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Just read Daughter's text. Are boys always this forward ?

Posted by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 1:36 PM
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OK moms. I'm 50 yrs old. So maybe I'm just "out of it". 

 I just read my 13 year old daughters text from a 15 yr old boy she just met in person at a football game last weekend. I was at the game too and knew that she had a crush on him but they had not met until then. (They had been "friends" on fb.) In this recent text, he was asking her to make out with him next time he saw her, asking about her experience, asking if she would go all the way with him. Asking her to send a picture of herself and promising to not show anyone. Her responses were yes to the making out idea, but no to the picture. (Thank gosh on the photo decision!)

Naturally, I will be vigilant about this situation. She is waaaay too young in my book to be involved with someone with these intentions.

So here's my question, is this normal talk for young boys these days? I am going to talk to her about what I read, but I want to be equipped here. Is this normal conversation between the sexes these days? Or are there still plenty of boys out there who would not speak to a girl he was hoping to date this way?  I'm sad. This is so aggressive and insulting.

Thanks!

by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 1:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TheBabyFactory4
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 1:42 PM
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OK so.I don't have any experience with my own teens yet but I'm only 29 and I remember being a young teen and having crushes on older teens. While its scary and I would hate to see it happening with my own.daughters I had very similar phone conversations. (Texting didn't exist) I kissed and even went all.the way at a too early age. So yes its normal. Teens have raging hormones and don't have the ability to think rationally. As a mom, and I'm pretty sure you pay her phone bill you have a right to read her texts and see what she is doing online. Let her know that and let her know that you will not allow conversations like that. Because they will escalate
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MaddieLainesMom
by Member on Sep. 4, 2012 at 2:55 PM
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It's definitely not NORMAL, but I've seen it, yes. My younger brother just came out of teenagehood and while he wasn't one of "these boys" some of his friends were. Being the older sister I would gte rude remarks in person and over text and IM asking inappropriate things. I think you should arm your daughter with all of the knowledge you can and remind her than NO ONE should talk to he that way when she is 13. Especially an older guy she just met. It's appaling, but I wouldn't lose hope on all potential guys.

ljanlin
by New Member on Sep. 4, 2012 at 4:45 PM

Thank you so much for replying, and so soon at that! I literally teared up when I read your response because it was so straight forward and down to earth! I needed that!

 You're right, I do pay for the phone and it is my right to check. Usually, I believe, she erases most texts once she caught on that I was checking. I don't blame her really. Who wants there mom "listening in" on conversations. I get it. But this is exactly why I do it!!

 So now, my decision is whether to just take the phone for awhile, letting her know that it is for her protection since she is obviously getting into conversations that are unhealthy. Or....letting her know I read it and discussing the unhealthiness while letting her keep her phone. (In which case she can just go back to erasing all her texts.) 

OR, there is this detective part of me that feels that going "stealth" is the only real way of protecting her. Now that I know this about the boy for instance, I will keep her far away. Where as 2 days ago, I thought he was just adorable and would have let her go to the next football game coming up.(their planned meeting spot). Ofcourse that would mean not admitting what I read and any attempt at a good conversation might not happen.

So I'll probably stick to the taking the phone plan.  Feel free to weigh in if you have the time. I appreciate it and thanks.

KaylaMillar
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:09 AM
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I would explain to her that if a boy is only interested in one thing
He doesn't really care about her.
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.Angelica.
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 12:02 PM

my kids are still very young but i've never had a guy talk to me like that. :/

Rushn311
by Cindy on Sep. 10, 2012 at 2:57 PM
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ugh, just thinking of a boy sending that to my daughter makes me want to A) throw up B)kick his a$$! LMAO! I would not like it if I saw that. That just comes off as the guy being too forward and he's 2 years older.

ljanlin
by New Member on Sep. 11, 2012 at 2:43 PM
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girl giving flowerThanks everyone sooo much. This is what I did. I thought and thought about what I would want to hear from my mom at this age. What she could say that would not just shut me down and make me feel mad and invaded. I thought about how when I was her age, that my friend and I did sneak off with older boys to "make out" once. So,  I told her that I had found her phone and read the text between she and the boy. I did as some of you said and told her that I did not see one time in that whole texting conversation where he asked anything about her other than sex related. So obviously he didnt care about her as a person. We talked about meaningful relationships and what that means. I told her what I had done when I was her age and that it could have ended very badly and that I wasn't proud of it.(I told my story so that she knew that I truly did understand.) We talked about ways that she could steer converstaions like this away from sex talk and more about discussions that would make her feel respected. I said that she could always say that her parents check her phone and that she can't talk about those things. I told her she can always use her parents as her excuse to get out of any situation, whether we really know about the situation or not.  It seemed good.  I hope it helped. I think she was relieved and it gave her a way out. The main thing I want to say here, is that I'm so glad I waited to confront her because my initial reaction was anger!! That kind of conversation would not have gone well. Writing here and getting responses from each of you helped me  and gave me time to settle down and think while getting advice and reactions from other moms. THANK YOU JUST ISN'T ENOUGH!  P.S. I'm still keeping a close eye out. I'm under no illusion that one talk changes everything. I'll keep at it!!

SlightlyPerfect
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Ugliness and worthlessness, when combined, will only produce failure.
Today at 10:16 AM
by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 6:34 PM
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I wonder what she sees in him. Like, what about him is attractive? Because a lot of times people just go for who is attracted to them (in any way) rather than thinking about who they are attracted to (and why).

slightlyperfect

ljanlin
by New Member on Sep. 12, 2012 at 12:34 PM

 

Such a good question to pose to our children. I have actually asked that of both of my middle school aged girls because you are right!! They seem to like someone back just because they are liked! In middle school it seems so important to "have a boyfiiend" just for the label. They have both said things to me like, "why does so and so always have a boyfriend but not me?" "She's not prettier than me, why does she have a boyfriend?" That kind of thing. I just try to assure them that they are beautiful (which they are) and that it's more important to wait until someone really likes them for how awsome they are. That it will happen. Oh the pains of growing up.

SlightlyPerfect
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Ugliness and worthlessness, when combined, will only produce failure.
Today at 10:16 AM
by on Sep. 12, 2012 at 2:07 PM
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Definitely turn the tables on her and ask her what she finds attractive (and really emphasize brains and character over looks), because I bet she's never thought about it before  Like I said in another thread, people, especially teens, rarely recognize their creative autonomy. Most teens are just passive observers in their own lives, and we as moms have to teach them how to become active participants.

Quoting ljanlin:

Such a good question to pose to our children. I have actually asked that of both of my middle school aged girls because you are right!! They seem to like someone back just because they are liked! In middle school it seems so important to "have a boyfiiend" just for the label. They have both said things to me like, "why does so and so always have a boyfriend but not me?" "She's not prettier than me, why does she have a boyfriend?" That kind of thing. I just try to assure them that they are beautiful (which they are) and that it's more important to wait until someone really likes them for how awsome they are. That it will happen. Oh the pains of growing up.


slightlyperfect

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