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My mom is a clueless jerk. :(

Posted by (Melanie) on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:23 PM
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So yesterday was my baby's third birthday. We started it out rough driving 80 miles each way to his SPD specialist. He had a meltdown there that lasted almost an hour and a half just because she wanted him to touch a spoon with a little bit of applesauce with his tongue. He is severely mouth defensive. The OT, who is the specialist that his regular OT sent us to because she couldn't deal with some of his issues, felt like she wasn't able to deal with his issues at the moment so went and got the behavioral specialist and we had a 1 hour session with her. The OT didn't want to end the session without him achieving some knd of success, no matter how minor. Now these people are specialists and have been working a long time...10+ years. What do I do if he exhausts these people? I live in Montana and they are the only SPD people in the state. Now I have to contact a SPD specialist in nutrition that they work with and I am just not sure how many more appointments I can take per week.

So I am trying to talk to my mom about it while I am making his birthday dinner, which of course he wouldn't eat because it wasn't noodles. He is bashing and crashing the dumptruck into every surface he can find, because that is what he does. He needs heavy sensory input and she bought him a cheap plastic truck which she didn't even bother to wrap. I have issues with her because as a child I was not allwed to play with most of my toys because they might be collectors items someday and I might ruin them, so they sat on the top shelf of my closet so I could see them but not touch them. Anywhoooooooo.....

So she says in her superior tone, "I told you you were going to have nothing but trouble with that one. But you never listen to reason. You could see from the start that he had real issues and now look where you are at." I guess she is lucky her own two children were perfect. Yes, I was a foster parent and I suppose we could have given him back, and I know people do that, but you must understand how fiercely bonded I am to this child. He is my treasure and I love him like crazy. I was just watching him play and smiling because I was secretly amused he was trying so hard to really bash the heck out of that truck and I said something like, "Oh but he is my special boy, and I love him like crazy." Then she says, "Well he isn't going to be so cute when he is 15." Well guess what are his grandmother and should love him unconditionally. She dotes on my daughter who can do no wrong but she really has never warmed up completely to my son.She really was never happy about the foster care thing either, because all I was going to get were damaged kids. Helloooooo...I have lupus, RA, fibro, and clinical sister is severely bipolar and I am suspecting has something like Marfan Syndrome. I guess we're lucky none of it really showed up until we were out of the house. But who would she have given us to since we were her bio kids? People with bio kids can't just say hey, this one doesn't really work for me, he's broken, can I give him back and try something different? And quite honestly, I would not trade either of my damaged children for the world. They are so special  in their own ways, either because of or in spite of their damage, and I don't have a single friend whose kids I would trade for mine.

She sent him a post card a few weeks ago that had a picture of two cute fuzzy grizzly bears on it and wrote on the back, "These bears are fuzzy and cute, but you can't play with them because they can be very mean. They remind me of you." WHAT? I threw it in the garbage. It is hurtful enough to have to deal with all the crap we get from strangers who have no idea what we struggle with, but when it comes from these kids' family it just sucks. When I was in the therapist's office making my umpteeth trip out to get more Kleenex for his nose and drooling during his tantrum a lady who was waiting with her son gave me the kindest look and said "How you holding up mamma?" I can't tell you how soothing it was after listening to my baby scream for over an hour. But my own mother wants to give me an "I told you so?" :'(

Thanks for letting me vent. I am really depressed about this today. Not because of my son's issues but because I just pray that they never have to hear the crap that some people are going to say about them. But my grandmother was a complete asshole, so my mom learned from a pro. :(

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:23 PM
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Replies (1-4):
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:58 PM
I'm so sorry
LadybugsMonkeys Char
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 9:57 PM


How was the rest of his birthday?

I'm sorry to hear that your own mother could be that way. It is people like that, that makes me fight even harder for my sons. But it took me a long time to get past the hurt/anger and find my fight. Those who does not break us makes us stronger. A saying a teacher of mine used to have wrote on the board everyday, not I keep a sticky note by my desk at home with it. My other favorite is: There is no such thing as bad days, just some are better than others.
I love the angel moms that we sometimes run across in the waiting rooms that just understand, without having to say a word. 

(Not allowed to play with toys cuz they might be collectors items-then buy two one for play and one to sit on a shelf and collect dust-in my opinion)

CopperGirl Melanie
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 1:37 PM

Thanks guys. I have already told my mother that if she gives it to my kids they will be allowed to play with it and more than likely it will get broken. She also knows not to show my kids toys if they are not allowed to play with them. Once when my daughter was about 2.5 she brought out a complete collection of Sesame Street beanie babies, showed them to my daughter, and then my kid had a screaming fit bc she wasn't allowed to touch them. Oy vey. That is just messed up. When I was a kid she made a big deal of going out of town to my uncle's record shop and buying the latest Disney record. They were really cool and had scenes from the movie on each side. Well, guess what? They are all still in my closet on the top shelf all in their shrink wrap except for one that I got to but none have ever been listened too.

The rest of the party didn't go well, My husband acted like a 2 year old and was good enough to leave right after the party before I had to throw him out. I don't get how a grown man cannot wait until the 3 year old gets his cupcake and blows out the candles before he snarfs down his cupcake and then proceeds to spread his newspaper out on the table and completely ignore people talking to him, doesn't sing happy birthday, etc. He was pouting because he was trying to be in every photo and when he got the idea I was just trying to get my son opening gifts in some of them he would seriously stick his hand into the photo. Seriously? Grow up man, you're 40 years old! I did blow off everything else and sit and watch Dora with my kiddos for the rest of the night which was nice and calming. :)

jdouglas111 Jessica
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:21 PM
I'm sorry. Some moms are just insane, good for you for standing up to her. And wth is up with your husband!? I totally agree that he was being super immature. You're an awesome mama, don't let either of them get you down.
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