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Just read Daughter's text. Are boys always this forward ?

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OK moms. I'm 50 yrs old. So maybe I'm just "out of it". 

 I just read my 13 year old daughters text from a 15 yr old boy she just met in person at a football game last weekend. I was at the game too and knew that she had a crush on him but they had not met until then. (They had been "friends" on fb.) In this recent text, he was asking her to make out with him next time he saw her, asking about her experience, asking if she would go all the way with him. Asking her to send a picture of herself and promising to not show anyone. Her responses were yes to the making out idea, but no to the picture. (Thank gosh on the photo decision!)

Naturally, I will be vigilant about this situation. She is waaaay too young in my book to be involved with someone with these intentions.

So here's my question, is this normal talk for young boys these days? I am going to talk to her about what I read, but I want to be equipped here. Is this normal conversation between the sexes these days? Or are there still plenty of boys out there who would not speak to a girl he was hoping to date this way?  I'm sad. This is so aggressive and insulting.

Thanks!

by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 1:36 PM
Replies (31-39):
Madelaine
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:21 AM

Well, not always but yes a lot of the time.

countrygirlkat
by Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 12:50 PM

My kids are still very young but if I had a 13 year old daughter I would definitely be talking to her about this.  I would tell her way to go on not sending a picture but then I would talk to her about how this sort of conversation he was having was inappropriate and how making out at 13 was also inappropriate, especially with a guy she just met and isn't dating. 

elasmimi
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 2:16 PM

I think you handled it perfectly. I will try to remember this if I ever have to face this kind of situation!

Quoting ljanlin:

girl giving flowerThanks everyone sooo much. This is what I did. I thought and thought about what I would want to hear from my mom at this age. What she could say that would not just shut me down and make me feel mad and invaded. I thought about how when I was her age, that my friend and I did sneak off with older boys to "make out" once. So,  I told her that I had found her phone and read the text between she and the boy. I did as some of you said and told her that I did not see one time in that whole texting conversation where he asked anything about her other than sex related. So obviously he didnt care about her as a person. We talked about meaningful relationships and what that means. I told her what I had done when I was her age and that it could have ended very badly and that I wasn't proud of it.(I told my story so that she knew that I truly did understand.) We talked about ways that she could steer converstaions like this away from sex talk and more about discussions that would make her feel respected. I said that she could always say that her parents check her phone and that she can't talk about those things. I told her she can always use her parents as her excuse to get out of any situation, whether we really know about the situation or not.  It seemed good.  I hope it helped. I think she was relieved and it gave her a way out. The main thing I want to say here, is that I'm so glad I waited to confront her because my initial reaction was anger!! That kind of conversation would not have gone well. Writing here and getting responses from each of you helped me  and gave me time to settle down and think while getting advice and reactions from other moms. THANK YOU JUST ISN'T ENOUGH!  P.S. I'm still keeping a close eye out. I'm under no illusion that one talk changes everything. I'll keep at it!!


4kidz916
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 6:26 PM

I agree. 

Quoting elasmimi:

I think you handled it perfectly. I will try to remember this if I ever have to face this kind of situation!

Quoting ljanlin:

girl giving flowerThanks everyone sooo much. This is what I did. I thought and thought about what I would want to hear from my mom at this age. What she could say that would not just shut me down and make me feel mad and invaded. I thought about how when I was her age, that my friend and I did sneak off with older boys to "make out" once. So,  I told her that I had found her phone and read the text between she and the boy. I did as some of you said and told her that I did not see one time in that whole texting conversation where he asked anything about her other than sex related. So obviously he didnt care about her as a person. We talked about meaningful relationships and what that means. I told her what I had done when I was her age and that it could have ended very badly and that I wasn't proud of it.(I told my story so that she knew that I truly did understand.) We talked about ways that she could steer converstaions like this away from sex talk and more about discussions that would make her feel respected. I said that she could always say that her parents check her phone and that she can't talk about those things. I told her she can always use her parents as her excuse to get out of any situation, whether we really know about the situation or not.  It seemed good.  I hope it helped. I think she was relieved and it gave her a way out. The main thing I want to say here, is that I'm so glad I waited to confront her because my initial reaction was anger!! That kind of conversation would not have gone well. Writing here and getting responses from each of you helped me  and gave me time to settle down and think while getting advice and reactions from other moms. THANK YOU JUST ISN'T ENOUGH!  P.S. I'm still keeping a close eye out. I'm under no illusion that one talk changes everything. I'll keep at it!!



BabyTeki
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 7:44 PM
Sadly o think it is. When I was a junior/senior in high school our conversations were over AIM, but I remember one guy I worked with flat out asked me to be f**k buddies the first time we ever chatted.
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SweetLuci
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:27 PM

 Ditto

Quoting 4kidz916:

I agree. 

Quoting elasmimi:

I think you handled it perfectly. I will try to remember this if I ever have to face this kind of situation!

Quoting ljanlin:

girl giving flowerThanks everyone sooo much. This is what I did. I thought and thought about what I would want to hear from my mom at this age. What she could say that would not just shut me down and make me feel mad and invaded. I thought about how when I was her age, that my friend and I did sneak off with older boys to "make out" once. So,  I told her that I had found her phone and read the text between she and the boy. I did as some of you said and told her that I did not see one time in that whole texting conversation where he asked anything about her other than sex related. So obviously he didnt care about her as a person. We talked about meaningful relationships and what that means. I told her what I had done when I was her age and that it could have ended very badly and that I wasn't proud of it.(I told my story so that she knew that I truly did understand.) We talked about ways that she could steer converstaions like this away from sex talk and more about discussions that would make her feel respected. I said that she could always say that her parents check her phone and that she can't talk about those things. I told her she can always use her parents as her excuse to get out of any situation, whether we really know about the situation or not.  It seemed good.  I hope it helped. I think she was relieved and it gave her a way out. The main thing I want to say here, is that I'm so glad I waited to confront her because my initial reaction was anger!! That kind of conversation would not have gone well. Writing here and getting responses from each of you helped me  and gave me time to settle down and think while getting advice and reactions from other moms. THANK YOU JUST ISN'T ENOUGH!  P.S. I'm still keeping a close eye out. I'm under no illusion that one talk changes everything. I'll keep at it!!



 

slw123
by Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:43 PM

 Wow, I hope she loses interest in him fast.  I don't think that all boys are that way, but the kids of this generation are exposed to a lot more than when we were growing up.....so that seems normal now......even though it's completely not ok.  I would think that most boys would not be so forward, but at least you know what his intentions are with your daughter and can steer her away.

 

Kmakksmom
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:32 PM

Some are, some aren't.  It depends on the boy.

chasingrandbaby
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:56 PM

you can NEVER ask too many questions Or  talk to your kids TOO MUCH!

My youngest is 18 and nothing surprises me anymore, this generation has grown up with this type of media and thats all they know, I certainly didnt, be ready to talk to your kids about everything and anything! I always felt like I had to cover every potential senerio so they would know what to expect, parenting is really hard now! You would rather that they hear it from you than the boy trying to get a pic of her! Best wishes

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