If you've never watched Fox News' "The Five," "The Daily Show" is here to describe it for you in inimitable fashion.

One might think that "The Five" is just a standard-issue panel show, but Samantha Bee had her own unbelievably intense interpretation of the show. What "The Five"really is, she said, is the story of a "secret love" between the deeply pure Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld, "a pill-popping afternoon drunk who's riddled with Hepatitis."

And while Bee says Eric Bolling is constantly trying to intervene with this love, it could only take a man "with a soul so dark," like Bob Beckel, to expose and destroy this sweet love story once and for all.

Dun. Dun. DUUUUUNNNNNNNNN.

Seriously, the whole thing is amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing.

Watch the video for the "Daily Show's" full theatrical performance of "The Five".