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How do you encourage your daughter to be confident with herself and not feel like she always has to follow what others do?

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM
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3 moms liked this

Think back to the time when you were your daughter's age.  What did you need from your mom? Are there things you like to do differently for your daughter, especially considering the additional pressures (i.e. media and celebrity images and culture, teasing and cyber bullying) she faces today?  Being able to talk with your daughter about these many different pressures will help her enormously.


How do you encourage your daughter to be confident with herself and not feel like she always has to follow what others do?

teen girl

by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
dandylynes
by New Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM
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This is kind of funny, we had this conversation Saturday night about being yourself.  But it wasn't me that was really saying anything, it was my 15 y/o.  She was getting upset at some peers that were following the crowd and not thinking for themselves.  

That is one thing I do not have to worry about, my daughter is who she is and she doesn't feel the need to change.  Even her music tastes tend to be a bit eclectic.  Her sense of style is pretty normal though, she's a jeans and nice shirt kind of person.

My daughter admires women of science, and some politicians.  She wants to be a political journalist.  She doesn't read fashion magazines (unless we're in the dr's office) or follow celebrities (with the exception of a few anchors).

5forjulie
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM

My dd loves to watch Austin and Ally on disney channel for the songs . 

She loves Teen Beat and BOP which i remember reading those when I was a youth. I know she likes reading them due to the stars. 

I do know that she listens to disney and also some CD's. Right now she is actively watching and understanding of all the things online and with her TV and Music. :) We are having some great discussions about the music and shows she is watching. 

We do discuss the media idea of girls and home life and how unrealistic it is. I do know that my dd marchs to a different drum beat, but I know that she knows that she is loved and she is beautiful . 

romalove
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM

My daughter has always been very much her own person.  She admires musicians worldwide, and not the typical pop stars we are familiar with.  She "likes" Katy Perry but she "loves" Haifa Webbe (I hope I don't butcher that spelling lol).  She is into a lot of Korean pop music and I took her to a Bigbang concert last year, she loved that.  She is highly sensitive to seeing injustice and prejudices that may escape others, so she will point it out when we are watching television or movies.

Because my daughter is a musician, she loves music television and movies.  Last movie we saw together in the theater was Les Miserable, she saw it twice because she loved it so much.  

I think her choices of being not mainstream are helpful to her in becoming confident, because she can see that she doesn't have to follow the crowd to create her own likes and dislikes and that it's OK to have sensibilities different than others her own age.

Heidi615
by New Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM
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We talk about this all the time. My daughter is really shy and reserved around other but the complete opposite at home. I just let her know that it's okay to be different and have her own style. She is truly an amazing girl and takes a stand for others, politely. I couldn't be more proud.

Trixi.VonLace
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM
1 mom liked this
I was an overweight kid, my family was constantly hounding me to loose weight. They meant well but went about it all wrong. I introduced healthy eating habits to my kids from the start. I stress that everyone is different and that is a wonderful thing, and as ling as they are healthy nothing else really matters. We live in a small-ish town and I don't conform to how society thinks I should look, I want my dd to see my confidence and not be afraid to be her own person, and not care what others do or think.
daerca574
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM
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 My mother and I never really talked much about anything.  My daughter and I talk constantly.  What I wanted from my mother, I give to my daughter.  i don't want her to ever feel like she can't come to me with something.  My daughter is very shy and so she comes to me with things that I had to deal with myself growing up. I always start conversations off with asking her if she knows anything new.  She tells me about bad choices her peers have made and we talk about how that affects her opinion of them.  We are a christian family so we always pray for them and then talk about what it would be like if she was in a similar situation. She usually opts for the same path I would want for her.  She is a good kid with good morales and is super responsible. I just hope that  if she is ever put in a situation such as bullying or being pressured into something that she will make a good decision.

Pnukey
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM

My daughter is 13. When I was that age, I was very confused. My mom was not an advice-giving mom and preferred to have us figure things out on our own. While it was useful sometimes, it would have been nice for a little guidance and information. I did not like her approach and do things differently with my girl.

My daughter's current favorite show is Dr. Who. She likes the crazy adventures and the fantasy elements. It is not a show that I watch, but she knows that we don't have to like the same things. Her friends also didn't watch, at first, and she was OK with that, but she has gotten a couple of her friends to watch it and now they like it too.

She doesn't read magazines, but does like to read Marvel comic books. It's not the usual reading material for a 13 year old girl, but again, she is comfortable with who she is and what she likes, so she just stays true to herself.

Music is interesting. She likes a good mix of songs from the 60's through today. Like me, she prefers songs that are happy and upbeat. 

We rarely discuss women in the media because we don't really pay attention to it. When it comes up, we discuss what we see and what we think about it. It really doesn't influence us very much.

I'm very proud of my girl who, so far, is comfortable in her own skin. She knows that she is a unique individual and shouldn't try to be someone she isn't.  Encouraging her to be like this is a process that began when she was little and continues daily. 

KW1280
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM
What are your daughter's favorite TV shows?pretty little liars, most of the shows on ABC family What does she like about them? To be honest I don't know.
What magazines does your daughter like to read? She is more into books than magazines. How do you think those images make her feel? My daughter knows that most models are airbrushed and hungry How would they make you feel if you were her? I have to bare all in order to be sexy
What music is your daughter listening to? Alicia Keys Have you checked out the lyrics or watched the videos?yes
Do you talk to your daughter about how women are represented in media and how unrealistic it can be? Have you shown them photos of what the celebs/models look like in their "real" life?yes
How do you encourage your daughter to confident comfortable with herself and not feel like she always has to follow what others do?" We do a lot of things together
MOMMYSLOVE13
by New Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM

From the time I was pregnant with my daughter, I was set that my child would not be a follower of others. My daughter knows that if she wants something or likes something, it has to be because she likes it and not because everyone else likes it. I told her that God did not make us with cookie cutters so we would have to be different. Not expecting her to be a typical child, as really let her wings grow and expand into what she has become today. 

joschmidt
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:44 AM
I try to be the example she wants to "follow". It's my job to raise her, and although I know some of the things, the media, will undoubtly influence her as she gets older. The best I can do is teach her to go with what feels right in her heart and mind. If something makes her heart feel sick, her stomach ache, then it's probably something she needs to really think about.
Her favorite tv shows are Sam & Kat, Big Time Rush, Shake It Up, Goodluck Charlie, Sanjay & Craig, Jessie, Dog with a Blog, and Wendal and Vinnie. She reads Tiger Beat. I think they make her feel like she can be a star. They would've made me feel like I needed to do something extra to stand out. She listens to Big Time Rush. The lyrics are even close to what most lyrics are. They are fairly innocent. She also listens to SOME Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez. Their lyrics are a bit more mature, so I curb her exposure. The way women are portrayed in the media doesn't influence her yet.
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