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Self-Confidence is a State of Mind

Posted by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM
  • 53 Replies
1 mom liked this


All kids feel some shame and self-doubt as they are growing and developing, at some point. And it's hard on them. But luckily, like shame, and like any other feelings, the feeling of confidence is a state of mind that can be accessed and felt by anyone. And you can help your kids realize this.

Explain to your kids that if they think positively about something, even just about themselves, they will feel better. The fact is that by thinking happy or positive thoughts, you are literally changing the chemicals in your brain, and happy chemicals set off happy feelings throughout your entire being. (Some studies even report that happy people make those around them happy, too, as if the happy chemicals could spread around. Isn't that awesome? I think so.) But what does this have to do with helping your growing girls develop self-confidence and strong self-esteem? Here's my thought: Help them understand that how they feel about themselves is entirely within their own control, because it's a state a mind that they can chose (yes, chose) and change, at will. If they feel like crap about themselves, that is only a mind set they are choosing to remain in, and they can change that feeling by changing their thinking. In other words, help them understand that if they want to feel strong and confident and self-assured, they just have to think of themselves as strong, confident and self-assured girls.

It's an attitude they can embrace whenever they want to, like a light switch turning on. No matter what others might be saying, or how others might be making them feel. And no matter how they might compare or not compare to their peers or friends or idols. (You can even share with them the tip that gets shared with people with stage fright: When you are feeling intimidated or shy or anxious or nervous, just try to imagine everyone around you in their underwear. Or naked. Ha!) So remind your daughters, when they are down, or doubting themselves in any way, that they can change those feelings on a dime by simply changing their own mind frame and thoughts about themselves. They can focus on the frustrating sides of who they are or where they are at, or they can focus all the good and positive things about their lives, and feel self-confident instead of doubtful or ashamed. It's that simple, but it's not necessarily a simple concept to grasp.

How do you help your girls develop a positive outlook and strong self-esteem when they are feeling insecure or down on themselves?

© iStockphoto.com/J-Elgaard  

by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:26 AM
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I would call them my beautiful daughters. If they felt badly about someone being mean to them, I'd comment that they shouldn't let their feelings about themselves be ruled by a person who would say such things.

sukainah
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:40 AM
2 moms liked this

That's good advice even for boys.

johnny4ever
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:34 AM

Wish I had a daughter!

jessicasmom1
by Bronze Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:51 AM
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I say to DD everyone has feelings . so if your going to get nervous over something so is your counter part .... every feels anxious have confindence in yourself  and shine the best you know how to the rest will come easy. 

dusky_rose
by Sue on Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:49 PM
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My oldest dd struggles with this. It's so hard for me to encourage her because she lives with her dad. I wish I could give her the gift of thinking positive, but she has issues with being social, so I know that this will be a struggle for her. I struggled with being very shy myself. Now my youngest dd on the other hand, has grown into a self confident woman.


Miranda1127
by Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 1:01 PM
1 mom liked this

 great advice

Kmakksmom
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 1:20 PM
1 mom liked this

This is wonderful advice.  I just remind them all the time, especially when they are down, that they are beautiful inside and out, and that I am very proud of them for the wonderful choices that they have made in life so far.

la_bella_vita
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 3:35 PM
1 mom liked this

 Great advice

.Angelica.
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I like this :)

Quoting Bmat:

I would call them my beautiful daughters. If they felt badly about someone being mean to them, I'd comment that they shouldn't let their feelings about themselves be ruled by a person who would say such things.


timon95
by Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 9:06 PM
1 mom liked this

we try to remind our kids to do unto others. if they don not like to get picked on or anything then do not do it to anyone else. if you see someone talking about another child then defend that child. tell an adult. we also tell them to just ignore what someone says about them if it is being mean.

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