Ask the Expert: Building Confidence & Self-Esteem in Girls

[Cafe Kate]

Does your daughter have body image issues? Do you worry that her lack of confidence could lead her to poor performance in school or being bullied? Do you need ideas to get the conversation about self-esteem started?

CafeMom is excited to welcome Jess Weiner to the Strong Women. Strong Girls Group. 

Jess serves as Dove's Global Ambassador for Self-Esteem. She has spent more than 17 years at the center of women’s and girls' social issues and authored two best-selling books, A Very Hungry Girl and Life Doesn’t Begin 5 Pounds From Now. She is currently working on her third book—helping mothers and daughters create ultimate and lasting confidence in their lives.

Post your questions about how to build girls' confidence and self-esteem until the end of June. We'll post Jess' replies in July.

Click to read Jess's answers >>

[fraujones]

How do I encourage my daughter to speak for herself instead of whispering replies in my ear when she is around new people, especially adults?

[coreilly89]

I've noticed that deterring from the body image itself is a good start. Don't ignore it, but build her up on her good points. Say she likes to draw. Buy her some supplies and praise her art. 

Quoting MissyB1011:

My daughter just turned 9. She is a still a little overweight despite having a growth spurt. How do I keep her positive about her body image and not be so self-conscious?

[countrygirlkat]

If a daughter is getting a little overweight during her early teen or teenage years how do you help encourage her to eat healthy and exercise more without hurting her self-esteem and body image?

[momslittleluvs]

My oldest daughter is turning 9 in a few months and I think she has the most beautiful red/orange hair! But of course her hair color not being so common gets the bully's at school going... I just found out that there is an older girl on her bus that is calling her a redheaded chipmunk and it is killing my girl... and thats the only one that she has told me about... I would like to talk to this older girls parents but thats not going to stop everyone. I have always told her (and my other 2 daughters) they are bueatiful at least once a day, as for my red head, i told her since her hair color is rare that she is a gem... but what else can i do for her? This bullying stuff is getting her down...

[wahmobx]

My DD is 10 and in the 4th grade. Her teacher (who is a 62yr old male) called my husband to tell him that he thinks she would do better in school if she quit worrying about her wardrobe & hair, basically her overall appearance. He advised my husband to just put her in a pair of jeans & t shirt and send her to school. I REALLY take offense to this!! I feel like he is saying to just kill her self esteem & she'll do better in math. NOT!

I feel like he is penalizing her for being pretty & caring about the way she looks. I agree that it shouldn't be the #1 thing on her mind but she's 10 for heavens sake, these are the things that most 10yr olds start worrying about. I know I did. How do I get her to care a little less about her appearance and a little more about her school work w/out killing her self esteem?

[jessicasmom1]

always do the best you can 

[superstar553]

hi jess . i have a7 years doughter she is always wants me to do most of her thing with her teacher or ask her teacher what ever my kid wants she doesn't have self-esteem to ask her she has problems keeping her friends bcs they look at her that she is weak kid they keep bossing her alot . i always stress for her i want her to be strong i always there for her i'm most of the time around her do the things for her i do'nt know if im the problem or her i love here sooooo much but i want her to be strong and having self-esteem all her life .plse help me so i can help her to build astrong life style .thank you sooo much

[Emberbaby]

Hi Jess,
What do you think is the most common mistake parents make when trying to build self-esteem in their daughters?

[kmferrie]

I believe the best way to boost self-esteem in girls is to make sure they DO stuff to feel good about. Such as volunteering at church or in the community. Believe it or not, doing chores or even helping Mom or Dad on a big project boosts self-esteem. After completing tasks, she looks back and feels good (or even great) that she contributed to something bigger than herself!!

[slw123]

I worry about the middle school years so much.  My daughter is 9 and I already see how mean the girls are starting to be.  I just don't want her to become mean or become a victim of the mean girls.  Short of homeschooling her, how can I keep her sweet and nice?