Another night watching him snore passed out drunk on the couch. Another night reading posts about my friends happy relationships. Wishing I had that. Romance.....Passion.....That simple joy in feeling the others presence. i used to have that. Now I spend my evenings either dreaming about a man I shouldn't or crying thru the memories of what So and I used to have. He says he never wants to get married yet has the nerve to call me his wife...That pisses me off so much..I tell him every time " there's no ring on this finger." I alternately long for the day I'm able to leave and long for him to put down the bottle and be the man I fell in love with again. I'm sick of lying there every nite caught betweeen strange dreams and bleary reality. If it weren't for the kids, I'd be gone already. Takes a little more planning with the kiddos tho.
Well, as the song goes - If your going through hell, keep on movin. You might get out before the devil even knows you're there......
Thank you for kind words ladies..I needed it. To answer some quesions, yes, I am working on stashing away money in a side account I have for my sons SSI. I've put my name on the waiting list for housing assistance. I am actively working on an exit plan. I've told him this. I've told him how I feel about the drinking. He chooses to live in fantasy world and pretend everything is just fantastic. Thinks I quit 'nagging' him about the drinking cuz I've "realized and accepted that it's no big deal." I quit 'nagging' cuz I got tired of wasting my breath and figure I'm stuck here till I get things in place so I'd rather live in peace. It all just sucks. Knowing that the only way it'll ever change is to walk away from 8 years of giving all I had to give and just starting over. Knowing that I'm gonna have to turn my kids world upside down and move them away from their Dad, whom they adore, to make their world better.
It's hard watching someone you care about do that to themselves, but it's really not good for the kids. I hope you're planning your way out and saving money to get yourself and your kids in a better position. Really, they'll be better off without that influence...always being way last on the priority list. Hugs, mama.
Have you talked about the drinking? Does he know it's a problem? If he knew do you think he would try to fix it? You can't get married like this, it's not fair - you won't be happy.
I left and it changed our entire relationship for the better. Once he realized I wasn't going to be content with just bringing in money and raising his kid and cooking his meals, but that I was willing to fight for something better for myself and my daughter, he changed; he started being the man I knew he could be instead of the man I'd allowed him to become.
Then again, alcohol wasn't a factor. As the shameful daughter of a long and illustrious line of drunks, I know how that can really take everything that is wonderful about a man and completely conceal it. To this day, my father is, deep down, one of the cleverest, wittiest, kindest and most generous men I know, but he drinks. A lot. And as soon as he starts drinking he turns fucking ugly. And if my mom asks him not to drink, he turns ugly on her. And if she sucks it up and kisses his ass and pussyfoots around him all day so he has NO EXCUSE to get mad and go drink, he will make one up, start breaking things and yelling, and leave the house to drink. For absolutely no reason outside his addiction.
I know it's fucking hard, but I wish you'd start thinking of a plan and taking baby steps. Squirrel away money. Think about places you could go, look at dream apartments for you and the kid, think about how much mental energy you'd have if you didn't have to waste so much worried about where he is, or what he will do when he's drunk, or everything that he doesn't do for you every day of your shared lives. The only way your relationship will ever get better is if HE DECIDES to change and HE DECIDES to fight his addiction. There is nothing you can do in that regard, though forcing him to lose his family might be a small shove in the right direction.
Good luck.
I'm so adjective, I verb nouns.
I agree with this. My parents are alcoholics and I refuse to raise my daughter in the same environment. He didn't take me seriously until I walked out.
*hugs* I'm sorry you're going through this.
Quoting laineysmum:I left and it changed our entire relationship for the better. Once he realized I wasn't going to be content with just bringing in money and raising his kid and cooking his meals, but that I was willing to fight for something better for myself and my daughter, he changed; he started being the man I knew he could be instead of the man I'd allowed him to become.
Then again, alcohol wasn't a factor. As the shameful daughter of a long and illustrious line of drunks, I know how that can really take everything that is wonderful about a man and completely conceal it. To this day, my father is, deep down, one of the cleverest, wittiest, kindest and most generous men I know, but he drinks. A lot. And as soon as he starts drinking he turns fucking ugly. And if my mom asks him not to drink, he turns ugly on her. And if she sucks it up and kisses his ass and pussyfoots around him all day so he has NO EXCUSE to get mad and go drink, he will make one up, start breaking things and yelling, and leave the house to drink. For absolutely no reason outside his addiction.
I know it's fucking hard, but I wish you'd start thinking of a plan and taking baby steps. Squirrel away money. Think about places you could go, look at dream apartments for you and the kid, think about how much mental energy you'd have if you didn't have to waste so much worried about where he is, or what he will do when he's drunk, or everything that he doesn't do for you every day of your shared lives. The only way your relationship will ever get better is if HE DECIDES to change and HE DECIDES to fight his addiction. There is nothing you can do in that regard, though forcing him to lose his family might be a small shove in the right direction.
Good luck.
Your friends are lying to you, don't be a victim of facebook depression, nobodies lives are sunshine and roses all the time. And those posts are very difficult and damaging to read when you're having a rough time. I agree with Lainey. And I'm really sorry you're going through such a hard time, but I'm proud of you for having the right mindset to keep on moving to find peace and what will make you happy, I wish you luck. And sorry I 'liked' this post by accident, I don't like it, I don't like it all :( Sorry.
Quoting tecsabates:Another night reading posts about my friends happy relationships. Wishing I had that.
Oh, I know that noones relationship is perfect. It's little crap, like when a friend posts about going to dinner or bowling or whatever. We never do anything together. When I'm around my friends I see them and their So/Dh , and the way they interact. They talk, have conversations. We used to do that.... They way they look at each other. He used to look at me that way.... It's just all the little stuff. A few of my friends won't even talk about their so/dh around me cuz they know it gets to me. And that sux too. I don't want people to feel they gotta walk on egshells around me. Ya, I might break. But I've been broken before andI'l pick and rebuild again like I did then. I hate it, every minute of it. But you can't go back to the past and the present won't be here forever. Only way you can go is forward.
Quoting juicebox.:
Your friends are lying to you, don't be a victim of facebook depression, nobodies lives are sunshine and roses all the time. And those posts are very difficult and damaging to read when you're having a rough time. I agree with Lainey. And I'm really sorry you're going through such a hard time, but I'm proud of you for having the right mindset to keep on moving to find peace and what will make you happy, I wish you luck. And sorry I 'liked' this post by accident, I don't like it, I don't like it all :( Sorry.
Quoting tecsabates:
Another night reading posts about my friends happy relationships. Wishing I had that.
If you saw my facebook posts, you would probably think my life is perfect - but if you saw my posts that I post in my private group with my friends -that is a whole other story...I am not going to post my SO is driving me effing nuts because he is slower than a snail when I have his sister and aunts as friends HA HA HA. It sucks though to see it because I wonder the same when I see those posts. I am sorry he is choosing the bottle over you and your sons. I almost left my SO 4 years ago because of his drinking - I threatened it a lot but one night when he did not come home and he was 3 hours late at 3am, I walked to the bar in my PJs and flat out told him he can pack his shit and move back to CO....I think the fact that I tracked him down and did that in front of others, finally made him realize that he would lose me.
I am sorry you are going through this and I can only hope you quickly find a life you can be happy in
Hey LURKERS, come out and play.
- tecsabates
on Jun. 14, 2012 at 11:56 PM