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Pregnant and devastated

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 116 Replies
I'm pregnant again.

I don't want to be. I can't be. I'm getting an abortion. I'm devastated by this, but I really have to. I'm not going to respond to baby killer troll replies. I'm not here to hear about what a monster I am. I believe in a woman's right to choose and always said I'd personally never choose an abortion, but here I am.

My husband and I both work for the Catholic Church. He because it's his life's work (he was in seminary to become a priest when we met), and I fell into it because of him and the deacon of our church offering me a part time job that worked with my life and raising our child (I could bring her to work, only a few hours a week, etc).

Because my husband gets our insurance through work, we are 100% NOT COVERED to any form of birth control. I tried, trust me. I actually got pregnant with our oldest while on the pill. We got pregnant again on the pill after I gave birth to her but had a miscarriage. That baby would've been sooner than we wanted but welcomed.

We switched to condoms and rhythm (tracking) method after the miscarriage and had zero issues. Not that it really matters, I also blew up like a balloon on the pill so was grateful to be off it.

So we successfully remained not pregnant for years, and once we decided to grow our family I got pregnant within three months with TWINS!

I'm apparently super fucking fertile.

I had our twins nearly two years ago.

We were done after them. A family of five felt right and good and we were stretched thin, financially, but still comfortable. We send our oldest to private school and will send all three eventually, own a home with a mortgage that's a-ok, own our two cars outright, etc etc.

I was also incredibly sick when pregnant- HG with scheduled IV fluids every 48 hours, zofran pump and heavily discussed a feeding tube. It was traumatic for my oldest while I was pregnant with the twins. She thought I was dying. I would've died without constant medical intervention.

But it's also little things also tells me we are done. Silly stuff. Like that it's a real challenge now to keep on top of laundry and cleaning the house. I do it but it's a barely keeping my head above water type thing. I can never relax about any of it or we drown in laundry and clutter.

And my twins need a lot. They are still in diapers. Both receive speech therapy and my oldest also needs a lot of attention. Going from an only child to one of three hasn't been easy for her.

We also own a three bedroom house and plan to expand another bedroom but we definitely couldn't do a five bedroom house.

I asked my husband to research into getting a vasectomy. He tells me later that it's too expensive out of pocket and he thinks our method which worked for years is fine.

Anyway. Last month we wanted to do our thing and realized we were out of condoms. Husband said he'd pull out, which is fine. We also agree to get the morning after pill - just in case! Since it was two days before my ovulation date. I took it less than 24 hours later.

And I'm pregnant. I took the test last night. I'm a little over a week late. I have an appointment to get the abortion pill on Monday. $390 out of pocket. I see the link while doing some research for vasectomy and it's $600 out of pocket. COMPLETELY REASONABLE!

I confront my husband and he says he didn't know, the place he looked at was quoting $5,000. I'm trying to not be frurious with him but what the fuck?!? He apparently did the absolute minimum amount of research and gave it up.

Now I'm in this position. I'm in the personal moral awful stink of a position because he looked up one place, thought it was too pricey and gave up.

I know I'm being unreasonable. I am angry at myself, too. One night of stupid and here we are.

I want to scream from the roof. I want to cry. I want to be angry at the Catholic Church for not giving any options at all and I'm angry that we didn't just come up with a plan and pay out of pocket to prevent this. A tubal. An IUD. A god damn vasectomy.

I'm rambling at this point. I feel sorry for this potential baby. It was just conceived in the wrong order.

I guess I've screamed into the void enough. Time to make dinner.


Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 16, 2018 at 6:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Pisces_Mom89
by Platinum Member on Apr. 16, 2018 at 6:20 PM

So he was going to be a priest but decided not to?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 6:20 PM
I'm assuming you've ruled out adoption for one reason or another?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 6:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Damn. I’m sorry. If I got pregnant again I would be faced with similar decisions. I hope you can find peace with whatever you do.
jabs54
by Ruby Member on Apr. 16, 2018 at 6:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm not going to say anything other than please get your tubes tied or your hubby a vasectomy!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 16, 2018 at 6:23 PM
Yes he decided not to - he's working on being a deacon instead.

Quoting Pisces_Mom89:

So he was going to be a priest but decided not to?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 16, 2018 at 6:23 PM
One of those two are happening. For sure. I'm full of regret they didn't happen sooner.

Quoting jabs54:

I'm not going to say anything other than please get your tubes tied or your hubby a vasectomy!

alexmom529
by Platinum Member on Apr. 16, 2018 at 6:23 PM
2 moms liked this
I got nothing, but you couldn’t wait until you bought more condoms? Irresponsible.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 16, 2018 at 6:24 PM
I couldn't. I just couldn't carry for 9 months and give it up, I'd bond. Hell. I'm already fighting like hell from bonding now.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I'm assuming you've ruled out adoption for one reason or another?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 6:24 PM
1 mom liked this
You know the pull out method is absolutely NOT a way to prevent pregnancy. You can definitely still get pregnant and if you don't want to get pregnant the pull out method should never even be discussed.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Apr. 16, 2018 at 6:25 PM
You know it is wrong and you know you will pay the consequences for it.
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