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*UPDATE* DH Struggling with Depression, Acting Erratic & Says he Wants a Divorce.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 48 Replies

I've been with DH 11 years, married for 3. Over the last year he lost both his Mom and Dad. He wasn't close with his Dad, as his Dad was never around, but was very close with his Mom and it was a devastating loss for him. He put on a brave front. I never even saw him cry about it.

Over the past year things have gotten bad in our marriage. He is drinking an entire bottle of hard liquor every other day. He gets home from work and starts drinking at 2PM. He takes adderrall for ADHD & he recently started taking WellButrin for depression but it seems like things have gotten worse since then.

He stays up at night searching through my social media, e-mail, phone records and then accuses me of cheating or asks me for explanations to things from 7+ years ago that I don't even remember. When I say I don't remember what he's talking about he calls me a liar and all these other abusive names. It's nuts! I've never even cheated or been caught cheating!

Today he tells me he wants a divorce, feels like he's going crazy, he doesn't trust me at all, he's depressed about his Mom, doesn't know what he should do, etc. I have asked him to go to counseling but he says no. I'm right in the middle of adopting his Son that I've been raising and that will cancel the adoption, which is heartbreaking! If he divorces me I don't know if he'll let me stay in SS's life.


Any suggestions? Have you ever dealt with depression or erratic behavior from your spouse?


Update: Thank you ladies so much for all of your kind words and your suggestions! I definitely used them! I sat down with my DH and laid it out. We had a very long talk & he didn't realize he was acting out of his mind. He threw out the Wellbutrin and agreed to stop drinking. He also agreed to go to marriage counseling. I have called a few counselors and got the process started. It has been a tough week but the last few days have been much better. DH is not acting erratic right now or asking for a divorce. Not sure what will happen but we are going to try our best to help him with his issues and to work on our marriage. <3




Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 13, 2018 at 1:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 13, 2018 at 2:00 PM

Does he work? How does he function at work? Does he see a Therapist? He should.  AA also. GL!

Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Mar. 13, 2018 at 2:01 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow, this is tough. Try to insist he gets treatment, he needs help.

*hugs*
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 13, 2018 at 2:01 PM
1 mom liked this
I would consider calling someone, his doctor or adult social services or something. He’s losing it and needs help.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 13, 2018 at 2:02 PM

Yes, he has a good job. He's an engineer. He's fine during the day but then gets off of work and starts drinking, then acts nuts.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Does he work? How does he function at work? Does he see a Therapist? He should.  AA also. GL!


PJMM
by Ruby Member on Mar. 13, 2018 at 2:04 PM
2 moms liked this
Yes but not that erratic. My ex was depressed and withdrawn. I will say if he won't go to or work in counseling there isn't anything you can do. All you can do is suggest it or at least tell him to see his doctor since I'm sure alcohol, wellbutin and adderall is a bad combination. Tell him these drugs could be his problem. If he won't do that then agree to a separation.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 13, 2018 at 2:05 PM
2 moms liked this

You have to shock him straight. Freak the eff out. Tell him the truth. He's fucking up his life, his marriage and his childs.  Then tell him that he either gets help or you are done.  My sisters DH was an alcoholic for a long time. She never tried to stop it.  Not that she probably could have. He died and left her in huge debt. GL!

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Yes, he has a good job. He's an engineer. He's fine during the day but then gets off of work and starts drinking, then acts nuts.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Does he work? How does he function at work? Does he see a Therapist? He should.  AA also. GL!



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 13, 2018 at 2:11 PM

When I try to tell him all of that stuff he blames me...he says I am the problem, not him. He acts like he's perfect and will never admit when he's wrong. That's why I really think we need a counselor...a 3rd party to assess this.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

You have to shock him straight. Freak the eff out. Tell him the truth. He's fucking up his life, his marriage and his childs.  Then tell him that he either gets help or you are done.  My sisters DH was an alcoholic for a long time. She never tried to stop it.  Not that she probably could have. He died and left her in huge debt. GL!

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Yes, he has a good job. He's an engineer. He's fine during the day but then gets off of work and starts drinking, then acts nuts.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Does he work? How does he function at work? Does he see a Therapist? He should.  AA also. GL!



Kaelee1
by Platinum Member on Mar. 13, 2018 at 2:12 PM
3 moms liked this
I have depression. I've had some erratic periods. Almost divorced my husband, lots of stuff. Anyway, if he is fully functioning and logical during the day, go to his work at say 10 am or lunchtime. Take him somewhere quiet and private and lay it out. He needs help. Meds make everything worse for me. So his meds may be making it worse.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Yes, he has a good job. He's an engineer. He's fine during the day but then gets off of work and starts drinking, then acts nuts.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Does he work? How does he function at work? Does he see a Therapist? He should.  AA also. GL!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 13, 2018 at 2:12 PM

If he will go then I agree. He really knows he's messed up but he's projecting blame on you.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

When I try to tell him all of that stuff he blames me...he says I am the problem, not him. He acts like he's perfect and will never admit when he's wrong. That's why I really think we need a counselor...a 3rd party to assess this.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

You have to shock him straight. Freak the eff out. Tell him the truth. He's fucking up his life, his marriage and his childs.  Then tell him that he either gets help or you are done.  My sisters DH was an alcoholic for a long time. She never tried to stop it.  Not that she probably could have. He died and left her in huge debt. GL!

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Yes, he has a good job. He's an engineer. He's fine during the day but then gets off of work and starts drinking, then acts nuts.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Does he work? How does he function at work? Does he see a Therapist? He should.  AA also. GL!




Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 13, 2018 at 2:14 PM

Do you feel he is a danger to himself or others?  

You might be able to get him hospitalized for 48 - 72 hours to see if they can help him.

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