I know this has nothing to do with beauty but I am FREAKING out right now and need some support from you mama's who have been in my shoes.
My DD (who will be 13 in 2
weeks) has her first boyfriend. She sent me a message on facebook (since
she is at her dad's right now) telling me she likes this boy and he
likes her. I logged into her facebook to see what was going on. They
have been sending each other messages for 8 HOURS straight! I seriously
thought I was going to have a melt down while reading all the mushy
stuff. They are all liike, I love you, no I love you more, we must be sould mates, I want to marry you someday and so on. My only relief is that she is being totally open with me about
it. She sent me another message on facebook telling me she thinks she is
in love and wants to know how I knew daddy was who I wanted to marry. And, just to make it official, both her and the boy changed their facebooks status to "in a relationship" so you know it is serious lol!!! I
have known this boy and his parents for 8 years and they are great
people. I am sooooo not ready for this! To top it all off yesterday she
informed me that her legs and armpits are to harry and she needs to
start shaving!!
Well, i have never been in your situation because my oldest will be 5 in October.
When i was a teen i wasn't allowed to have a bf until i was 16 so, for me that is very young to have a bf yet alone to think you are in love lol. I swear girls now days are getting way more mature from when i was a teen. That is really good that she has a open relationship with you! It sounds like you did a good job raising her!!! :o) it is sad how fast kids grow. Mine are not in their teens obviously , but i even have to wonder myself where the time has gone.
It's always too soon, and no matter how prepared for it we think we are, we never are.
The Teen - my nephew - is 13 and in grade 8 and has been dating someone in... grade 10. Major freak out from aunt but like you I am glad that he's talking about it with me. They go to a very small private school where middle and high schools are combined in one campus. There's only one class per grade (I told you it was small!) but these kids have known each other since kindergarten. The hours there are long. They start at 7:30 am and only go home at 3:30, but most have an extra-curricular activity for an hour, so as soon as that's done they need to go home straight away. The opportunities to meet other kids from other schools is kind of limited especially as most have other activities post school, too. So any after school meetings is not possible during the week day.
What makes me happy is that her mother, whom I've met, is pretty strict (you should have seen me do the happy dance when he told me this.) He hangs out at her place, but (as he says) there's no privacy. He's also friends with her younger brother, who is a year older than he is, and he adores her baby sister. There are always adults at home to keep an eye on them. Plus, as much as the society has changed since I was a teen, it's still a pretty conservative one.
So far, what they do is hang out together mostly with her family, grandparents included. They hold hands. We've had talk about only doing things that they are both comfortable with and ready for, and never forcing the other to do something that they don't want to do, as well as never being forced into doing something that he himself doesn't want to or feels that he isn't ready to do. Next, which I will broach just after his year-end exams and in time for summer vacation, is the big sex talk. He's had the sex talk with his dad (I hope) but I want to start talking about this because you have to start some day and somewhere. It's not only about sex, but it's also about emotions, hormones, peer pressure, and boundaries, right?
What's kind of incredible is that they've been together for nearly a year now. And she's really good influence on him. He says that she scolds him when he's lax with school work or not doing his best. The way she is with her maternal grandparents has also changed the way he's with his paternal grandmother. He shows more affection, recently went with her to the theatre (just the two of them), hasn't said no to spending some time out of town with her. It isn't that he wasn't nice before, but he's more open and can stay put more. Part of it is because he's older but I think his girlfriend has also had influence in this.
My advice is take it a day at a time and continue in engaging her through various conversations. My next move will be to get him to invite her for a meal here and he'll be cooking for us. It'll be a good opportunity for us to get to know her more, it'll get him to do something nice for her (and hopefully be more enthusiastic about cooking), and it'll teach him entertaining and social skills. I think what I want to foster are places for them to hang out but still be under some kind of adult supervision. Because he's going to have to wait at least another year before there's hanging out together without any adult supervision.
See, I totally get the thing about not being able to meet a lot of people. After a horrific experience with school last year I started homeschooling this year. We still get out a lot and she gets to meet other homeschooled kids. She has friends from church and still sees several of her friends from public school as well. I think I was just so taken aback when she told me. Not even a week ago some boy told her she was cute and she was telling me how lame boys are lol. Now, 6 days later she is in love! I was like, where did this come from!!! Haha.
Quoting kika.fleur:It's always too soon, and no matter how prepared for it we think we are, we never are.
The Teen - my nephew - is 13 and in grade 8 and has been dating someone in... grade 10. Major freak out from aunt but like you I am glad that he's talking about it with me. They go to a very small private school where middle and high schools are combined in one campus. There's only one class per grade (I told you it was small!) but these kids have known each other since kindergarten. The hours there are long. They start at 7:30 am and only go home at 3:30, but most have an extra-curricular activity for an hour, so as soon as that's done they need to go home straight away. The opportunities to meet other kids from other schools is kind of limited especially as most have other activities post school, too. So any after school meetings is not possible during the week day.
What makes me happy is that her mother, whom I've met, is pretty strict (you should have seen me do the happy dance when he told me this.) He hangs out at her place, but (as he says) there's no privacy. He's also friends with her younger brother, who is a year older than he is, and he adores her baby sister. There are always adults at home to keep an eye on them. Plus, as much as the society has changed since I was a teen, it's still a pretty conservative one.
So far, what they do is hang out together mostly with her family, grandparents included. They hold hands. We've had talk about only doing things that they are both comfortable with and ready for, and never forcing the other to do something that they don't want to do, as well as never being forced into doing something that he himself doesn't want to or feels that he isn't ready to do. Next, which I will broach just after his year-end exams and in time for summer vacation, is the big sex talk. He's had the sex talk with his dad (I hope) but I want to start talking about this because you have to start some day and somewhere. It's not only about sex, but it's also about emotions, hormones, peer pressure, and boundaries, right?
What's kind of incredible is that they've been together for nearly a year now. And she's really good influence on him. He says that she scolds him when he's lax with school work or not doing his best. The way she is with her maternal grandparents has also changed the way he's with his paternal grandmother. He shows more affection, recently went with her to the theatre (just the two of them), hasn't said no to spending some time out of town with her. It isn't that he wasn't nice before, but he's more open and can stay put more. Part of it is because he's older but I think his girlfriend has also had influence in this.
My advice is take it a day at a time and continue in engaging her through various conversations. My next move will be to get him to invite her for a meal here and he'll be cooking for us. It'll be a good opportunity for us to get to know her more, it'll get him to do something nice for her (and hopefully be more enthusiastic about cooking), and it'll teach him entertaining and social skills. I think what I want to foster are places for them to hang out but still be under some kind of adult supervision. Because he's going to have to wait at least another year before there's hanging out together without any adult supervision.
I have 3 teens. My 17 yo will be having her 4 year "anniversary" with her BF next month.
Tell her thank you for being open. and frankly, most of these things don't last long. but tell her your're glad she talked to you. I'm sure there's a mom of teens group here with lots of advice. but obviously if you are not already having talks about your family values, expectations, boundaries, etc... NOW is the time. Tell her you'll be honest of she's honest. My DD has always been great about that, andyeah itmeant I had get quiet within myself and LISTEN. andsometimes, I've had to tell her "i need to think about that for a while" but it's paid off.
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- ShutterBug3
on May. 5, 2012 at 5:02 PM