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I don't want to be an obligation

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 6 Replies
My long time SO and I are discussing the possibility of marriage. We have lived together for 4 years, already share finances, already have insurance policies with each other as beneficiaries, already have medical proxies for each other. We are very close with each other's children.

I want to be with hin forever. But here is where my doubt about getting married comes from. I don't want him to see me ad an obligation, to feel like he owes it to me to be with me. I want being with me to be a choice he makes every day, not something he does because he feels obligated to do so.

Getting married isn't something he feels strongly about onw way or the other but I know the kids would like to see us married. I just don't know if it is something I want to do.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:27 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:29 PM
1 mom liked this
If it’s something neither of you feel strongly about wanting to do- then don’t do it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:30 PM
That's kind of where it stands now. We don't feel the need to be married to be happy together and stay together.

Quoting Anonymous 2: If it’s something neither of you feel strongly about wanting to do- then don’t do it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:33 PM
Well I’m one of the crazy ones on here who’s ok with not being married. I’ve been with my SO for 16 years and we have 4 kids. Legal protections have been put into place but other than that we don’t feel the need to be married.
I think getting married is something you have to REALLY want for it to be successful. I also think marriage can ruin some perfectly good relationships that would have continued to work well had the marriage not happened. I’ve seen it. You should do what feels right for YOU, not the kids. They’ll be fine either way.

Quoting Anonymous 1: That's kind of where it stands now. We don't feel the need to be married to be happy together and stay together.
Quoting Anonymous 2: If it�s something neither of you feel strongly about wanting to do- then don�t do it.
zombiemegg
by Gold Member on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:36 PM

You have doubts about it and he doesnt really want to do it so just dont.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:38 PM
A marriage is about the two of you, not the wants of your children or the expectations of family members or friends.
My now husband and I were like this for the first 6 years of our relationship. Everything was joint, we were basically married just not on paper. One day a switch flipped and we just looked at each other and desperately wanted to get married so we did. Until there’s a burning desire to get married why do it if it isn’t important to either of you at this time?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:39 PM
Yeah, I think if it were just the 2 of us it wouldn't even be on the table. Not because we aren't committed to each other because we very much are. I just don't ever want to wonder if he is just here because we signed some papers and feels like he HAS to be.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Well I’m one of the crazy ones on here who’s ok with not being married. I’ve been with my SO for 16 years and we have 4 kids. Legal protections have been put into place but other than that we don’t feel the need to be married.
I think getting married is something you have to REALLY want for it to be successful. I also think marriage can ruin some perfectly good relationships that would have continued to work well had the marriage not happened. I’ve seen it. You should do what feels right for YOU, not the kids. They’ll be fine either way.

Quoting Anonymous 1: That's kind of where it stands now. We don't feel the need to be married to be happy together and stay together.
Quoting Anonymous 2: If it�s something neither of you feel strongly about wanting to do- then don�t do it.
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