Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I'm sorry you are jealous but I'm not going to put up with your nonsense!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
With sil has a 4 month old baby. Her and her dh spent 9 years which included several miscarriages and a lot of expense of infertility treatments in order to have their son. They originally planned for her to be a stay-at-home mom until their child went to kindergarten. However because of how much that they had to go into for their fertility treatments and all the medical expensive she had from the pregnancy which was extremely high risk, she had to go back to work at 8 weeks post partum. I definitely understand why this is hard for her but she has been a real b**** to me lately. I think part of it is the fact that I get to be a stay-at-home mom with my five children, one of whom is a month younger than hers ( don't get me started on how pissed she was when she found out that I was also pregnant). The other part is that she asked if I would babysit her baby for free 3 days a week. She said if I could do that she would be able to avoid her $200 a week daycare cost and they could afford for her to work just 3 days a week instead of 5. I told her I couldn't do it. Like I said at that point I was about to have my fifth child and adding a 6 3 days a week two of them would be infants was just too much. And to do it for free, I just wasn't interested. So in her mind it's my fault that she has to work 5 days a week instead of 3.

She has started making nasty comments to me lately, both in person and on fb. She will post under comments and pictures of me doing fun stuff with my kids during the day with things like "must be nice to have nothing to do all day". The other day we were at my mother-in-law's house I was talking to my mother-in-law about stuff I was doing with the kids. All the sudden she blows up and says that I need to stop bragging and that I should be ashamed to myself. That I wouldn't even help her knowing that it would mean more time with her child after she spent nearly a decade trying to become a mother. She said now 5 days a week she comes home from work and only has like an hour with her baby before it's time for bed. So she doesn't want to hear about how I get to do stuff with my kids. She was yelling and calling all sorts of names. Finally I told my mother-in-law thank you for having us but we need to leave. I told my sister-in-law that I'm sorry she's clearly jealous of the life that I have but she needs to work that out on her own but I'm not going to be around her until she can get her jealousy under control.

We left. My husband hadn't even gotten there yet as he was coming straight from work. My mother-in-law called me saying that it's not fair for me to take the grandkids away that they were looking forward to spending time with them. I said I'm sorry but I'm not dealing with her nonsense. She called my husband complaining the same way he said the same thing. He said that until sister-in-law can get her jealousy under control don't expect us to be anywhere that she is. And when we host things she will not be invited
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 9, 2018 at 10:56 AM
Replies (171-180):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:40 PM
I'm not rubbing anything in at all. And I don't enjoy the fact that me living my life upsets her.

Quoting Anonymous 23: Admit it ..... you enjoy rubbing it in a bit to your SIL.
Talkingheads
by Emerald Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:50 PM
She never said she was keeping them from the Grandparents. She said that about Sil. If Mil can't handle having a relationship with OPs family without Sil then that is Mil's choice and she will have to deal with not seeing OPs family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with refusing to babysit for whatever reason. Especially when OP was honest to Sil and told her that it would be too much for her. Sil is being very negligent in this situation and I seriously question her ability to parent. Seriously, what type of parent would demand someone to babysit for them when that person said no it's too much. In what way is that beneficial to the child? It's not. Sil is putting her own selfish desires over what's good for her son

Quoting crimson417: I'm glad I live within a family that actually helps each other and lifts each other up instead of a miserable one most of you ladies live in. I would help out my sil, I'm sure she would also help me if I ever needed it. I also couldn't imagine keeping kids from their grandparents just to teach them a lesson.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:51 PM

Put whatever you want on facebook (don't tag her, though), but when you are sitting with her and mil face-to-face, maybe tone it down a little.

This applies to lots of stuff. If you are hanging with someone who just lost their dog, you don't go on and on about your new puppy. Talking to someone who is going through chemo and can't eat isn't the time to describe the amazing meal you had last night. 

It is called being tactful and sensitive.

If you think you should be able to say and do whatever you want and to heck with other people's feelings, then go for it. I hope you like where it gets you.


Quoting Anonymous 1: So basically your opinion is I'm not allowed to post on Facebook or talk to my mother-in-law or anybody else connected with my sister-in-law about what me and my kids do during the day? No that's not okay. I have every right to talk about what's going on in my life. That is not being boastful. And if anybody doesn't like it then they can feel free to stay away from me and my children

Quoting Anonymous 11:

Sounds like she's struggling. 

You definitely did the right thing in saying you can' babysit, but knowing her situation, you shouldn't be so boastful about what, when it comes down to it, is your luck in being able to have a large family and stay home with them.

As the last person said, show a little compassion.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:55 PM

Having a healthy family IS at least in part LUCK. It's a crapshoot and I know plenty of people who started families early and had trouble conceiving or who started early and had kids with disabilities.

If you have a large, healthy family, and being in the financial position to SAHM, you need to realize it is a blessing. Don't take it for granted. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: And also it's not just luck. It's also the fact that I didn't wait until I was 34 years old to start trying to have children. I had my first at 20 years old. Where is my sister-in-law spent between ages 18 and 32 partying and doing whatever she wanted. Not saying that she was wrong and doing that but it's all about choices. Even her doctor said that if she had started trying 10 years earlier she likely wouldn't have had a problem
Quoting Anonymous 11:

Sounds like she's struggling. 

