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Are your support groups really supportive?

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:59 PM
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 I joined a group on cafemom thinking it would help bring me up and survive my loss, but the group is so negative ..its like they want you to wallow in that dark place and get angry at others for saying nice things about their angel..I had to leave the group because i felt like i was the only one who was trying to be strong and positive and find some peace in my Logan's passing..And the group was starting to bring me down. I almost felt like i was the odd ball, and that i was wrong for finding peace and believing that my Logan is in a good place! But i know he is always with me and I know he knows that I love him dearly! So i had to leave that group..Its hard enough trying to stay positive I can't be around people who want me to go to that dark place all the time.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:59 PM
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Replies (1-4):
bczjk76
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:03 PM
Some of them do but some of them make things worse.
Mommylove.sl.ei
by Group Administrator on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:54 PM
it depends on the day, I feel the same way about my birth group im so out of the loop because I need extra love so to speak.
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Caffeineplease
by Head Administrator on Nov. 10, 2011 at 7:14 AM

 I guess, i just let the negative stuff get in the way of the positive..There are a lot of nice people in the group , but when it gets angry..its like someone knocking me right on my ass again. and it took me a long way to get where i am mentally.

athiede
by Group Administrator on Nov. 10, 2011 at 8:03 AM
1 mom liked this

I think the support groups are helpful in some ways, but there is a time and a place for them.  I joined an e-mail support group shortly after Jolynn died, I had to quit reading posts very early in this pregnancy because I found myself living this pregnancy through their losses.  If they lost their child at 14 weeks, I panicked until 14 weeks had passed.  I worried about diseases, heart conditions, everything that every one of them posted about.  I found I needed more support in the pregnancy and less support in the loss and had to move on from that group.  I joined cm and am in a birth group.  I joined it late in my pregnancy and I actually love it.  I've met some amazing women.  I was able to reach out to the one woman in our group who experienced a still birth and offer support.  I don't think I could have done that if I was still wallowing in fear from reading about so many losses.  I think we need to figure out what we need from our support group and look for that.  If we can't get it, then we move on.  As far as the people who are living in the darkness, it is hard to say where they are in their journey.  Everyone grieves at different rates.  I couldn't imagine going through any of this if I wasn't a Christian and from what I've read it seems that those who don't believe in God, Jesus, and/or Heaven and Hell take longer to get through the grief.  It was really hard for me in the beginning to get through the darkness.  I went through a period I was very angry with God.  I felt like prayer was pointless.  It all takes time.  I hope you all can find support where and when you need it.  It's good to focus on the positive and I'm glad I'm finding that here, even with our small group.   

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