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Do you give advice to people using different methods?

Posted by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 9:56 AM
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First let me say that I am not a full fledged unschooler.  I use curriculum.  I require certain subjects daily but I am very flexible how we accomplish them.  They are always free to do something else.  I find myself giving advice at times.  Sometimes it comes across well and sometimes it doesn't.  I also find myself sometimes not saying anything.  Earlier today I responsed to a mom having trouble with their child.  She asked what do you do when your child stops answering questions correctly.  I told her I stop asking questions and start answering their questions.  Sometimes I think people really downplay how much learning happens during play time.  I remember reading in Einstein never used flash cards that 70% of play time involves Math.  

A couple of weeks a good friend of mine was talking ot her kids.  She was asking them quesions.  They answered and then they started asking her questions.  She told them it doesn't work that way.  I couldn't believe it.  I thought about saying something but I didn't.  Sometimes I find myself giving only enough advice as I feel they can handle.  I myself went through a very gradual progression.  I started out traditional and was bored myself.  I had a son who couldn't stand writing  but would continually ask to do more Math.  He is 11 and now loves typing stories on his blog.  He still loves Math.


Hope everyone is having a great week.


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by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 9:56 AM
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Replies (1-8):
faeriemom1972
by Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 11:16 AM

I don't give advice unless it's asked for. 

I think I get what you mean about the questions thing though. I find that I'm usually the one being quizzed. My son will learn about something and then ask me questions about it. He's always so proud of me when I get the answer right, lol. I don't use a curriculum and I threw out the flashcards years ago.

jen2150
by Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 3:49 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't usually give advice unless asked either. Sometimes though they ask but they don't like my advice. My son asks me questions all the time. I love his questions. The older he gets the harder they are to answer. I still ask him questions. Have a great week. br />
Quoting faeriemom1972:

I don't give advice unless it's asked for. 

I think I get what you mean about the questions thing though. I find that I'm usually the one being quizzed. My son will learn about something and then ask me questions about it. He's always so proud of me when I get the answer right, lol. I don't use a curriculum and I threw out the flashcards years ago.


LindaClement
by Group Owner on Oct. 1, 2013 at 6:06 PM

Oh, I'll give advice to anyone who stands still long enough :D

If someone asks for suggestions or insight into what's not working well for them, I'm happy to share my (deranged) perspective. I never expect anyone to leap as far over the edge as I do.

I cannot imagine not answering my kids' questions --how can it NOT work that way? If they're interested enough to form a question, how is that not a better indication that they'll pay attention to the answer than telling them an answer then baiting them into 'proving' they paid attention?

I rarely give gradual information. I like to be the outlier, on the other side of the chasm, suggesting that there is an 'over here' over here, and that if they're interested in going around or picking their way down and up again, they can certainly get here.

Of course there is a bridge and a helicopter and a teleporter, too... but hardly anyone can leap across it in a single bound, really :D

jen2150
by Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 6:38 PM
It really surprised me when she said that. I wanted to say something but I didn't. She does classical conversations. I had a friend that runs it and she was explaining it to me. I had no desire to take part. It basically runs on memorization. No flexibility. It didn't seem to depend on very much thinking from the child. I love hearing their thoughts and hearing about the things that are important to them. In so many ways kids learn more from asking questions than the other way around. My son would disturb their meetings. He like to change every assignment to suit his own desires. I actually love that about him. It really shows his creativity. When I first heard about unschooling I thought the whole idea was crazy. How would my kids learn everything they needed to know? My sons changed my views about what I thought I knew. I had them begging me to do extra math. Writing was like pulling teeth. I was so worried they would never love to write. My son loves it now. Today he spent all day working on his story board he is doing. He even has his own blog he writes in every week. He only wants to write about Geronimo Stilton and Lego. His stories are very funny. I think I remember reading that most readers become great writers. My sons love reading so I know they will be way ahead. I found the more I let things go, the more my children learned and the happier we all became.
Quoting LindaClement:

Oh, I'll give advice to anyone who stands still long enough :D

If someone asks for suggestions or insight into what's not working well for them, I'm happy to share my (deranged) perspective. I never expect anyone to leap as far over the edge as I do.

