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Conceived from RAPE. How to deal.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 218 Replies
My daughter is the product of rape. I knew the guy through a mutual friend. He kept giving me more alcohol to drink and before I knew it, I was wasted. He took advantage of me and this is how my now five year old dd was conceived. I felt ashamed that I let this happen and I deal with depression because of it. I've never told anyone the truth about my daughter's father, I lied and said that he was a guy that I met during a one night stand. I refuse to be known as the woman who's dd is the result of rape. It makes me so angry that he got away with it. It's almost 3 am and this is the norm for me, staying up all night because I can't sleep. It's sometimes hard to even look at my dd because she looks like him. I love her more than anything but I can never get past who her father is. Has anyone else been in my situation. How do you cope?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 14, 2018 at 3:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
VegetaPrincess
by Ruby Member on Mar. 14, 2018 at 3:31 AM
4 moms liked this
I'm really sorry you're going through that. I don't think I could deal with it.
KitschyMeow
by Meowtyme on Mar. 14, 2018 at 3:33 AM
2 moms liked this
I suggest counseling.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 14, 2018 at 3:33 AM
15 moms liked this
Did you say no to him? Getting drunk and making bad choices that you regret is not rape.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 14, 2018 at 3:35 AM
I was really out of it, to the point where I didn't care what happened to me. He could have told me that he was going to kill me and I would have been okay with it.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Did you say no to him? Getting drunk and making bad choices that you regret is not rape.
Marie207
by on Mar. 14, 2018 at 3:36 AM
5 moms liked this

No, and whatever you do, don't you ever ever take this out on your dear daughter.  You needed to just say "I've had enough to drink", and got up and left. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 14, 2018 at 3:38 AM
10 moms liked this
That is not rape. That is you being stupid and trying to be a victim

Quoting Anonymous 1: I was really out of it, to the point where I didn't care what happened to me. He could have told me that he was going to kill me and I would have been okay with it.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Did you say no to him? Getting drunk and making bad choices that you regret is not rape.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 14, 2018 at 4:04 AM

I know what is like to have depression and anxiety in the middle of the night because of the internal anger that is just eating you up. I have it for a different reason. The man i was dating was 2 faced in many ways and long story short I ended up in the different country without health insurance, pregnant and with preeclampsia. With no medical help. I was turned down from the hospital. I now know it was against the law to turn me diwn and i should have insisted...the nurse that turned me down would have gotten fired for sure. Any way my kid was born with oxygen deprivation barely alive and i had to fight to get her to " normality". I will never forgive myself fir ending up in that situation. I was visiting my mom and was told to stay there, because my BF has decided that he wanted to save his sister's farm instead of us. The kid was also not his, but from a sperm donor from fertility treatment. My BF at the time would dump me one minute and promise the world the next. It was horrendous rollercoaster. While dating he secretly trashed me to everyone that had 5 sec to listen, my work collegues, his adult kids, his ex, the exs parents... everyone. One dumping was particularly violent, when he told the cops I was taking financial advantage of him and the cop (a woman with the chip on her shoulder) assaulted me multiple times right in front of him and he put the warm expensive coat I bought him for christmas and left to get them again. He always has an excuse of "I told you so".  He told me a lot of things. His ex and his sister would lie and promise him an alternative future ...he would dump me and of course when this future didn't pan out he would be back promising the world. His ex meantime kept her own relationship intact, remarried and bought a new house for investment after ruining my relationship. His sister retired and sold farm and now has tons of money. I am living with the guy now. He sleeps in another room and he "loves" my kid. I cannot even stand him. He makes my skin crawl. Thank god my kid is ok, and i don't have to sleep with him. 

If the guy put alcogol in you just to rape you, then he raped you. I would go to police and ask whether this guy was accused more times? If he was you can still file charges. Have you told anyone what happened? However you need to talk to the lawyer or something, because he can actually demand visitation if he knows that he has a kid out there just to taunt you. His parents can demand visitation. And you know you cannot be one big happy family. You know that. 

I don't know what to do and how do you cope with raising a child from the rape. I am raising a child with the guy who assaulted me before and left me for dead in some god forsaken country with the baby in my stomach. It is tough. very. I completely, absolutely focus on my kid. I got her involved into stem and robotics and math and science and am going to college for some science courses as well. My ex is an engineer and helps me to pass the course. It takes alot of coffee to get my depression under control and my concentration is terrible. It is also hard to look after the home or myself. I am in constant state of terrible anxiety and it is hard to focus. I have retreated from basically anyone and I never go anywhere with my EX, even though we are living under the same roof. My daughter has a roof over her head and food and clothes and tons of toys. I focus on that. I focus on her academics alot to get her to where is doesn't need to stay with exes might rejected her, when she gets older. Whn she hugs my ex or kisses him I hate it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 14, 2018 at 4:06 AM
6 moms liked this
Ignore the idiots op. I knew as soon as you posted this that they would come out of the woodwork. I suggest counseling as well.