You definitely did the right thing in saying you can' babysit, but knowing her situation, you shouldn't be so boastful about what, when it comes down to it, is your luck in being able to have a large family and stay home with them.

As the last person said, show a little compassion.


Talkingheads
by Emerald Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 2:57 PM
So op isn't allowed to talk about her day or activities with her Mil so Sil doesn't get her feelings hurt??? Not the way that works. We ALL talk about what we do with our children and what great times we have with them. So just because Sil made really bad financial choices OP is suppose to shut up. That's real healthy....that would be like telling Sil not to speak about what she does with her paycheck (vacations,new things etc) because OP doesn't work. How about we just tell Sil to grow the fuck up and deal with her choices and her reality instead of focusing on what OP does with her time

Quoting Anonymous 11:

Put whatever you want on facebook (don't tag her, though), but when you are sitting with her and mil face-to-face, maybe tone it down a little.

This applies to lots of stuff. If you are hanging with someone who just lost their dog, you don't go on and on about your new puppy. Talking to someone who is going through chemo and can't eat isn't the time to describe the amazing meal you had last night. 

It is called being tactful and sensitive.

If you think you should be able to say and do whatever you want and to heck with other people's feelings, then go for it. I hope you like where it gets you.

Quoting Anonymous 1: So basically your opinion is I'm not allowed to post on Facebook or talk to my mother-in-law or anybody else connected with my sister-in-law about what me and my kids do during the day? No that's not okay. I have every right to talk about what's going on in my life. That is not being boastful. And if anybody doesn't like it then they can feel free to stay away from me and my children

Quoting Anonymous 11:

Sounds like she's struggling. 

You definitely did the right thing in saying you can' babysit, but knowing her situation, you shouldn't be so boastful about what, when it comes down to it, is your luck in being able to have a large family and stay home with them.

As the last person said, show a little compassion.

jws120567
by Platinum Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 3:02 PM
1 mom liked this

How was she nasty?  Because she decided to put her foot down and told her SIL that she wasn't going to put up with being abused anymore?  She put up with SIL's nastiness for months before she stood up for herself!  And she isn't witholding the kids, she chose to remove them from a situation where their bitchy aunt was being abusive to her.  MIL will still get to see the kids, just not when SIL is around.

Quoting Anonymous 20: I think OP lacks compassion and is self centered. She doesn’t have to watch the kids but she doesn’t have to be a nasty person about it either. So they are both wrong. And OP is punishing her in laws by withholding the kids, her in laws haven’t done anything wrong. Also storming out and having a tantrum is immature.
Quoting Talkingheads: Please tell me how OP is wrong? Why is OP in the wrong for saying she believes that caring for 6 kids ,two of who are infants too much? Why is that wrong? Just because it doesn't fit Sil's agenda does not make it wrong
Quoting Anonymous 20: I don’t think either of you is right in this situation.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 28 on Feb. 9, 2018 at 4:20 PM
You had 2 children...she would have 6...not the same. I agree with you...2 kids is totally a piece of cake.

Quoting Anonymous 31: Oooooo! Errands and story time! So difficult!
I have twins- I took them everywhere all the time. Wasnt hard and I certainly wasn’t dragging them around. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Quoting Anonymous 29: I am amazed by the amount of people who are complete doormats on this site. If you're asked for anything or to do something you just roll right over. I'm all for helping out but not for allowing someone to take advantage of me.

OP this is her problem, not yours. I wouldn't babysit. I don't know about other SAHMs but I didn't stay home everyday. We ran errands, went to story hour, play dates, etc having to drag along a second infant would make that more difficult.
hburnette3
by Gold Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 4:37 PM
You could have been her surrogate. You have no problem carrying babies!

Quoting Anonymous 1: Well In fairness I paid surrogate would have probably cost what they spent infertility treatments. Because remember you have to pay the legal fees the surrogate and medical expenses which is usually not covered by insurance as well as the cost of harvesting eggs and creating the embryo. I do agree that adoption would have probably been cheaper though there's no guarantees. I guess there's no guarantees with fertility treatment either though

Quoting hburnette3: If the cost was putting them in a bad spot they should have found a surrogate or adopted.
Talkingheads
by Emerald Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 4:41 PM
Her uterus has been a little bit busy

Quoting hburnette3: You could have been her surrogate. You have no problem carrying babies!

Quoting Anonymous 1: Well In fairness I paid surrogate would have probably cost what they spent infertility treatments. Because remember you have to pay the legal fees the surrogate and medical expenses which is usually not covered by insurance as well as the cost of harvesting eggs and creating the embryo. I do agree that adoption would have probably been cheaper though there's no guarantees. I guess there's no guarantees with fertility treatment either though

Quoting hburnette3: If the cost was putting them in a bad spot they should have found a surrogate or adopted.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 38 on Feb. 9, 2018 at 4:41 PM
When they made petty people you were the first in line.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)