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Is this illegal?

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:50 PM
  • 11 Replies

I have recently left my boyfriend of 12 years.  We have been apart almost 3 months.  We have 2 young children together (6 yrs and 4yrs).  It started out really good.  Their father had been watching them while I was at work.  But then when he started getting mad he would say he wouldn't watch them.  Or he wasn't taking my daughter to school for a slight tummy ache she had, which was from him giving her too much sugar the night before. He would threaten to not send our daughter to school. 

I started having my mom watch them to be more stable.  This week she was gone for a couple days to go on a short trip with her husband.  The kids' dad said he would watch them.  I am supposed to be at work at 8:30 and I have a 30 min commute.  He didn't make it home from a night out until 8:20.  I already have been keeping the kids with my mom during the week so I don't miss work or won't be late for work, and only been asking him to watch them during the week when my mom has things to do.  I have worked with him and given him as many chances as I could to keep them all the time but he keeps screwing it up.

I told him I am no longer going to ask him to take the kids during the week.  He told me it is illegal because we were never married and I never filed for custody, we have joint custody.  There is no parenting plan in place but I am wanting to get one in place.  But in the mean time, is that illegal?  They call him every night and see him every weekend.  I just don't want them over there during the week because he is not dependable.  I live in Oregon and I am having a hard time finding the exact laws on it.

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
graycalico
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 5:29 AM
I don't think that's illegal. If he wants a legal schedule he needs to go to court to get one.
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lovinMYtwins07
by Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 7:59 PM

I don't think it is illegal but I do recommend getting something set in stone like what they do in court.  You don't want to risk anything.  Sorry you are going through this momma but you sound like you are a very strong woman and know what you need to do.  HUGS!

0Kit0
by Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:08 PM
No it's not. Its not like you're not allowing them to see him. And honestly why does he give a shit since he is the one who thinks a child's education is something you bargain with? Get a lawyer AND go for custody. He isn't responsible enough nor does he deserve to have those kids regularly.
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proudMom2634
by New Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 1:17 AM

On our country, its not illegal. The fact that you where not even married, doesn't even give him enough right for custidy unless he settle it in court.

slw123
by Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 1:54 PM

The problem here is that because you don't have a custody agreement, he has just as much right to them as you do.  Instead of telling him that he can't have them, just don't call him to get them.  When you tell him these things, he fires stuff back at you.  Get a formal custody agreement and child support.

Kmakksmom
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 3:20 PM
It's not illegal, and I agree with the other ladies. Get something in writing. Good luck :)
brownhoney21
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 3:24 PM

 

Quoting graycalico:

I don't think that's illegal. If he wants a legal schedule he needs to go to court to get one.

 

Hottmomma607
by Hottie on Jul. 1, 2013 at 6:00 PM

It isn't illegal!

Ambear72
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 6:17 PM

 I hope you are keeping a journal of everything that has been going on.  Everything dates, times, and his reasons for not doing as he said he would do.  If you havent yet start one.  Also go down and file for full custody.  I dont know where you live or what is legal or what isnt.  I know that when I got custody of my children I got the custody because of my house being the one the kids know and keeping them in the same school ect, but their dad wanted them in another state.  What ever you do, keep it professional.  DONT put any feelings into it.  It makes you look more grown up.  Most men try to play the emotions card. When I had the custody problems with my kids, I filled the paperwork out and represented myself.  He got a lawyer.  I was very matter of fact.  He did not, even with a lawyer.  I won, he did not.  Find out where your local District court is and go online to their website and download the paperwork and fill it out.  If you cant afford that you can file for a fee waiver.  I know how hard it is, but stay strong.  Good Luck!

proudmommy690
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 6:26 PM
Nope it's not illegal.
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