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Your girls and peer pressure?

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 3:19 PM
  • 11 Replies

How do you teach your girls how to make a stand against peer pressure?

My daughter is in 2nd grade and deals with peer pressure a lot- sometimes she does well with it and other times she really struggles- when it comes to your daughters and peer pressure what methods do you teach them to use in handling it?

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 3:19 PM
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SlightlyPerfect
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Some people are nothing more than examples of what _not_ to be; they're breathing testimonies of what mediocrity and worthlessness can produce.
Yesterday at 7:37 PM
by Bronze Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 3:32 PM

My DD is only 3, so I really don't know, but I hope I would have taught her to shut people down or dismiss them if they're not worthy of her attention by 2nd grade.

My friend's sister's little girl is in 5th grade and getting bullied. It's getting bad. That was my advice to her, but I almost feel you have to be raised that way (taught the skill of dismissing people) to really have it ingrained in you. Or it's something natural that you have.10 is just too advanced an age to begin to learn the art of dismissal and to construct the set of criteria by which one dismisses peers.

I think once kids reach a certain age, the time in their development at which point they take things personally, they end up spending at least a decade dealing with taking things personally (which they never should do in the first place)--simply because they've canalized the habit--and then another decade or so undoing the damage that causes. I would just rather prevent that if I can.

Furthermore, the nature of the child and the experience of the parent will affect the method a parent implements. Some kids come into their own early. Others don't. But the majority of our kids learn strategies and responses from us as moms, from modeling us. We're the key.

slightlyperfect

TurboMom81
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 4:02 PM
1 mom liked this
My daughter goes her own way! Just today she got an award from her teacher for being the only one who remained quiet during centers when everyone else was acting up!

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Mrs.Andrews
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:09 PM

We haven't really had to talk about it because she's only 3. But it is something we deal with a lot. I'm constantly having to tell her to obey when all her friends are disobeying and doing the same thing I just told her not to do.

SweetLuci
by Bronze Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:12 PM

 Talk about it with her. It's also important that your child know that he or she is responsible for following your family rules. If your child breaks the rules, she needs to know that consequences will follow.Take the time to role play situations your tween will likely face in middle school, such as being encouraged to smoke, drink, or bully another child. By role playing you'll gain information on how other preteens try to manipulate your child through peer pressure. You can also give your child ideas on how to say no or get out of uncomfortable situations.

Make sure your tween understands that she can always blame you if her friends put pressure on her to do something she doesn't want to do, or that she knows is wrong. If her friends are encouraging her to smoke, she can say, "My parents would kill me if they found out and they're so nosy they always find things out!" Or, she could say, "If my parents find out, I know they'll call your parents and then you'll be in trouble, too." If your child finds herself in a situation that's uncomfortable  and she wants to leave,she can say, "I'm supposed to help my parents with a project this afternoon, so I better go."

SlightlyPerfect
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Some people are nothing more than examples of what _not_ to be; they're breathing testimonies of what mediocrity and worthlessness can produce.
Yesterday at 7:37 PM
by Bronze Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 10:35 PM

Yes to everything, especially the reinforcement and acting it out. Acting it out creates a great frame of reference for a child, so when the actual situation arises, she can fall back on the acting and remember what she did. This is why, when DD (who is 3) makes a mistake or does something intentionally wrong, I'll make her "do it right" and "show me again" to try to prevent it from happening in the future. (She's more likely to remember doing it right.) It's the same principle that, like, fire drills are based on. You gotta have something in the past to grab onto and use when dealing with things like this in the present.

Quoting SweetLuci:

 Talk about it with her. It's also important that your child know that he or she is responsible for following your family rules. If your child breaks the rules, she needs to know that consequences will follow.Take the time to role play situations your tween will likely face in middle school, such as being encouraged to smoke, drink, or bully another child. By role playing you'll gain information on how other preteens try to manipulate your child through peer pressure. You can also give your child ideas on how to say no or get out of uncomfortable situations.

Make sure your tween understands that she can always blame you if her friends put pressure on her to do something she doesn't want to do, or that she knows is wrong. If her friends are encouraging her to smoke, she can say, "My parents would kill me if they found out and they're so nosy they always find things out!" Or, she could say, "If my parents find out, I know they'll call your parents and then you'll be in trouble, too." If your child finds herself in a situation that's uncomfortable  and she wants to leave,she can say, "I'm supposed to help my parents with a project this afternoon, so I better go."


slightlyperfect

JoJoBean8
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 3:52 PM

My dd is still to young to care what others think about her

SlightlyPerfect
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Some people are nothing more than examples of what _not_ to be; they're breathing testimonies of what mediocrity and worthlessness can produce.
Yesterday at 7:37 PM
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:28 PM

What do you think triggers that, though? If we can assume kids, in their natural state, don't give a shit about what other people think about them, what changes that? And is this a natural thing, something that's just inevitable? Or is it learned?

When I was younger, I was quick to assume it was sexuality. You start to notice what other people think (to the point it affects your behavior) around the time you start to develop sexually. But as I look back and through this group and through research, socially it seems to happen when the cohesion of a group breaks down and an individual is left alone or faced without or (worse?) against the group. This can be family. This can be friends. This can be academic. This can be... anything. Once that cohesion is gone--once our self-interest is violated--it's so important to get it back, nothing else matters.

Quoting JoJoBean8:

My dd is still to young to care what others think about her


slightlyperfect

JoJoBean8
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:25 PM

I think it starts when you get to an age where you understand exclusion. For me that was around 12.

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

What do you think triggers that, though? If we can assume kids, in their natural state, don't give a shit about what other people think about them, what changes that? And is this a natural thing, something that's just inevitable? Or is it learned?

When I was younger, I was quick to assume it was sexuality. You start to notice what other people think (to the point it affects your behavior) around the time you start to develop sexually. But as I look back and through this group and through research, socially it seems to happen when the cohesion of a group breaks down and an individual is left alone or faced without or (worse?) against the group. This can be family. This can be friends. This can be academic. This can be... anything. Once that cohesion is gone--once our self-interest is violated--it's so important to get it back, nothing else matters.

Quoting JoJoBean8:

My dd is still to young to care what others think about her



copperswifey
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:39 PM

I will try to teach them to be leaders and stand on their own instead of following what everyone else does. I know when I was growing up nobody could talk me into doing something if I didn't want to do it. I just pray they can be that strong too. :)

SlightlyPerfect
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Some people are nothing more than examples of what _not_ to be; they're breathing testimonies of what mediocrity and worthlessness can produce.
Yesterday at 7:37 PM
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:54 PM

Did that coincide at all with your sexual development? Because, looking back, I can remember kids compartmentalizing and judging on physical characteristics as early as preschool, especially kids (I learned about later) who were from divorced homes. Like, they learned about "exclusion" far earlier than others.

Quoting JoJoBean8:

I think it starts when you get to an age where you understand exclusion. For me that was around 12.

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

What do you think triggers that, though? If we can assume kids, in their natural state, don't give a shit about what other people think about them, what changes that? And is this a natural thing, something that's just inevitable? Or is it learned?

When I was younger, I was quick to assume it was sexuality. You start to notice what other people think (to the point it affects your behavior) around the time you start to develop sexually. But as I look back and through this group and through research, socially it seems to happen when the cohesion of a group breaks down and an individual is left alone or faced without or (worse?) against the group. This can be family. This can be friends. This can be academic. This can be... anything. Once that cohesion is gone--once our self-interest is violated--it's so important to get it back, nothing else matters.

Quoting JoJoBean8:

My dd is still to young to care what others think about her




slightlyperfect

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