1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.
2. Let her put on your makeup, even
if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her
experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.
3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.
4. Be present. Be
there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her
soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the
crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it
to her as often as possible.
5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and play dress-up. If
she would rather wear her brother’s superman cape with high heals,
allow it. If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery
store, why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in
6. Teach her to be independent.
Show her by example that woman can be strong. Find and follow your own
passions. Search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself-
not just your husband or children. Define yourself by your own
attributes, not by what others expect you to be. Know who you are as a
person, and help your daughter find out who she is.
7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair. There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.
8. Let her get messy. Get
messy with her, no matter how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash
in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the walls:
just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy
9. Give her good role models- you
being one of them. Introduce her to successful woman- friends,
co-workers, doctors, astronauts, or authors. Read to her about
influential woman- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational woman- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know that anything is possible.
10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.
11. Hold her hand. Whether
she is 3 years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall,
hold on to her always- this will teach her to be confident in herself
and proud of her family.
12. Believe in her. It
is the moments that she does not believe in herself that she will need
you to believe enough for both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in
the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day
of college…remind her of the independent and capable woman you have
taught her to be.
13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether
it is her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game
where she is grass-stained and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs
your reminders. She needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is
14. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man, like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all wonderful.
15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help
her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe
in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5 dorm-room her home
with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy
and believe him to be Prince Charming.
16. Read to her. Read
her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia
Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page and let
her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply
spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.
17. Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses. Love
her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings
passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint.
Let her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush,
giggle and scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate.
So, choose love for both you and her.
18. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance
and sing with her- even if it sounds or looks horrible. Let her wiggle
to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's feet and spin in your
arms. Then later, let her blast noise and headbang in her bedroom with
her door shut if she wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room
if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics- like The Beatles-
and listen to her latest favorite- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of
music together, it will bring you closer- or at least create a
soundtrack to your life together.
19. Share secrets together. Communicate.
Talk. Talk about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends,
school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not
only your daughter, you are not only her mother. Be her friend too.
20. Teach her manners. Because
sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a
happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.
21. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether
she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses, or a boyfriend
who tells her she is too fat- let her know she does not have to listen. Make
sure she knows how to demand respect- she is worthy of it. It does not
mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you
say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth
fighting. Remind her that some
people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal
reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk-away.
Teach her to be the
bigger -the better- person.
22. Let her choose who she loves. Even
when you see through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love
him without your disapproving words: she will anyway. When he breaks her
heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I
told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds the one.
And when she finds the one, tell her.
23. Mother her. Being a mother—to her—is
undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with her the
joys of motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too. Remind
her over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love
her like you love her. No one can replace or replicate a mother’s love
for their children.
24. Comfort her. Because
sometimes you just need your mommy. When she is sick, rub her back,
make her soup and cover her in blankets- no matter how old she is.
Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her hair out of
her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful she is. These are
the moments she will remember you for. And someday when her husband rubs
her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper, "I need my
25. Be home. When
she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she will come to you: welcome
her. When she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to you to share her
news: embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she will search for
you: find her. When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends or an
outfit: tell her. She is your daughter and will always need a safe
harbor- where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar
smile: be home.
on Sep. 3, 2012 at 11:53 AM