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Today, I had just finished up at work. I was standing on a street corner, waiting to cross to get to my car on the other side. I had three people pull up beside me and ask me how much I charged. FML
Today, a telemarketer called me and asked if they could speak to my "mommy or daddy". I am 25 years old. FML
Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank.
When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually
meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me.
She said it's a good thing, because it was a "mutual decision", and
that while she wouldn't mind staying together, I was the one who wanted
to split, and she respected my decision. I wish I had been a part of this delusional conversation. FML
Today, I called pizza hut to order a pizza. A voice recording was reading me their specials. The man had a horrible country accent so I began to make fun of it. Then I realized it was an actual person on the line. FML
Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on.
When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and
loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk.
He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be
physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML
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