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My abusive exh wants my help. Idk what to do.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 106 Replies
Long back story short my exh snapped while we were married and became extremely abusive in every way (beat me, raped me, fucked with my mind, isolated me, threatened me, etc). I was a young sham with 3 kids and my Christian family (without knowing the full extent of my bad situation) and pastor kept advising me that if I was just a good wife all the time he would eventually change and be a good dh. Well, I highly suspect he suffered from the onset of some sort of mental illness in his mid twenties and that's what caused this and nothing I did would have helped. He legit became a different person and changed into a scary, abusive monster. I stayed until I knew I could keep my kids away from him when I left because I was not going to ever send my kids back with him without me there to protect them. The only reason he never beat them was because I was there as the buffer. Eventually I got out and I have 100% custody, he doesn't even have visitation at all. That was over 6 years ago. I do let the kids see him when they ask, which is about once a month or every other month for about an hour. We always meet in public or at my parents house so we are all safe.
Over the past 6 years he has seemed to change a bit. He hasn't been a stellar person or anything (doesn't pay cs, never calls or asks to see the kids unless I contact him, etc) but he hasn't seemed like the crazy monster he was.
He called me last night in a drunken panic. My name is the same as his current gf so it was an accident but then he started spilling his guts to me. He told me he had thrown and broken things in their apartment multiple times, a while ago he had suspected her of texting another guy so he threw her phone at her and hit her in the head and wound up getting arrested and got a DV charge, and lots of other things. Well last night he got upset with her about her friends and when they got home he grabbed a cleaver and was walking around with it while they argued. She locked herself in their bedroom and called the cops. He left before they got there so he didn't get arrested.
Idk what to do with this info. He's telling me he wants to get help. I told him he needs to take anger management classes and see a psychiatrist or psychologist for his inability to control himself when he's mad. He's told me multiple times he blacks out when these things happen which makes him even scarier in my book because he's obviously not in control if that's happening.
What should I say to him? Is there anything I can do to help him help himself? Is there anything I can or should do concerning the girl? Should I try reaching out to her? I've never met her even though they've been together for over a year. It's such a weird position since he's my ex. Idk what to do. I just don't want him doing something terrible like killing that poor girl in a drunken, black out rage. There were multiple times during our marriage that I hid the knives and guns because I was so scared he might try to kill me. There were many nights I refused to sleep because I was so worried about him hurting or killing me in my sleep. He is a very scary dude and he loses his mind. I just don't want him escalating and actually doing something that he can never come back from.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 22, 2018 at 3:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 22, 2018 at 3:30 PM
6 moms liked this
The only thing I would do is let the girlfriend know where he is so that he could be arrested. I would continue to keep my kids away from this psycho as much as humanly possible.
susannah2000
by Emerald Member on Mar. 22, 2018 at 3:31 PM
1 mom liked this

It is not your job to do anything for him. He is trying to manipulate you by putting you in this spot. I assume it is an adult woman who is with him now, and has seen his violent behavior, so there is nothing you can do for her either.  Her choices are her own. I would just keep him far away from me, for safety. You also can't stop him from doing anything or change his behavior.

wildflowerrose
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2018 at 3:31 PM
7 moms liked this

unless you want to invite drama into your life, block his number and NO MORE CONTACT - EVER

Lunarprancer
by Betsy on Mar. 22, 2018 at 3:31 PM

This.

Quoting Anonymous 2: The only thing I would do is let the girlfriend know where he is so that he could be arrested. I would continue to keep my kids away from this psycho as much as humanly possible.


EarlGrayHot
by Platinum Member on Mar. 22, 2018 at 3:33 PM

I would not be even talking to this whacko.  And yes, he needs to be arrested for everyone's sake.  He should be in jail for threatening her with a meat cleaver for God's sake!  Don't go near him or talk to him!  Call the GF now and let them take him away.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 22, 2018 at 3:33 PM
I am going to be even more careful now that I know he's still this out of control and crazy.
When I finally left him I had to get a restraining order because he came to my church and threatened to kill me and kidnap the kids in front of everyone. He didn't get to see any of us for over a year.
Like I said I had thought he had gotten a bit better because he seemed more stable the short periods of time I had seen him but obviously I was wrong.
I have no idea where he is. He didn't tell me that. They do live together though so idk if she will let him back or not. She obviously has before.

Quoting Anonymous 2: The only thing I would do is let the girlfriend know where he is so that he could be arrested. I would continue to keep my kids away from this psycho as much as humanly possible.
MyCaptain
by Horror queen on Mar. 22, 2018 at 3:34 PM
I'd stay out it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 22, 2018 at 3:35 PM
I don't know her number but I can see her facebook so I could try to contact her through there. Idk what I would say to her though.

Quoting EarlGrayHot:

I would not be even talking to this whacko.  And yes, he needs to be arrested for everyone's sake.  He should be in jail for threatening her with a meat cleaver for God's sake!  Don't go near him or talk to him!  Call the GF now and let them take him away.

DensHag
by Ruby Member on Mar. 22, 2018 at 3:35 PM
2 moms liked this
The only thing I’d tell him is to go turn himself in to a psychiatric hospital.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 22, 2018 at 3:36 PM
He needs to see a doctor and tell him/her everything that’s going on.

But, I really don’t see how you can help with that...or why you should...
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