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News & Politics News & Politics

A Letter To Texas From The Remaining 49 States

Posted by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:40 AM
  • 25 Replies

WE THE CITIZENS of The Remaining 49 United States of America hereby grant Texas its wish to withdraw from our country, that it may create its own sovereign nation. A nation completely free of the burden of tolerance regarding any ideas, customs, laws, taxes, or ethnicity that it does not “cotton to”.

We congratulate our new neighbors to the South on the imminent creation of its perfect Utopia, in which cumbersome gun laws need not exist, the mentally handicapped can be executed with reckless abandon, and school curriculums can be properly adjusted to instruct children that the Earth is a mere 3000 years old.

We will, of course, miss the economic benefits, quality barbecue and hot cheerleaders that you have nobly provided over these past 200-plus years. But though we won’t argue that Texas has been at the forefront of the nation in production of oil, beef, cotton, and other valuable commodities, those benefits have always been tragically counterbalanced by your state’s equally impressive production of prideful ignorance and unrepentant assholes.

(Side note: We know it’s a long shot, but is there any chance that we could convince you to take Alabama with you? With both of you gone it would really help boost our national literacy rate. You could call yourself “Alabexas”. No? We didn’t think so. It was worth a try.)

One last request: as an act of goodwill between nations, before you erect your long-awaited immigrant-proof wall can you do us a solid and give the Austin hipster-transplants a couple of weeks to pack up their instruments and get their vans back up here? Thanks.

So I guess this is it Texas. I suspect we won’t hear from you again until you remember that human beings need water to live. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Thanks for the memories and for Stevie Ray Vaughan. Our country just got a little bit smaller but a great deal more respectable. And for that we thank you.

-THE REMAINING 49 STATES OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MomTiara19
by Silver Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 5:04 AM
1 mom liked this

Sounds fair!

sadeyez11
by New Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 5:07 AM
Um what did texas do that was so bad you dont want it to be part if the us anymore. im from texas and i have no idea
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IndBelle
by New Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 8:28 AM
14 moms liked this

Please do not speak for all of us in the remaining 49 states; you are too hateful to speak for me.

romalove
by SenseandSensibility on Dec. 1, 2012 at 8:45 AM


Quoting sadeyez11:

Um what did texas do that was so bad you dont want it to be part if the us anymore. im from texas and i have no idea

This is a response to the Texas secession request that was filed after the election.


rccmom
by Gold Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 8:54 AM
1 mom liked this
Really, the BBQ in Texas really isn't that good. I like the shout out to the hipsters in Austin. You gotta remember though, there are a variety of people here in TX. It is just the seccesionists are a very vocal group right now. I doubt the majority of Texans want to secede.
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CplusG
by New Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 8:57 AM
Bump
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Billiejeens
by Ruby Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 9:01 AM
3 moms liked this


Quoting _Kissy_:

WE THE CITIZENS of The Remaining 49 United States of America hereby grant Texas its wish to withdraw from our country, that it may create its own sovereign nation. A nation completely free of the burden of tolerance regarding any ideas, customs, laws, taxes, or ethnicity that it does not “cotton to”.

We congratulate our new neighbors to the South on the imminent creation of its perfect Utopia, in which cumbersome gun laws need not exist, the mentally handicapped can be executed with reckless abandon, and school curriculums can be properly adjusted to instruct children that the Earth is a mere 3000 years old.

We will, of course, miss the economic benefits, quality barbecue and hot cheerleaders that you have nobly provided over these past 200-plus years. But though we won’t argue that Texas has been at the forefront of the nation in production of oil, beef, cotton, and other valuable commodities, those benefits have always been tragically counterbalanced by your state’s equally impressive production of prideful ignorance and unrepentant assholes.

(Side note: We know it’s a long shot, but is there any chance that we could convince you to take Alabama with you? With both of you gone it would really help boost our national literacy rate. You could call yourself “Alabexas”. No? We didn’t think so. It was worth a try.)

One last request: as an act of goodwill between nations, before you erect your long-awaited immigrant-proof wall can you do us a solid and give the Austin hipster-transplants a couple of weeks to pack up their instruments and get their vans back up here? Thanks.

So I guess this is it Texas. I suspect we won’t hear from you again until you remember that human beings need water to live. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Thanks for the memories and for Stevie Ray Vaughan. Our country just got a little bit smaller but a great deal more respectable. And for that we thank you.

-THE REMAINING 49 STATES OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

No citation?

candlegal
by Silver Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 9:03 AM
5 moms liked this

LOL, how many other states filed one.   Wasn't it over 20?

Quoting romalove:


Quoting sadeyez11:

Um what did texas do that was so bad you dont want it to be part if the us anymore. im from texas and i have no idea

This is a response to the Texas secession request that was filed after the election.



Conservative Republicans     

Where Smart Moms Hang Out


romalove
by SenseandSensibility on Dec. 1, 2012 at 9:18 AM


Quoting candlegal:

LOL, how many other states filed one.   Wasn't it over 20?

Quoting romalove:


Quoting sadeyez11:

Um what did texas do that was so bad you dont want it to be part if the us anymore. im from texas and i have no idea

This is a response to the Texas secession request that was filed after the election.



Yes, there were a bunch, all by citizens and not by government officials that I know of.

I am not OP, just explaining to the other poster why this response was made.

Is it anti-Texas?  Undoubtedly.  Why?  What do you think?

Mommy_of_Riley
by Just Jess on Dec. 1, 2012 at 9:54 AM
4 moms liked this
Eh.

I live here. LOVE TEXAS. :-D

I think the other 49 are just jealous...
LOL! (Take a joke people, don't get all crazy)
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