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What kills self-esteem: 3 Crucial DONTS to Remember

Posted by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 11:03 AM
  • 65 Replies
4 moms liked this


We moms are always searching for the right ways to raise our kids and help them grow strong and healthy in body and soul. But sometimes, the right way to raise your kids can be as simple as remembering what NOT to do. The link between mothers and children is an all-important bond. And in psychology, it is understood that what helps a child grow up into a strong, independent individual is not a perfect mom. That does not exist. What a kid needs is simply a good enough mom, one who maybe does not do everything right but tries hard not to do things wrong. Here are three important tips to help you remember what NOT to do when raising your girls and helping them develop strong self-esteem:

1) Do NOT let them see you overreact. When a child repeatedly sees a parent get very upset about things, even simple things like an appliance breaking or a flat tire, or spilled milk, they will learn to fear such simple events. And they will learn to deal with such simple events, throughout their lives, by overreacting and becoming overly upset. Instead, practice self-control in front of your children and you will teach them how to remain calm and rational in all sorts of situations. This positive behavior breeds confidence and self esteem instead of fear, anger or doubt.

2) Do NOT let them hear you demean yourself, your spouse, or anyone close. Even if you feel that you look horrible in some ugly outfit, keep it to yourself, or laugh about it, like "Can you believe mom's wearing this silly thing?!" Your daughter will learn from your behavior, your outlook, your words and your demeanor. Either she will learn to think she looks fat, ugly or ridiculous in certain situations, or she will learn that no matter what's she's wearing or doing, it does not matter because she still feels confident enough in herself, in who she is as person, and in her own strength of character to overcome whatever awkward stage, shame, or discomfort she might be experiencing.

3) Do NOT teach your children to listen to or give in to threats or bullying. Children who give in to threats or tolerate bullying are the most likely to be depressed, have low self-esteem, and / or find themselves in abusive relationships later in life. Teach you daughters to stand up to or ignore threats and bullies. And to get help standing up for themselves or staying safe if they feel threatened.

What do you avoid doing, as a mom, when trying to raise a strong and confident daughter?

© iStockphoto.com/ michaeljung

by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 11:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sukainah
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:07 AM
1 mom liked this

I have to admit, I am guilty of a few of those.  Must work on that!

slw123
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:07 AM

I personally have to work on overreacting.  Not that I do it too often, but I admit that I do overreact on occasion.

AlannaMaria
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:18 AM
1 mom liked this
This all makes perfect sense and I have to Admit, I overreact more then I should. I will def work on that! Thanks for sharing :)
Bmat
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:48 AM

I am careful to not let them see me overreact.  Thunderstorms, for example.. If I had shrieked and hidden and shuddered, they would have assumed that they were also afraid of thunderstorms. Instead we told stories about what the lightning and thunder were and laughed and listened for the next rumble. No fear.

GwenMB
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:50 AM
1 mom liked this

These sound like good tips for boys, too! I need to work on being better with them (esp #1).

Leelee1008
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this

tfs

timon95
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this

tfs

arpazia
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 12:10 PM
Well... Lol
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
dusky_rose
by Sue on Jul. 5, 2013 at 1:05 PM
3 moms liked this

I need to work on #2. I am so critical of how I look.


dusky_rose
by Sue on Jul. 5, 2013 at 1:09 PM
1 mom liked this

When we were kids we did the counting game to figure out how far away the lightening struck. We counted one one thousand,  two one thousand, three one thousand until we heard the thunder... then we would say how many miles away it was.

Quoting Bmat:

I am careful to not let them see me overreact.  Thunderstorms, for example.. If I had shrieked and hidden and shuddered, they would have assumed that they were also afraid of thunderstorms. Instead we told stories about what the lightning and thunder were and laughed and listened for the next rumble. No fear.



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