To be Happy, We Must Admit Women and Men Aren't "Equal"
Norman Vincent Peale, author of "The Power of Positive Thinking," once wrote these words: “Change your thoughts, and you change your world.”
His statement is highlighted at the beginning of my new book, "How to Choose a Husband and Make Peace with Marriage
." Its premise is that if women want to be successful in love, they should reject the cultural script they’ve been sold and adopt a whole new view of men and marriage.
As products of divorce, the modern generation has few role models for lasting love. That alone is a problem. But young women have an added burden: they’ve been raised in a society that eschews marriage. They’ve been taught instead to honor sex, singlehood and female empowerment.
Consider this statement by Rebecca Traister in Marie Claire: “The world as we’ve known it for a very long time—one in which a woman’s value was tied to her role as a wife—is ending, right in front of us. It is now standard for a woman to spend years on her own, learning, working, earning, socializing, having sex, and yes, having babies in the manner she—and she alone—sees fit. We are living through the invention of independent female adulthood.”
This message is not an anomaly; the idea that women don’t need men or marriage is palpable. It began in earnest more than forty years ago, with the modern feminist movement. Feminists assured women their efforts would result in more satisfying marriages, but the result is something else altogether. It looks something like this:
1. Women postpone marriage indefinitely and move in and out of intense romantic relationships, or even live with their boyfriends for years at a time. Eventually, their biological clocks start ticking and many decide they better hurry up and get married to provide a stable home for their yet-to-be-born children. Trouble is, their boyfriend’s not willing to commit.
2. Marriage becomes a competitive sport. The complementary nature of marriage—in which two people work together, as equals, toward the same goal but with an appreciation for the qualities each gender brings to the table—has been obliterated. Today, husbands and wives are locked in a battle about whom does more on the home front and how they’re going to get everything done. That’s not a marriage. That’s war.
It’s time to say what no one else will: Feminism didn’t result in equality between the sexes – it resulted in mass confusion. Today, men and women have no idea who’s supposed to do what.
Prior to the 1970s, people viewed gender roles as as equally valuable. Many would argue women had the better end of the deal! It’s hard to claim women were oppressed in a nation in which men were expected to stand up when a lady enters the room or to lay down their lives to spare women life. When the Titanic went down in 1912, its sinking took 1,450 lives. Only 103 were women. One-hundred three.
Compare that with last year’s wrecked cruise line, the Costa Concordia. It resulted in fewer deaths, but there was another significant difference. “There was no ‘women and children first’ policy. There were big men, crew members, pushing their way past us to get into the lifeboats. It was disgusting,” said passenger Sandra Rogers, 62.
The captain of the ship agrees. In USA Today, Francesco Schettino was asked about his New Year’s resolution. He responded, “Bone up on the parts about ‘women and children first’ and ‘the captain goes down with his ship.’”
You see, the problem with equality is that it implies two things are interchangeable – meaning one thing can be substituted for the other with no ramifications. That is what feminists would have us believe, and anyone who contradicts this dogma is branded sexist.
But the truth must be heard. Being equal in worth, or value, is not the same as being identical, interchangeable beings. Men and women may be capable of doing many of the same things, but that doesn’t mean they want to. That we don’t have more female CEOs or stay-at-home dads proves this in spades.
Unless, of course, you’re beholden to feminism. In that case, you’ll believe the above is evidence of discrimination. You’ll believe what feminists taught you to believe: that gender is a social construct.
Those of us with children know better. We know little girls love their dolls and boys just want to kick that ball. This doesn’t mean men can’t take care of babies or women can’t play sports. It just means each gender has its own energy that flows in a specific direction. For God’s sake, let it flow.
The battle of the sexes is over. And guess what? No one won. Why not try something else on for size? Like this: men and women are equal, but different. They’ve each been blessed with amazing and unique qualities that they bring to the table. Isn’t it time we stopped fussing about who brought what and simply enjoy the feast?
Suzanne Venker has written extensively about politics, parenting, and the influence of feminism on American society. Her latest book, "How to Choose a Husband and Make Peace with Marriage," is now available at Amazon. Also available is her new Kindle Single, "The War on Men" For more on Suzanne, visit www.suzannevenker.com and www.howtochooseahusband.com.
grandma B
you mean women haters will be happier if we were to agree to this bullshit
Finally! I've been waiting for someone else to say this!
Thanks for the excellent article!
But then I have my parents. They've been married for 32 years.. They hold hands when they're out and about, they sneak kisses, I've always always seen them as two of the happiest most in love people I know. My mom has made more money than my dad...$50,000-$100,000 more for my entire life.. For as long as I can remember. Now at 61 my dad has retired (he still works painting houses 6-8 months out of the year, but he's retired from teaching) and my mother, at 57, is in her 2nd year in a doctorate program and is a superintendent of a nearby school district. To say she's busy would be an understatement. So many times I have gone to their house and there are flowers on the counter and a "just because" card from my dad telling my mom how proud he is of her and how amazed by her he is and always has been.
I'm sure they had rough patches, but I never saw them. My mom is a wonderful woman who has always been an inspiration to me.. To find what I am passionate about and go after it. My dad has been a role model to me.. and living proof that real, sweet, respectful,strong, family-oriented men who aren't put off or intimidated by a successful woman really are out there.
I found one.. We are partners in everything.. We both bring in money, we both take care of the kids, cook, clean, take care of the house. We're a team at everything we do.
So.. I don't agree with this, I've already found peace and happiness without succumbing to a "traditional female role". I think this article and similar ones I have read..are bullshit and I think both men and women should be offended by it. Men are better than this and women are too.
Yes I do. I think we are Yin and Yang - I think women are just as valuable as men. I believe our patriarchal society downplays the role of women and their strengths
Quoting jcrew6:
Quoting mikiemom:
you mean women haters will be happier if we were to agree to this bullshit
Do you think men and women are equal?
Seriously? Ss plays happily with dolls, and dd would rather play ball.
Ok, to the point... We're not equal? Of course not...we're still not there yet. One day, but not today
Another one of your nonsensical answers. How did you get to be such an angry person?
Quoting mikiemom:
you mean women haters will be happier if we were to agree to this bullshit
grandma B
Since evangelical and fundamentalist Christians have the country's highest divorce rate? I'll pass on this advice.
My husband and I are equal. I'm sorry if that offends anyone, lol..
edited for annoying grammatical error.
Judge refuses to stop Arizona from denying driver's licenses to immigrants
- grandmab125
on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:56 PM