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He doesn't have a right to be in their lives, but they have a right to be in his!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 329 Replies
So. My dad got arrested when i was a kid for molesting my sister. His step daughter. He was Canadian, so after he got out of jail he was deported. We never really knew him, aside from when my mom would take us to stay with him for visitation on summers sometimes, if he wasn't living with someone. Once we got sent there for a couple weeks with his new wife and she bought me tons of skanky clothes to make me like her. I went to live with him for a few mos when i was a teen because my mom said I was out of control. I didn't really know what all happened most of my life because I was so young when it happened and no one ever talked about it.

Fast forward to now. I know everything. He's a POS. I only talk to him at Christmas and birthdays so he will buy my kids gifts. He knows that he's never going to be welcome in their lives. However, my kids are 8&9 now and know they have a grandfather who they've never met. 11mo ago they lost my grandfather to cancer and 4mo ago they lost my X FIL to heart failure. They want to meet my father. I told them that he made bad choices and he's not a nice person, but they still want to meet him. SO and I are taking them on a trip this summer and we will pass right through his area. I'm thinking about letting them meet up with us so my kids can meet their grandfather and his (4th, maybe 5th?) Wife. They won't be alone with him and we aren't gong to make it a regular thing, but we will be going right by and they really want it.

My family found out that I'm considering it and started freaking out! They say that he has no right to be in my children's lives. Even if it's just this 1 time. They say that for me to allow this would make me just as much a POS as he is. SO doesn't exactly say all that, but he agrees that letting a known pedophile into the same room as them is wrong. He gets mad when i let him buy them gifts even.

Here's my thing. I would NEVER let him alone with them! I don't care how much he wants to say he's changed and it was a mistake, I think he should have been put down in jail for what he did. HOWEVER, while he has no right to this family as far as I'm concerned, my children haven't done anything wrong and THEY deserve to meet their only remaining grandfather. THEY shouldn't be punished by never seeing him for HIS mistakes. There will be 3 adults there to supervise: me, SO and my new step mom. We will probably just go get dinner and be done. I will be watching him like a hawk and SO will be too. I think it will help my kids with the loss of these men that they really loved!

What do you think? Nothing is set in stone yet, I'm just considering it and i figured no where else will I get such brutal honesty as here.

Sorry it got long, didn't know how else to get it all in.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
redbottoms
by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:05 AM
7 moms liked this
what the fuck?! If you know the guy is a child molester why on earth would you want your kids to meet him? For what purpose? What good would he bring to their lives? Dh's father is on the sex offender registry and no way in fuck we would ever let him be around our kids.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:06 AM
25 moms liked this
I wouldn't allow it...but I also wouldn't keep a pedo in my life just for some free gifts either. You sound motivated by the gifts, which is unflattering, to say the least.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:07 AM
He's not going to be alone and its only the 1 time at a public place. My mom was fucked up for sending me there alone to live!

Quoting redbottoms: what the fuck?! If you know the guy is a child molester why on earth would you want your kids to meet him? For what purpose? What good would he bring to their lives? Dh's father is on the sex offender registry and no way in fuck we would ever let him be around our kids.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:08 AM
5 moms liked this
He'd be dead to me and no, he would never be within 100 miles of my kids, ever. I'd tell them he's a monster and that they'll never meet him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Are you mental?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:08 AM
1 mom liked this
This is a tough one. I am just here to see how this pans out.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:08 AM
He offers to get them things and I think he owes us for the hell he put us through. I don't see the harm in taking his $$.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I wouldn't allow it...but I also wouldn't keep a pedo in my life just for some free gifts either. You sound motivated by the gifts, which is unflattering, to say the least.
redbottoms
by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:09 AM
2 moms liked this
Your mom was fucked up to have kids with this man in the first place........

Same with my MIL and Dh's father. Fail all around.

But can you tell me what benefit they would get from meeting him? I feel like its coming across you are only doing this for money and gifts and that is fucked up. Guess what? My kids give no shits they have never met DH's father. And they give no shits that I cut off my father and they don't see him anymore either. Kids don't need extended toxic family.

Quoting Anonymous 1: He's not going to be alone and its only the 1 time at a public place. My mom was fucked up for sending me there alone to live!

Quoting redbottoms: what the fuck?! If you know the guy is a child molester why on earth would you want your kids to meet him? For what purpose? What good would he bring to their lives? Dh's father is on the sex offender registry and no way in fuck we would ever let him be around our kids.
quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:09 AM
1 mom liked this

im torn..one the one hand,hes scum.on the other...your kids are grieving and obviously crave a male role model thats older..maybe this one time but you might have to explain to your kids that sometimes 'stranger danger' is 'family danger'..

redbottoms
by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:10 AM
2 moms liked this
and FYI my father is rich as Midas. RICH RICH. But I still cut him off because he was toxic and emotionally and verbally abusive to me and was starting to turn that onto my kids. He can keep his money. Its never worth it.
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