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WWYD? Found DH's EX on FB

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:14 PM
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So the wonderful friend search option has gotten me into trouble a few times.  First, it helped my dumbass brother find my XH's new wife (which was a blessing in disguise since they are now divorced and her and I worked together on getting evidence against him lol) and he friended her.  Then it helped my XH's sister find me.  We always got along but that just brought hell on me since my ex said I was harrassing his family.

And now...FB has helped me find my DH's ex wife!  Her name popped up in the people you might know section.  Now, of course I am NOT going to friend her but she doesn't have everything private.  She was supposed to change her name back to her maiden name per court order, she hasn't.  She still has his last name and she has a post all about him and I lol.  She is calling me a skanky hoe who wooed her husband away from her and I ruined their marriage blah blah blah.  She is selling herself there as the "one who got away" from him.  Well the truth is that I met DH after he started his divorce and we became friends since we were both going through divorces at the same time.  When we started dating I would drop him off at work and one of her friends saw us and told her.  Next thing I know she is calling all of his friends and family and "investigating" me.  She even went as far as getting my license plate number and finding out where I worked.  This was when I was still on active duty and she worked in the Air Force's investigation office so she had access to some of the things to find this info.  According to DH she was a bi-polar bitch who refused counseling and meds.  I believe him because his parents and frieends have the same story. 

So what do I do?  Should I tell DH that she is violating a court order and bad mouthing us?  Or should I leave it alone since it really isn't doing anything directly to us?

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:20 PM

Does the court order say that neither party can badmouth the other? Do they have kids together?

With regard to the name change, how is that worded in the CO? Usually it says she MAY change it back, not that she has to. This prevents her from having to file a different motion to be allowed to change her name.

bluespagan
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:22 PM

I am not sure if the court order says they can't bad mouth one another.  They have no kids together, thank goodness.

As for the name change that one was mandatory.  It was the one thing that DH insisted on. 

Quoting whatIknownow:

Does the court order say that neither party can badmouth the other? Do they have kids together?

With regard to the name change, how is that worded in the CO? Usually it says she MAY change it back, not that she has to. This prevents her from having to file a different motion to be allowed to change her name.


12345abcde54321
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:23 PM

nothing good can result from getting into it with her. i don't know about you, but i'd do just about anything to avoid drama irl. who cares if she's talking shit.. haters gonna hate  ;)

12345abcde54321
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:24 PM

i'd let her keep the name too, personally.. not sure why she'd want it, but whatever.

SeamusNBaby
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:24 PM

I would stay out of it. It really has nothing to do with you, and I don't see any good coming out of bringing it up to your DH. There is always 3 sides to a divorce....his side, her side, and the truth. If your DH isn't bothered enough by his ex to search her out on FB, then you shouldn't be either.

bluespagan
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:27 PM

That is why I am not going to get into a FB spat with her.  I just noticed that she hasn't changed her name and she is bad mouthing me to people I actually know.  This explains some emails and such that I have been getting though.  I tend to ignore drama but I know how much DH wanted her to completely detach herself from him and knowing she hasn't fully done so will probably piss him off.

She tried controlling so much of his life to the point that when we were dating before the divorce was finalized she actually had the audacity to call him and tell him that he was not allowed to see me.  She said she would turn him into his command for adultery charges (in the AF you basically have to have pic documentation of your spouse dtd to get adultery charges but thats besides the point).  This bitch is really crazy.  And I also wonder if her using his name can affect us later since she is notorious for not paying bills.

Quoting 12345abcde54321:

nothing good can result from getting into it with her. i don't know about you, but i'd do just about anything to avoid drama irl. who cares if she's talking shit.. haters gonna hate  ;)


whatIknownow
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:31 PM


Quoting bluespagan:

And I also wonder if her using his name can affect us later since she is notorious for not paying bills.

Probalby not. It's pretty common for women to keep their married name (usually because they have kids with that name). My DH's ex still has his last name. I'm not thrilled but whatever.

Does the CO give a time frame for when she has to change her name? 

bluespagan
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:34 PM


Quoting whatIknownow:

 

Quoting bluespagan:

And I also wonder if her using his name can affect us later since she is notorious for not paying bills.

Probalby not. It's pretty common for women to keep their married name (usually because they have kids with that name). My DH's ex still has his last name. I'm not thrilled but whatever.

Does the CO give a time frame for when she has to change her name? 

I don't think so.  I just know that if either is found in contempt then that opens the door for all types of things such as payment of attorneys fees and loss of certain rights (for instance he paid alimony so she would have to pay him back if I remember correctly). 

it just rubs me the wrong way because this was the only thing he asked her to do through out the entire divorce.  She put him through the ringer financially and all she had to do was change her last name back to her maiden name and she didn't.

But I think you ladies are right, it isn't my fight.

MNDsM
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:42 PM

Deep breath...and walk away. Or continue to read her facebook and laugh at her dumbfuckery. :D You're a smart woman, you know nothing good will come out of it. Even if you tell your DH, he takes her back to court and wins money etc, it will 1) make you two look vindictive and support her claims, and 2) give her what she wants. She wants you to find this info, especially if she is telling mutual friends. She wants to insert herself into your happy existence, even if it means court and drama etc. To her, this will mean she wins. You win by being happy, ignorning the slag, and living your life with her watching in envy. :)

Quoting bluespagan:


Quoting whatIknownow:


Quoting bluespagan:

And I also wonder if her using his name can affect us later since she is notorious for not paying bills.

Probalby not. It's pretty common for women to keep their married name (usually because they have kids with that name). My DH's ex still has his last name. I'm not thrilled but whatever.

Does the CO give a time frame for when she has to change her name? 

I don't think so.  I just know that if either is found in contempt then that opens the door for all types of things such as payment of attorneys fees and loss of certain rights (for instance he paid alimony so she would have to pay him back if I remember correctly). 

it just rubs me the wrong way because this was the only thing he asked her to do through out the entire divorce.  She put him through the ringer financially and all she had to do was change her last name back to her maiden name and she didn't.

But I think you ladies are right, it isn't my fight.


whatIknownow
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:45 PM

I tend to stalk frenemies on FB out of nosiness. But if I found something, I'd be too embarassed to use it against them, because I really shouldn't have been snooping to begin with.

So OP, I think the consequences of letting her badmouth you are not as bad as the consequences of being outted as a stalker.

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