ARIZONA CONFRONTING AWKWARD REALIZATION THAT GAY PEOPLE HAVE MONEY, BUY STUFF
PHOENIX (The Borowitz Report)â€”The state of Arizona found itself in the middle of a conundrum today as it awoke to the awkward realization that gay people have money and buy stuff.
Just days after the Arizona legislature passed a law that would enable businesses to discriminate against gays, it emerged that gays spend billions of dollars in Arizona each yearâ€”an unexpected development that seemed to take many legislators by surprise.
Carol Foyler, a Tea Party Republican who supported the anti-gay law, said that the startling bombshell that gays play a role in the stateâ€™s economy put her and her fellow lawmakers â€śin a tight spot.â€ť
â€śQuite frankly, we were blindsided by this,â€ť she said. â€śWe had no idea that gays had money and bought things just like regular people do.â€ť
Acknowledging that her vote for the anti-gay law might have been calamitous for the stateâ€™s economy, Ms. Foyler placed the blame for it squarely on the shoulders of one group: the gays themselves.
â€śHow was I supposed to know what gay people do with their money, etc., when I donâ€™t personally know any gay people?â€ť she asked. â€śIâ€™m sorry, but it was up to the gays to tell us.â€ť
I bet you make your daddy proud