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After 8 years of marriage, my husband decides he wants another kid

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 157 Replies

I have one daughter from my previous marriage. Her father doesn't see her and dh has been in her life for 10 years. I told him long before marriage that I did NOT want anymore kids, I would not have anymore kids. Period. 

He was fine with that. He said he never really felt the need to have kids anyway but he was happy about being a step dad. 


Everything has been fine and having more kids has never been a topic since we agreed on no more. Up until  a year ago. He just dropped hints at first but then he finally came out and said he wants us to try for a baby. I'm shocked. I don't know how to deal with this. I have zero interest in having another child but he suddenly feels very strongly about it. He said to me he could lie and say it's not bothering him but if I want the truth, it weighs on him that we will never have another child.


wwyd?

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:09 AM
1 mom liked this
If I was finished having kids, I would not have any more.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:10 AM
1 mom liked this
That is a tough one. You let your husband know from the beginning that you did not want anymore children and he married you knowing that.

Did he say why he has changed his mind after so many years?
Princess_s21
by Sarah on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:28 AM
7 moms liked this
It’s very tough especially seeing you both talked about it before marriage and were on the same page. I think it’s pretty common for people who have no biological children to often change their minds about this down the track and feel a yearning for it.

When you actually have children I think it’s easier to know definitively that you don’t want anymore, however when you don’t its more questionable, it’s more like they don’t ‘think’ they want children.

Good luck with sorting this out.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:31 AM

I would have had one more child for my dh if he really wanted to but it would have been mostly for him. I would have loved that child because they would have been a part of both of us. My dh is my one true love. However, I had one child from a previous relationship and we had one together. He didn't want another child because we already had our hands very full with two and knew it would be a bad idea. I did tell him I would consider one more but I didn't really want another truthfully and I told him he would have to do a lot of the work. I was lucky that he agreed with me and we have been together 16 years. 

Is he 100% positive he wants another child since your dd is basically his anyway? Tell him he better think about it long and hard. You need to think about it long and hard as well. If he is dead set on having more children and you are dead set on not having anymore, then there is nothing more to discuss, is there? However, maybe when he really thinks about it and talks to you about it more he will change his mind. Or you wiould be willing to have another child if you think about it long and hard. Or maybe you won't. It's really something that will have to be compromised, thought out, or things will eventually end as he will resent you forever if he stays and you won't have another child or you will resent him if you do have another one only for his benefit. 

KendallsMommee
by Spoiled SAHM on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:32 AM
1 mom liked this
I have no idea what I would do.

Best wishes.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:37 AM
Poor guy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:49 AM
1 mom liked this
People grow and change. Thats a hard one.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 2:00 AM
2 moms liked this
Honestly, I don't think it's fair that he parented your child, and now you don't want to give him one of his own. A lot of people can't see themselves having kids when they're in their twenties and change their minds when the biological clocks start to tick.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 2:03 AM
1 mom liked this
I was in this position and I agreed to have another child. I knew I would never regret having a child because I love all of my children and I could never not love my child. I also knew that he would always regret not having a child of his own.
The choice seemed pretty easy when I looked at it that way.
We have an amazing 1 year old ds now and I couldn’t be happier about it even though if dh hadn’t wanted a child I would have never had another one.
Valentina327
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2018 at 2:05 AM
1 mom liked this
This

Quoting Princess_s21: It’s very tough especially seeing you both talked about it before marriage and were on the same page. I think it’s pretty common for people who have no biological children to often change their minds about this down the track and feel a yearning for it.

When you actually have children I think it’s easier to know definitively that you don’t want anymore, however when you don’t its more questionable, it’s more like they don’t ‘think’ they want children.

Good luck with sorting this out.
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