Sarah Palin wants to be on The View. Make your own damn âRussia from my houseâ joke
Monday, July 7, 2014 13:59 EDT
So you want some hot Sarah Palin news? Of course you do, you clicked on the link. Donât lie.
Well, since youâre here and since you asked so nicely, letâs get caught up on Americaâs favorite 7-year-long exploding-railcar-of-fertilizer career that is Sarah Palin, Snow Queen of the Northern Meth Tribes.
When we last left Sarah â because she will never ever leave usâŠ. ever â she was threatening togo rogue with the Tea Partiers and party like it was 1776, meaning she wouldnât be able to vote, her not being a landowning white man. We applauded this maneuver because we love America as much as Sarah loves attention, only weâre not as obsessed with it.
On the occasion of the Sportsman Channel picking up a second season of Sarah Palinâs Death Metal Critter Killinâ And Doinâ Other Stuff Hour, la Palin agreed to an email interview with the Hollywood Reporter because a real interview might have involved trick âgotchaâ questions like, âWhatâs your favorite color?â or âHow many kids have you really birthed?,â because Andrew Sullivan is a big Hollywood Reporter fan.
So what did we learn? Stuff about her teevee show, and Hillary Clintonâs book, and how she wants to go on The View because Elizabeth Hasselbeck was never given the opportunity to dumb it down enough for America. Letâs get startedâŠ
What was your favorite show from season one?
Itâs hard to pick just one because they all told such interesting and inspiring stories! But based on a lot of positive feedbackâŠ
blahblahblahbbity-blah. Just say âall of them, Katie,â and get it the hell over with. It is a time-tested, proven answer.
What are some of the activities/places you want to explore in season two?
Weâre working on stories about people that go above and beyond to help others, really inspirational stuff that will encourage the entire nation. Weâve also got some amazing craftsmen lined up as well. I love showcasing skill and work ethic that deserves to be rewarded.
People doing shit, also, too, work ethic and not quitting half way through because we have an hour to fill, less commercials for male catheters.
What television shows do you like to watch with your family?
My show. There are no other shows. Maybe also DVRâd episodes of my daughter clomping about like a concussed Clydesdale on a dance show. SHE WAS ROBBED!
Any interest in doing a political talk show, either on TV, radio or the Internet?
Oh, Jesus, here it comes.
Maybe. But the politics would have to be interspersed with a whole lot of fun and real life and inspiration showcasing American work ethic, because those topics are all pretty much the antithesis of todayâs politics, which I find incorrigibly disastrous!
Okay. I can guarantee you that she used five words there that she has no idea what they mean, and Iâll spot you the first one: âwork.â
Nevertheless, please proceed, half-term governor:
Itâd be so much fun to shake it up taking on issues that make audiences objectively consider all sides, and Iâd do it with my own real-life groundedness, candor and commonsense that Iâm known for. Media needs that today, versus the condescension that oozes from TV and radio. I hear everyone recently got canned from The View, maybe a show like that needs a punch of reality and a voice of reason from Americaâs heartland to knock some humble sense into their scripts. You know, someone willing to go rogue.
After the stupefying star turn by Elizabeth Hasselbeck who proved to be so dumb that Fox hired her away to make Brian Kilmeade look like he was smart enough to be trusted with something sharper than a spork, and then filling Hasslebeckâs chair with Jenny McCarthy who is Typhoid Mary with boobs, and after keeping Sherri Shepherd around to cast doubt about whether the Earth is roundâŠ. Iâd say Americaâs heartland has had more than enough know-nothing commonsense, short of Palin coming on to talk about how Bartles & Jaymes makes virgins pregnant, and here is proof: my daughter.
Have you read Hillary Clintonâs book Hard Choices?
So far just the passage about me because an attorney sent the passage to me.
Knock me over with a feather. Sheâs read the part about herself.
They couldnât attack my record as an executive, a Mayor, a Governor, an energy resources commissioner, nor a wife and mother, so ratcheting it all down she surmised the attacks would be based on gender! How passĂ©. How mighty hypocritical. Hillary refused to engage. I appreciated her boldness in explaining that behind-the-scenes campaign tactic of Obamaâs. Iâve since pointed out thereâs no âwar on womenâ if one doesnât react to that immature shot across the bow from the Liberal Left like America saw during that entire campaign. Donât retreat from such a shot. Just reload like Iâve been blessed to have the opportunity to do. And hey, Iâm still standing! So flipping proud to be an American where I know first hand that anything is possible if you work hard, put your life in Godâs hands, serve something greater than self, and live life vibrantly!
So weird that this was at the end. Usually word salad is served before the entrĂ©e.
Which is French, like âpassĂ©.â
Which Sarah Palin also could not define if you gave her a running start and a French dictionaryâŠ