Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Self-Esteem: Say This, Not That

SlightlyPerfect
Report
Today at 9:28 AM
Posted by on Oct. 22, 2012 at 4:37 PM
  • 13 Replies

When it comes to self-esteem, what are some things your daughter says that you feel you need to correct? And what do you replace these sayings with?

I don't know if I'm wording this well, but like, I've noticed my DD, who is only 3, will say something like "I can't do it!" and I immediately say, "Yes, you can. You may be having trouble, but you can do it. I know you can. So let's try again. This time say, 'I'm having trouble.'"

So "I can't" becomes "(I know I can but) I'm having trouble."

I also use gender-neutral language, like firefighters and police officers instead of firemen and police men.

What do you do? I'd like this thread to be a running list of examples for us to use with our daughters.

slightlyperfect

by on Oct. 22, 2012 at 4:37 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
captainjack
by Member on Oct. 23, 2012 at 8:58 AM

I Can't is not allowed to be said in my home.

SlightlyPerfect
Report
Today at 9:28 AM
by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2012 at 12:45 PM

What do you have your children say instead?

My DD is only 3, so I am working on constructing her vocabulary.

Quoting captainjack:

I Can't is not allowed to be said in my home.


slightlyperfect

KaylaMillar
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 12:27 PM

I never let my dd down herself on the way she looks. If ds downs her he gets in major trouble. 

KymberleeAnn
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 7:18 AM
Bump for later
SlightlyPerfect
Report
Today at 9:28 AM
by Bronze Member on Oct. 28, 2012 at 6:29 PM

Why does she do that? What do you do if her opinion is supported by fact? (My DD is only 3. I'm trying to learn.) :)

Quoting KaylaMillar:

I never let my dd down herself on the way she looks. If ds downs her he gets in major trouble. 


slightlyperfect

lemonade1
by on Oct. 29, 2012 at 7:57 AM

I have always tried to nurture my son's as I was a child with no confidence.  If I'm met with 'I really can't' I plant a little seed then leave it with them.  The first time my water phobic son took his arm bands and rubber ring off and tried to actually swim I could have cried.  It took a whole 6 months but he did it and once he did it that was it, his confidence in the water soared and he was swimming properly and joined swimming club.  I was so proud. 

iamfreeatlast
by Member on Oct. 29, 2012 at 9:08 AM

I wouldn't allow my kids to say Can't in my house.  They had to say anything else but that.  I need help or having problems but they are not allowed to say it. 

Reannen8607
by on Nov. 4, 2012 at 8:57 PM
We're having the same problem in my house. The kids are really stuck on I can't and it drives dh and I nuts
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
SlightlyPerfect
Report
Today at 9:28 AM
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:08 AM

I just had a slight epiphany today.

Instead of saying, "You're getting too big for these jeans," I should say, "These jeans are getting too small." Put the change on the object, not the child.

slightlyperfect

officiallyapeac
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 6:28 AM

Ask her how do she knows if she can't do it? Or why can't you do it? Explore what ever fears she might have in doing something that appears to be new to her? Then come up with a plan and work together on what ever it is that she was struggling with.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)