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I feel stuck!

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 12:17 PM
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This is HORRIBLE... sigh. Someone shoot me!

Despite my ethusiasm in diving head first into unschooling, I ultimately crumbled under pressure and enrolled my child in "school." So, we did virtual school last year through K12.. easy enough, whatever. This year... hell no! What was I thinking?! 

It's not that it is hard.. it's just that I do not agree with ANY of it! It is all ridiculous busy work and definitely NOT needed at the moment.. my child was placed in an "advanced" program for "gifted" learners this year going into 2nd grade. I have been doing the bare minimum to keep the program (which isn't much lately...), but we have been doing our own thing! I just can't get the support I need to let go of school fully... hubs is totally against it as he is very set on the importance of education, even pushing me to further my higher education once more.

It is frustrating and causing me so much anxiety! I have so many mixed feelings... getting behind in the program is bothering me simply because I am a perfectionist and I am used to applying myself 100% fully to things I commit myself to.. but I am not committed to this at all anymore. 

The last month or so we have been relaxing a LOT more.. and the kid is finally enjoying his interests instead. But DH is getting on my case about him not "doing school" and "getting behind." Frankly, I don't care what he thinks, but I don't like the stress and the stupid fights that it causes us. It disrupts the flow of our family and it's not worth arguing over.

Currently we are making some BIG changes in our life regarding our lifestyle, and I feel like this would be a good time to just get away from the school system altogether finally (I managed to keep him out of Kindergarten.. but caved for 1st grade). 

I have read a lot, applied some, and seen some changes, but how do I get DH to agree to what I want to do? I have lots of books that he has never touched or shown an interest in on the subject of unschooling or life without school. I just don't know how to get him to agree with what I want to do and what I think is best for our child.

It is nice having some kind of guide to follow, yes, but I think it is all just a load of rubbish and I don't want him to be subjected to state testing next year... what a waste. 

by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 12:17 PM
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Replies (1-5):
by Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 12:23 PM
There are several articles on on the psychology today website regarding the merits of unschooling, is this something you think your husband might be open to reading? I can track down links here in a bit if you want them.
by Member on Nov. 28, 2013 at 8:38 AM

That would be great. 

I truly do not know what will get through to him, or if anything will. He's very stuck on education - I definitely understand the importance, yes - but he is so into the public education system and feels that without it our child will know nothing, despite the fact that we both had lousy experiences with our own public education. By that, I mean he graduated early because of moving from a different state to here, where even the public schools are behind (We rank.. 48 in education...), and I taught myself most of my public education at home due to illness. Both of us graduated, both have college behind us, and he is 13+ years into his career. However, I quit my job 2 years ago to be a stay at home mom after working for the first 6 years of kiddo's life. 

We have a lot of different dynamics that play into his doubt and worry about the lack of school. I do believe that during his childhood, school may have been the only "safe" place for him. Also, he views higher education as impossible to obtain without first earning a high school diploma through the school. 

I've even tried arguing by putting it this way: Posing the question "How long do you think it would take you to learn or at least have an understanding of EVERYTHING that is covered in grades K-12? Maybe... a year as an adult, if that..?" He agreed, yet still argued when I asked him why he thinks we need to shove all of this into our almost 8-year-old's head. Does it apply to his life right now? No. 

He reads, but struggles, and that is him "being behind." He absolutely hates writing, doesn't have the best handwriting (however, it is readable), and he spells even basic words incorrectly. I take satisfaction in the fact that he's accurately sounding words out and putting down how he thinks they are spelled instead of freezing up, afraid to get it "wrong." His word structure is not horrible and generally you can tell exactly what word it is supposed to be.

Like I said, I have not been doing "school" work with him as of late. His big project due for the end of the semester is to write 1-3 paragraphs. He doesn't want to and has made it very clear he is not interested. He gave me maybe 5 sentences and I said "Great!" I ask him to verbalize his story, and he goes on and on and on. So I see he just isn't ready to get all those thoughts out in word form.

DH flat out refuses to believe that a child can read before entering the school system. I was reading full chapter books before I even attended Kindergarten, but he doesn't believe it. I was placed in "advanced" classes throughout my years, but never moved up a grade, thus I wasn't "as smart as I thought." 

Simply put, I do not know how to deschool him enough to even get him to take some of this information seriously.

Sorry that was lengthy! Whew. I don't speak with many people about my views on education as just about everyone in my life has expressed their disgust with unschooling, and even homeshooling. I just feel that this is such a big turning point we have reached, we are already making so many life changes, and I can tell I am in the deschooling process with kiddo as I have finally deemed his "school" as just a waste of time, and almost torture! Even his handwriting course... "Handwriting Without Tears"... should there be tears involved in handwriting EVER?!

Thanks ladies. I hope this makes some sense, I haven't had my coffee yet this morning :)

by Member on Nov. 29, 2013 at 9:39 AM
We are quasi unschoolers. I use curriculum and make up my own that follow their interests. They are always free to change their assignmemt. I would talk to him about why unschooling works. I also would tell him that he needs to trust you and you would never do anything that will jeopardize their future.
by on Nov. 30, 2013 at 9:10 PM

Yes, I agree that he needs to trust you.  He needs to have faith that what you are doing is beneficial to your son.  You need to be organized (with goals) so you know what you need to accomplish, if not just to show to your hubby.  You can do both.

My kids attend our local public school and I unschool them at home, if it is indeed what I am doing.  We don't follow any curriculum.  They explore their own interests and with those that hubby and I share with them.  They do well in school and for the most part are happy going.  Surprisingly, their teachers have been very supportive and understanding and very accepting of who we are.  I tell their teachers staight away that I trust them and have faith in them to educate my children.  Being kind has always been our door opener. 

by Group Owner on Dec. 10, 2013 at 4:05 PM

We used the 'subject matter expert' argument. That is:

I know a LOT more about this subject than you do, so I'll be making all the decisions about it. IF you feel the need to argue about my decision, FIRST you must do any research at all into any of the subject. 'A guy at work told me' is not going to qualify as 'research' or 'information.'

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