I cannot imagine not answering my kids' questions --how can it NOT work that way? If they're interested enough to form a question, how is that not a better indication that they'll pay attention to the answer than telling them an answer then baiting them into 'proving' they paid attention?

I rarely give gradual information. I like to be the outlier, on the other side of the chasm, suggesting that there is an 'over here' over here, and that if they're interested in going around or picking their way down and up again, they can certainly get here.

Of course there is a bridge and a helicopter and a teleporter, too... but hardly anyone can leap across it in a single bound, really :D


LindaClement
by Group Owner on Oct. 1, 2013 at 6:47 PM

I'm glad you figured it out, and watched what was really happening in front of you.

I am often saddened by the parents I talk to who have noticed the same things but the worry that they need to 'make sure' just won't let go...

Quoting jen2150:

It really surprised me when she said that. I wanted to say something but I didn't. She does classical conversations. I had a friend that runs it and she was explaining it to me. I had no desire to take part. It basically runs on memorization. No flexibility. It didn't seem to depend on very much thinking from the child. I love hearing their thoughts and hearing about the things that are important to them. In so many ways kids learn more from asking questions than the other way around. My son would disturb their meetings. He like to change every assignment to suit his own desires. I actually love that about him. It really shows his creativity. When I first heard about unschooling I thought the whole idea was crazy. How would my kids learn everything they needed to know? My sons changed my views about what I thought I knew. I had them begging me to do extra math. Writing was like pulling teeth. I was so worried they would never love to write. My son loves it now. Today he spent all day working on his story board he is doing. He even has his own blog he writes in every week. He only wants to write about Geronimo Stilton and Lego. His stories are very funny. I think I remember reading that most readers become great writers. My sons love reading so I know they will be way ahead. I found the more I let things go, the more my children learned and the happier we all became.
Quoting LindaClement:

Oh, I'll give advice to anyone who stands still long enough :D

If someone asks for suggestions or insight into what's not working well for them, I'm happy to share my (deranged) perspective. I never expect anyone to leap as far over the edge as I do.

I cannot imagine not answering my kids' questions --how can it NOT work that way? If they're interested enough to form a question, how is that not a better indication that they'll pay attention to the answer than telling them an answer then baiting them into 'proving' they paid attention?

I rarely give gradual information. I like to be the outlier, on the other side of the chasm, suggesting that there is an 'over here' over here, and that if they're interested in going around or picking their way down and up again, they can certainly get here.

Of course there is a bridge and a helicopter and a teleporter, too... but hardly anyone can leap across it in a single bound, really :D



jen2150
by Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 7:18 PM
I know exactly what you mean. I have seen it myself. I think it helped I made two goals when I started. I wanted my kids to love learning and have a deep love for reading. Once I saw those things being affected I knew it was not working. Also I was bored out of my mind. Can't imagine what my 1st grader was feeling. I remember one day we had a relaxed day. We just stayed in bed and read together, watching the discovery channel together, built models and did a science experiment together. My son told me how much fun he had and can we do that every day. It was like a perfect day for him. He was so happy. It was also a very stress free day for me as well.
Quoting LindaClement:

I'm glad you figured it out, and watched what was really happening in front of you.

I am often saddened by the parents I talk to who have noticed the same things but the worry that they need to 'make sure' just won't let go...

Quoting jen2150:

It really surprised me when she said that. I wanted to say something but I didn't. She does classical conversations. I had a friend that runs it and she was explaining it to me. I had no desire to take part. It basically runs on memorization. No flexibility. It didn't seem to depend on very much thinking from the child. I love hearing their thoughts and hearing about the things that are important to them. In so many ways kids learn more from asking questions than the other way around. My son would disturb their meetings. He like to change every assignment to suit his own desires. I actually love that about him. It really shows his creativity. When I first heard about unschooling I thought the whole idea was crazy. How would my kids learn everything they needed to know? My sons changed my views about what I thought I knew. I had them begging me to do extra math. Writing was like pulling teeth. I was so worried they would never love to write. My son loves it now. Today he spent all day working on his story board he is doing. He even has his own blog he writes in every week. He only wants to write about Geronimo Stilton and Lego. His stories are very funny. I think I remember reading that most readers become great writers. My sons love reading so I know they will be way ahead. I found the more I let things go, the more my children learned and the happier we all became.
Quoting LindaClement:

Oh, I'll give advice to anyone who stands still long enough :D

If someone asks for suggestions or insight into what's not working well for them, I'm happy to share my (deranged) perspective. I never expect anyone to leap as far over the edge as I do.

I cannot imagine not answering my kids' questions --how can it NOT work that way? If they're interested enough to form a question, how is that not a better indication that they'll pay attention to the answer than telling them an answer then baiting them into 'proving' they paid attention?

I rarely give gradual information. I like to be the outlier, on the other side of the chasm, suggesting that there is an 'over here' over here, and that if they're interested in going around or picking their way down and up again, they can certainly get here.

Of course there is a bridge and a helicopter and a teleporter, too... but hardly anyone can leap across it in a single bound, really :D




LindaClement
by Group Owner on Oct. 1, 2013 at 8:02 PM

What a wonderful experience to share! And what a contrast, eh?

Quoting jen2150:

I know exactly what you mean. I have seen it myself. I think it helped I made two goals when I started. I wanted my kids to love learning and have a deep love for reading. Once I saw those things being affected I knew it was not working. Also I was bored out of my mind. Can't imagine what my 1st grader was feeling. I remember one day we had a relaxed day. We just stayed in bed and read together, watching the discovery channel together, built models and did a science experiment together. My son told me how much fun he had and can we do that every day. It was like a perfect day for him. He was so happy. It was also a very stress free day for me as well.
Quoting LindaClement:

I'm glad you figured it out, and watched what was really happening in front of you.

I am often saddened by the parents I talk to who have noticed the same things but the worry that they need to 'make sure' just won't let go...

Quoting jen2150:

It really surprised me when she said that. I wanted to say something but I didn't. She does classical conversations. I had a friend that runs it and she was explaining it to me. I had no desire to take part. It basically runs on memorization. No flexibility. It didn't seem to depend on very much thinking from the child. I love hearing their thoughts and hearing about the things that are important to them. In so many ways kids learn more from asking questions than the other way around. My son would disturb their meetings. He like to change every assignment to suit his own desires. I actually love that about him. It really shows his creativity. When I first heard about unschooling I thought the whole idea was crazy. How would my kids learn everything they needed to know? My sons changed my views about what I thought I knew. I had them begging me to do extra math. Writing was like pulling teeth. I was so worried they would never love to write. My son loves it now. Today he spent all day working on his story board he is doing. He even has his own blog he writes in every week. He only wants to write about Geronimo Stilton and Lego. His stories are very funny. I think I remember reading that most readers become great writers. My sons love reading so I know they will be way ahead. I found the more I let things go, the more my children learned and the happier we all became.
Quoting LindaClement:

Oh, I'll give advice to anyone who stands still long enough :D

If someone asks for suggestions or insight into what's not working well for them, I'm happy to share my (deranged) perspective. I never expect anyone to leap as far over the edge as I do.

I cannot imagine not answering my kids' questions --how can it NOT work that way? If they're interested enough to form a question, how is that not a better indication that they'll pay attention to the answer than telling them an answer then baiting them into 'proving' they paid attention?

I rarely give gradual information. I like to be the outlier, on the other side of the chasm, suggesting that there is an 'over here' over here, and that if they're interested in going around or picking their way down and up again, they can certainly get here.

Of course there is a bridge and a helicopter and a teleporter, too... but hardly anyone can leap across it in a single bound, really :D





Ecoseem
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 9:13 PM
2 moms liked this

I tend to have to keep my mouth shut, because if they're not open to the ideas presented, it won't do a bit of good.  I am pretty shocked at the disrespect most parents show to their kids in that same way.

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