Quoting Anonymous 2: That is not rape. That is you being stupid and trying to be a victim

Quoting Anonymous 1: I was really out of it, to the point where I didn't care what happened to me. He could have told me that he was going to kill me and I would have been okay with it.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Did you say no to him? Getting drunk and making bad choices that you regret is not rape.
RocknRoll.Rose
by Ruby Member on Mar. 14, 2018 at 4:37 AM
12 moms liked this

I was sexually abused my entire childhood. I got out of it when I was 15 thanks to my grandmother. She gave me and my brother a safe place to live and set us up so that we could have the life we should have had all along. Years later, my mother came back into my life begging for my help. She wanted to get sober and straighten out her life. I found her a rehab and helped her out as best I could. Eventually she checked herself out and hooked up with a new drug dealing boyfriend. When I found out, I told her I wasn't helping her anymore. She was angry because I guess she thought I was going to support her as long as she pretended to get sober. Her drug dealing boyfriend broke into my house, raped me, and tried to strangle me. I believe she put him up to it but I couldn't prove it. Long story short, he was connected to a bigger drug dealer so they cut a deal with him, dropped the rape charges, and pleaded him out on the drug charges.

During this process I found out I was pregnant with twins. I was sick about it when I first found out. I couldn't imagine being a parent at that point. I was single and already struggling to get by with just me and my brother (he was 11 at the time. I adopted him when our grandmother passed). I knew that abortion was not an option but I considered adoption because I was afraid I couldn't love them and I knew they deserved better because what happened wasn't their fault. I also led everyone to believe that it was a one night stand. Again, long story short, I had them 5 weeks early and nearly lost my daughter. When they were born, I knew that no one could love them as much as I did so I decided to keep them. They're 4 years old and I've never regretted it for a second. I've never once looked at them and thought about the rape because they are innocent children. When I look at them, I see beautiful smiles, my daughter's long blonde curls, my eyes looking back at me from my son's face, their curiosity, their humor, their creativity, and their love. We are not the sum of the mistakes of our parents. If we were, I never would have been able to rise above my mother's mistakes to be the person I am today. Living with what I went through, not just when the twins were conceived but my entire childhood, is still a daily struggle. I have trouble sleeping as well. I have nightmares and anxiety attacks. Sometimes I wake up several times a night to check on my children because I'm afraid someone has hurt them. I am suspicious of everyone who looks at them. I will never be over it but I am doing much better than I was. You should try counselling and maybe confide in someone you trust. It's going to be ok. You can handle it. 

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corticosteroid
by on Mar. 14, 2018 at 6:19 AM
6 moms liked this

What

The

Fuck

Quoting Anonymous 3:

I know what is like to have depression and anxiety in the middle of the night because of the internal anger that is just eating you up. I have it for a different reason. The man i was dating was 2 faced in many ways and long story short I ended up in the different country without health insurance, pregnant and with preeclampsia. With no medical help. I was turned down from the hospital. I now know it was against the law to turn me diwn and i should have insisted...the nurse that turned me down would have gotten fired for sure. Any way my kid was born with oxygen deprivation barely alive and i had to fight to get her to " normality". I will never forgive myself fir ending up in that situation. I was visiting my mom and was told to stay there, because my BF has decided that he wanted to save his sister's farm instead of us. The kid was also not his, but from a sperm donor from fertility treatment. My BF at the time would dump me one minute and promise the world the next. It was horrendous rollercoaster. While dating he secretly trashed me to everyone that had 5 sec to listen, my work collegues, his adult kids, his ex, the exs parents... everyone. One dumping was particularly violent, when he told the cops I was taking financial advantage of him and the cop (a woman with the chip on her shoulder) assaulted me multiple times right in front of him and he put the warm expensive coat I bought him for christmas and left to get them again. He always has an excuse of "I told you so".  He told me a lot of things. His ex and his sister would lie and promise him an alternative future ...he would dump me and of course when this future didn't pan out he would be back promising the world. His ex meantime kept her own relationship intact, remarried and bought a new house for investment after ruining my relationship. His sister retired and sold farm and now has tons of money. I am living with the guy now. He sleeps in another room and he "loves" my kid. I cannot even stand him. He makes my skin crawl. Thank god my kid is ok, and i don't have to sleep with him. 

If the guy put alcogol in you just to rape you, then he raped you. I would go to police and ask whether this guy was accused more times? If he was you can still file charges. Have you told anyone what happened? However you need to talk to the lawyer or something, because he can actually demand visitation if he knows that he has a kid out there just to taunt you. His parents can demand visitation. And you know you cannot be one big happy family. You know that. 

I don't know what to do and how do you cope with raising a child from the rape. I am raising a child with the guy who assaulted me before and left me for dead in some god forsaken country with the baby in my stomach. It is tough. very. I completely, absolutely focus on my kid. I got her involved into stem and robotics and math and science and am going to college for some science courses as well. My ex is an engineer and helps me to pass the course. It takes alot of coffee to get my depression under control and my concentration is terrible. It is also hard to look after the home or myself. I am in constant state of terrible anxiety and it is hard to focus. I have retreated from basically anyone and I never go anywhere with my EX, even though we are living under the same roof. My daughter has a roof over her head and food and clothes and tons of toys. I focus on that. I focus on her academics alot to get her to where is doesn't need to stay with exes might rejected her, when she gets older. Whn she hugs my ex or kisses him I hate it.


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