The first six months or so of our marriage was bliss but then things gave way to quarreling over resposibilities and expectations. Neither of us was truly happy. Without telling me my husband became more authoritarian. Of course he didn't need to tell me. The change was abrupt and obvious. My first intinct to rebel. I grew up in a very religious strict conservative household and didn't think I wanted to live the rest of my life that way. My rebellion didnt last. We started going to church twice a week and having Bible study at home every morning with just he and I and also every night with us and the kids. I found myself so busy I honestly didnt have time to consider what he had done or hadnt done. After several weeks i found myself breaking down. I just couldnt do it all. My husband held me and he prayed with me asking God to show me the way. After that he went in the bedroom and locked the door leaving me alone the kids at Grandma's. I was crying my eyes out begging him to talk to me or at least let me in. He never did and left the next morning without saying a word. He wouldnt even look at me. I wanted to call my parents but was to ashamed to. They always said marriage wouldn't work. So I sat there crying until he got home that afternoon. He picked me up from the couch and stood me in front of him. He asked, "Are YOU ready to let God help you?". I was still crying and said Yes. He walked away and then turned back and said I am your husband God sent me to help you and you to help me. He answered your prayer before you asked him. Do not EVER question God again!
That is what started our beautiful journey. I'm sure the type of discipline I receive for questioning God or my husband is different than most but it's devastating to me. It's the absence of my husband. Just like that first time totally ignoring me and any look at me is filled with only disappointment but It's longer usually 24 hours. After that we pray. Him praying for respect and obedience from me and me praying for forgiveness.
Discipline isnt necessary as often as it used to be but I do find myself questioning his authority at times still, usually over something new. I am hoping that discussion and friends here will strengthen my bond with both God and my husband by reinforcing that God and by extension my husband is in control and it is only through true faith and absolute obedience that I can commune with them and find true happiness.
I love God and i love my husband. I thank God for their guidance and all that they provide. I now that they know what is best and will always guide me in the right path. I pray that God will always give me the strength and understanding to do all they command.
Have a blessed evening.