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Need help building my son's confidence level

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2013 at 8:05 PM
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My little guy is 6 y/o.  He's mature, kind, sweet, and very bright.  He thinks he isn't good at anything and has no friends.  Anytime anyone speaks of something good and doesn't mention his name, he withers.  He's great at many things but chooses to see things through the eyes of a pessimist.  He has two older sisters (ages 13 and 11), so he may be feeling like the third wheel or in their shadow.  ???  Need an objective point of view.  Any advice will be appreciated.  Thanks.

by on Nov. 26, 2013 at 8:05 PM
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Replies (1-5):
jen2150
by Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 9:12 AM
Have you thought of having him take karate? I am doing it with my sons and it has done wonders for my son. I also work on lifeskill each month, encourage him, tell him famous quotes, read stories that inspire. I also tell him stories from my childhood. Confidence is built by giving him challenges to overcome. Don't come to his rescue. When you overcome you develop more confidence. Good luck and confidence takes time.
Saracide
by Member on Nov. 29, 2013 at 4:04 PM

What is something he is good at, despite whether he feels that he is or not? Set goals and help him to achieve them. Have him write them down so he can see it, then when he is done he will know for certain that HE accomplished that! It doesn't have to be big goals, or long term ones, maybe start with some short term ones. Setting goals has helped my son the most. He is very self critical. However when he sets the goal, and then he achieves it, it does wonders.

I am also looking for more ways to improve on this as well. 

mamavalor
by Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 12:24 PM

Thank you ladies for your advice.  It's hard to keep up because what once was a confidence booster now is't.  We keep the activities he enjoys and nix the others.  His accordion teacher is very good with him as most of her students are or have been boys and she sets goals for him to achieve. For now I just listen to him vent, mainly because I ran out of ideas and to the direction of his sister who told me when she was his age to just listen because she knew what to do.  He isn't as direct as she or as strong willed, and since I grew up with only sisters I have no clue how to raise boys.  :/

Yesterday he went to a birthday party and tried so, so hard for a stuffed animal in one of those claw machines.  After exhausting all his coins he finally got it.  He was so happy.  And I was so proud of him.  :)

 

LindaClement
by Group Owner on Nov. 30, 2013 at 4:01 PM

It's a good idea, too, to have him around kids younger than himself --and to talk with him when they're present about how he used to not be able to do the things those kids can't do.

'Becoming' is an abstraction that Western minds have trouble with even as adults. For kids, seeing the 'I can do this now that I didn't used to be able to do' is even harder when they're used to what they can do now, and forget how they struggled to get here.

mamavalor
by Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 9:29 PM
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Great point, Linda.   We often forget the hard work that went into the process in getting us there.  He does enjoy being around younger kids but he prefers to be with the older ones, who unfortunately aren't always so welcoming.  

There are countless hours of film starring our children.  They do enjoy viewing them and seeing how much they have grown and learned since then.    However, often after these viewings he gets depressed and wants to go back to those days when life was simpler.

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