think either of you is right in this situation.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:33 PM
2 moms liked this
I think to some of these women OP saying no and not agreeing to be sils free childcare was nasty! Because they are family OP is obligated to change her whole life and put a strain o herself bc sil wants her to.

Quoting Talkingheads: Once again how was she being a nasty person?

Quoting Anonymous 20: I think OP lacks compassion and is self centered. She doesn’t have to watch the kids but she doesn’t have to be a nasty person about it either. So they are both wrong. And OP is punishing her in laws by withholding the kids, her in laws haven’t done anything wrong. Also storming out and having a tantrum is immature.

Quoting Talkingheads: Please tell me how OP is wrong? Why is OP in the wrong for saying she believes that caring for 6 kids ,two of who are infants too much? Why is that wrong? Just because it doesn't fit Sil's agenda does not make it wrong

Quoting Anonymous 20: I don’t think either of you is right in this situation.
Talkingheads
by Emerald Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this
They are flat out wrong and just as entitled as SiL is.

Quoting Anonymous 12: I think to some of these women OP saying no and not agreeing to be sils free childcare was nasty! Because they are family OP is obligated to change her whole life and put a strain o herself bc sil wants her to.

Quoting Talkingheads: Once again how was she being a nasty person?

Quoting Anonymous 20: I think OP lacks compassion and is self centered. She doesn’t have to watch the kids but she doesn’t have to be a nasty person about it either. So they are both wrong. And OP is punishing her in laws by withholding the kids, her in laws haven’t done anything wrong. Also storming out and having a tantrum is immature.

Quoting Talkingheads: Please tell me how OP is wrong? Why is OP in the wrong for saying she believes that caring for 6 kids ,two of who are infants too much? Why is that wrong? Just because it doesn't fit Sil's agenda does not make it wrong

Quoting Anonymous 20: I don’t think either of you is right in this situation.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:35 PM
I'm nice and I care about him too. But I'm not in the position to offer child care for an infant 3 days a week on top of the five that I have. Especially not for free

Quoting Anonymous 18: I'd watch him 3 days a week. I'm nice though and care about my nephew.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 15 on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:35 PM
I have A LOT of SYMPATHY for women like those of YOU who are running OP down for making a choice that has absolutely NOTHING to do with her NOT being sympathetic towards SIL.

And to INSIST she babysit for FREE shows how much of a PSYCHO SIL is!

CASE CLOSED!!!

Quoting Anonymous 1: I'm not right because I don't want to babysit for free 3 days a week? It's not my job to do so. There's nothing wrong or even not right about it.

Quoting msjaxon: I like the way you stated this. I was having a hard time getting out how OP is not wrong BUT isn't right either.

Quoting Anonymous 3: I think the way OP is describing her SIL is awful.
She is not 1 bit compassionate to that womans situation.

Fertility issues are hard- yet this woman has no compassion for the financial or emotional drain put on her brothers family.

The idea that she couldnt find any time to help. Not offering an afternoon, not a morning, nothing so that her brothers family could get out from their financial burden or that a new mom could spend a few hours w/ her newborn.

As a SAHM I have a lot of sympathy for people who want kids and cant have them.
I have a lot of sympathy for those that struggle financially.
I have a lot of sympathy for moms who have to leave their neeborns to work.

Id ask IF the shoe was on the other foot, how would OP be?
Cause she sounds rude and heartless.

Quoting Anonymous 7:

What is awful about OP setting a clear and healthy boundary on her time with her sister in law? She has FIVE children and one is just a few months old!! That's certainly enough to keep anyone busy, I know I would have a tough time juggling all of that!

Quoting Anonymous 3: You both sound awful but I feel badly for her.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 15 on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:36 PM
Plus, OP you are having your own baby soon. That is TOO much for you. You are doing the right thing.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I'm nice and I care about him too. But I'm not in the position to offer child care for an infant 3 days a week on top of the five that I have. Especially not for free

Quoting Anonymous 18: I'd watch him 3 days a week. I'm nice though and care about my nephew.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:37 PM
In what way am I Wrong? Am I obligated to provide free childcare 3 days a week? Am I obligated to be her emotional punching bag because she's jealous of my lifestyle and ability to get pregnant easily?

Quoting Anonymous 20: I don’t think either of you is right in this situation.
hart57
by Ruby Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:37 PM
I feel bad for her. But she shouldn’t be taking it out on you. She needs to figure this out.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:39 PM
I feel bad that she cannot stay home with her son. Especially because he will likely be the only one they have. I love staying home with my children. I love knowing that I'm the one to take care of them. I can't imagine leaving my baby in a daycare at such a young age.

Quoting Anonymous 19:

Poor SIL.  I feel sorry for her.  I wish there was someone I could help her work less and be able to spend more time with her miracle baby.  I understand how she feels.  That being said, she should not be taking her anger out on you.  She should unfollow you on FB since your post make her feel bad.  She is an adult and she needs to learn how to limit her interactions and exposure to your life on her own.  

It's too bad they can't just rack up more credit card debt or reduce expenses in some fashion so she can stay at home with her baby.   But that's her and her husband's business, not yours or ours.

redheadtmk
by Ruby Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:40 PM
As someone who is struggling with infertility for child #2 and have spent close to $100,000, and is saving up another $100,000 for a surrogate, I would not expect someone to watch my kids for free so I can have the luxury of sitting at home with them. Everyone has choices in life and sometimes those choices suck. Life is hard but you suck it up and deal with what you are handed, not make it someone else's problem.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Exactly. It's like I said before it's one thing to help family members by babysitting for an occasional night out or in a pinch if there's an emergency. But doing somebody a favor should not change your entire lifestyle.

Quoting redheadtmk: These women who think you are petty and selfish should fund her life so she can stay home.

There is a difference between family helping family when they can and family being total martyrs who never say no even if it's a ginormous inconvenience and makes them struggle.

I would not put up with her bitchy behavior either. There is zero reason for that disrespect.
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