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When people only hear what they want .

Posted by on Sep. 1, 2012 at 8:23 PM
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After I got home from taking Joe to his appt and 2 errands, I picked Rachel up to come home for the weekend.
I was excited to share the positive news and was not surprised to see that Dad had already sent out an email about the slightly positive outcome.
To my surprise when I opened the email, the information was a little incorrect.
Even though our parents were sitting in the same room, at the same time, all they heard was that " there was no cancer present" I sat there and thought about all that had been discussed both during and after the appt and thought they had understood what was being said.
I sent a follow up email with more info to "go along with our parents email" to our extended family.
Then the girls asked me if I was going to correct what they were saying to friends and family? First I said " no" but them I decided to send them my thoughts on the real news we heard and the chat. Joe and I had later about how he was perceiving the status of his can Ed.
They have done this before... And then people get confused when we make them aware of the next steps .
So I am hoping now that they have what was really said at the appt, they can digest it and share the correct info.
I don't want to crush them, but pretending the cancer is gone is only going to set them up for another possible, crushing evaluation.
by on Sep. 1, 2012 at 8:23 PM
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Replies (1-4):
SusanTheWriter
by Bronze Member on Sep. 1, 2012 at 8:39 PM

My mom does this all the time. I go to the dr with her and by the time we get home, she's gone on some tangent that had nothing to do with the actual information. Very frustrating.

When I had cancer, I made DH come to as many appts as he could so I could be sure I understood what was actually going on. I'm not great at listening and I know I miss things, not to mention being incredibly freaked out, so he was very helpful.

SusanTheWriter ~ Wife, Mom, Author

HEAVNLI1
by Derby City Diva on Sep. 1, 2012 at 9:28 PM

My mom is horrible with this. At times it just seems too careless.  Drives me bonkers.  I am often left to wonder if she was paying attention at all or if we were even involved in the same conversation.  I always have to go to me dad to get facts.  Grrrrr. I love her but it is really frustrating...

However, as I read your post I could not help but wonder if this is what they need to believe..... I can imagine their fear.  Watching my parents bury my brother was absolute gut wrenching torture and it changed who they are forever..... could be they are just chosing to be overly excited about the report???  I know you are trying to protect them from being crushed....but I can tell you from experience..they will be... you all will be... I am praying for your family and your brother in particular... so glad you got the little bit of good news.... you are doing what you can to keep them informed correctly and that is all you can do.

Hugs!

sonogal
by Baby Diva on Sep. 2, 2012 at 10:14 PM
It is possible it is a coping mechanism. That has to be devastating to hear bad news about a child. I do understand your frustration, though. We medical people forget that not everyone can follow the sometimes confusing information. hugs!
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firemouse23
by Queen of the Divas on Sep. 2, 2012 at 11:08 PM

It does sound as if they are only seeing the silver in the cloud.  It could either be their way of coping...or staying positive in a dark situation.  It was good you let everyone know the other perspective of the situation.

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