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Adult children & death of a parent (piog)

Posted by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:23 PM
  • 6 Replies

My mom is currently having a lot of health issues.  I'm praying that everything is going to be ok, but I find myself worrying about what would happen if something happened to her.  I'm hoping someone here may be able to give advice.  I'm an only child...so I'm responsible for everything....and worry about all of it!  She has 1 sister & 5 living brothers...but, they all live far away.  I just wouldn't even know where to start...so I'm just going to throw some questions out.  She has life insurance...how do I handle that?  How do I tell family?  I can't even imagine making that phone call!  What do I do with her things?  She rents....so I'd have like a month or so.  Would I call the family...and see if they want things?  She's donating her body to science.  Would I still be expected do have a get together or something?  Would I do that here....or be expected to go where the family is, where she grew up?  My mom lives next door to me, and we argue, but she is my best friend.  I'd be so lost without her, and I just can't even begin to imagine have to do these things.

by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:23 PM
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SlightlyPerfect
by Bronze Member on Dec. 14, 2012 at 8:25 AM

I am so sorry you're going through this. We went through this about 2 years ago with my aunt, who chose in-home hospice to pass away from pancreatic cancer. So I can only go by that experience to offer you advice.

The first thing you do is sit down with her and her lawyer. If it's something like a terminal illness, make sure you acquire power of attorney. I assume she'll want you to handle this more so than her siblings, since they're farther away.

Make sure the will, insurance, etc. are all in order and to your mom's specifications. Make sure you have, on her medical chart, listed as DNR (if that's her wish), and make sure it's notated whether she is an organ donor (even though she wants to donate her body to science).

Will she need to choose hospice? Check with insurance to make sure they cover it.

Next come the funeral arrangements. Even though she wants to donate her body to science, make sure she helps with this. It should be to her specifications. You can still have a funeral even if she wants the body donated.

During that time, make sure you both look at a storage facility for her things, and if she can, have her pay for a few months in advance, just so you won't have to worry about that.

But here is the thing: There is an executor of the will who will be responsible to settle with the landlord--it's not you (or whoever has power of attorney). The deposit is an asset of the tenant. It will be returned if all rent is paid and there is no damage to the rental property (and the executor will see to that). It is up to the landlord whether he/she will let you in after your mother passes. He/She does not have to. In fact, it's better not to until the executor of the will has found all items of value.

For you, make sure you get on her siblings' asses if need be to help you. You shouldn't have to go through this alone.

I hope this helps.

slightlyperfect

jesusgirl76
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 11:33 AM
I'm sorry for what's happening. I'm praying for your mothers health as well as courage and strength for you to get through everything. All I can say is pray and ask God to give you guidance. Many hugs :)
Cemommster
by New Member on Dec. 16, 2012 at 9:51 AM

Hugs. I hear you.   My dad is going through hell with his health right now, and my mom had surgery before all this started. So they are relying on me a ton, because I have a brother that is wheelchair bound with MS and can't do a whole lot.

Does she have a will?  It's hard, but have a talk with her.  See what her wishes are.  It's the hardest talk ever, but I have a bit more peace of mind after it.

westtxmomtobe
by New Member on Dec. 16, 2012 at 9:56 AM

I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice at all. I lost my mother 4 years ago and my kid sister who was 19 at the time had to handle everything. I was across the country and not in a state mentally to make any of those kinds of decisions. I'm praying for you though, God will guide you and hold her. I'm sorry.

SugarMamaO76
by New Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:41 PM

 Very good advice here. I lost my mother 4 yrs ago this March. I am so sorry for what you are going through. (((((HUGS)))))

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

I am so sorry you're going through this. We went through this about 2 years ago with my aunt, who chose in-home hospice to pass away from pancreatic cancer. So I can only go by that experience to offer you advice.

The first thing you do is sit down with her and her lawyer. If it's something like a terminal illness, make sure you acquire power of attorney. I assume she'll want you to handle this more so than her siblings, since they're farther away.

Make sure the will, insurance, etc. are all in order and to your mom's specifications. Make sure you have, on her medical chart, listed as DNR (if that's her wish), and make sure it's notated whether she is an organ donor (even though she wants to donate her body to science).

Will she need to choose hospice? Check with insurance to make sure they cover it.

Next come the funeral arrangements. Even though she wants to donate her body to science, make sure she helps with this. It should be to her specifications. You can still have a funeral even if she wants the body donated.

During that time, make sure you both look at a storage facility for her things, and if she can, have her pay for a few months in advance, just so you won't have to worry about that.

But here is the thing: There is an executor of the will who will be responsible to settle with the landlord--it's not you (or whoever has power of attorney). The deposit is an asset of the tenant. It will be returned if all rent is paid and there is no damage to the rental property (and the executor will see to that). It is up to the landlord whether he/she will let you in after your mother passes. He/She does not have to. In fact, it's better not to until the executor of the will has found all items of value.

For you, make sure you get on her siblings' asses if need be to help you. You shouldn't have to go through this alone.

I hope this helps.

 

graycalico
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:42 AM
My mom passed in July after a quick battle of cancer, so she had nothing set up. If hospice gets involved they can notify your family or you can maybe just call one person and ask them to spread the word.
The insurance mailed us forms and it was up to us to send them back in.
You should do whatever you need to for yourself service wise. Your mom's siblings can have their own celebration of life where they are, and you can go or not. My mom's siblings all live out if state so we had a gathering there.
I hope it doesn't come to it, but hospice is really helpful with advice for this stuff. My mom was only on it for a week, but they helped with the immediate things after she passed.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
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