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Joke of the Day.

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:20 AM
  • 8 Replies
1 mom liked this

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:20 AM
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Billiejeens
by Emerald Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:20 AM
1 mom liked this

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!” “Thank you very much for the call, sir.” The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?” “Yep.” “Did they chop your firewood?” “Yep.” “Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”

Billiejeens
by Emerald Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:21 AM
2 moms liked this

 man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 88. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife said, " Let him dig. I had him buried upside down...and I know he won't ask for directions." -Submitted by: RED

Billiejeens
by Emerald Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:22 AM
  • President Obama was giving an interview recently, and he said he thought that Joe Biden would be a good president. When asked why, he was like, "Because he'd make me look AMAZING."
  • Edward Snowden is back with yet another spying scandal. In a new interview, Snowden revealed that NSA employees regularly pass around nude pictures of people they spy on. It got even weirder when German Chancellor Angela Merkel said, "So, vat do you think?"
  • I heard that Rob Ford's nephew is planning to run for a seat on the Toronto City Council. He has an interesting campaign slogan: "I'm adopted!"
  • Last night, a 105-year-old woman threw out the first pitch at the San Diego Padres game. It got a bit weird when she turned to 50 Cent and said, "Now THAT'S how you throw a baseball!"
    Billiejeens
    by Emerald Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:23 AM
  • "Star Wars" fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new "Star Wars" movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han Solo all waking up in Vegas.
  • Officials are concerned that people in Los Angeles are too apathetic about the drought. We're not doing anything about it. Of course, that will change next week when we announce that the drought is killing all the marijuana crops.
  • NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden is back in the news. He says the military at the NSA often shared nude photos that Americans had emailed to one another. So if your girlfriend won't send you naked pictures, just tell her, do it for the troops.
    Billiejeens
    by Emerald Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:24 AM
  • President Kennedy said let's put a man on the moon, and by God, 10 years later we put a man on the moon. Yesterday was the 45th anniversary. Nowadays a big deal for us is we combined the croissant and the doughnut to get a cronut.
  • When we landed on the moon everybody remembers what they were doing, and everybody remembers what Neil Armstrong said just before he left the capsule and stepped onto the surface of the moon. He said: "Out of my way, Buzz!" Whack!
  • A 105-year-old woman in San Diego threw out the first pitch in a baseball game. I think it's great to see Barbara Walters is still out there.
  • She pitched seven scoreless innings! And she's the only woman who slept with both Alex Rodriguez and Babe Ruth.
    Billiejeens
    by Emerald Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:25 AM
    1 mom liked this
  • In a recent interview, President Obama said Joe Biden "would be a superb president." In a related story, Hillary Clinton punched a hole in a door.
  • The Chicago Cubs have filed a lawsuit against a man who got into a bar fight while unofficially dressed as the team's mascot. They could tell he wasn’t affiliated with the Cubs because he won.
  • According to a new poll, two-thirds of people in Colorado think it should be illegal to smoke marijuana in public, while the other one-third are still laughing at the word "poll."
    vic270
    by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:07 AM
    1 mom liked this

     that is so funny, i think i peed myself a little laughing.

    Quoting Billiejeens:

     man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 88. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife said, " Let him dig. I had him buried upside down...and I know he won't ask for directions." -Submitted by: RED

     

    vic270
    by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:23 AM

     speaking of people that Barbara slept with, (I saw her on the view when she told it to the world) Alan Greenspan. He must have been desperate. lol

    Quoting Billiejeens:
  • President Kennedy said let's put a man on the moon, and by God, 10 years later we put a man on the moon. Yesterday was the 45th anniversary. Nowadays a big deal for us is we combined the croissant and the doughnut to get a cronut.
  • When we landed on the moon everybody remembers what they were doing, and everybody remembers what Neil Armstrong said just before he left the capsule and stepped onto the surface of the moon. He said: "Out of my way, Buzz!" Whack!
  • A 105-year-old woman in San Diego threw out the first pitch in a baseball game. I think it's great to see Barbara Walters is still out there.
  • She pitched seven scoreless innings! And she's the only woman who slept with both Alex Rodriguez and Babe Ruth.
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