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When words hurt

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 10:58 AM
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 DS is learning his words can be used to hurt people when he's mad. Especially since we encourage using his words and not his hands when he is mad.He says stuff like I don't like you anymore mommy or threatens to never cuddle with me again. He's also very grouchy with my mom and is always telling her to go away. As an adult, I know he is just mad and doing whatever he can to retaliate and doesn't mean what he says. I just don't know how to handle it. Not sure how I need to react. I'm going to talk to his councilor, but wanted y'alls advice.

 

by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 10:58 AM
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taKENheart
by Heatherly on Oct. 8, 2013 at 2:42 PM

 :( I'm not sure what the right way to handle this would be.  I think talking to his counselor would be a good start. 
I wonder if telling him then he has to go to his room if he is going to purposely attempt to hurt your feelings with his words.  Nobody likes to be hurt by words and don't want to be around people that do that.  Right he's a child but he'll need to learn that he can't just say mean things and expect the other person to just get over it when he's over it.  KWIM?  He may learn that at school if he does that to a friend :(
I hope the counselor can give you the right advice.

TheDoctorsWife
by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 2:53 PM
I hope so. Did any of your kids do that? If he spits he gets vinegar in his mouth and it works, but I have a feeling that's not the right route to go with this problem.

Quoting taKENheart:

 :( I'm not sure what the right way to handle this would be.  I think talking to his counselor would be a good start. 
I wonder if telling him then he has to go to his room if he is going to purposely attempt to hurt your feelings with his words.  Nobody likes to be hurt by words and don't want to be around people that do that.  Right he's a child but he'll need to learn that he can't just say mean things and expect the other person to just get over it when he's over it.  KWIM?  He may learn that at school if he does that to a friend :(
I hope the counselor can give you the right advice.

bmw29
by Spitfire_Bobbie on Oct. 8, 2013 at 2:59 PM
Whenever Cameron would tell me that he didn't like me I would just tell him that was fine by me. I would tell him that I loved him very much but that I didn't much like him right then either.
TheDoctorsWife
by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:16 PM

 I do that too. Sometimes I ask how it would feel if I said those things to him. He says it would break my heart, but if would let be do whatever it is I'm mad about, I will like you again.

Quoting bmw29:

Whenever Cameron would tell me that he didn't like me I would just tell him that was fine by me. I would tell him that I loved him very much but that I didn't much like him right then either.

 

taKENheart
by Heatherly on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:19 PM
1 mom liked this

 Gosh, I'm sure at least one of them did but I can't remember. 
The vinegar is a good trick...glad that works.  You are probably right.  You still want him to be able to communicate his feelings but without purposely being hurtful towards you.
I think it's funny when people say that if your kids don't like you then you are doing something right, lol.

Quoting TheDoctorsWife:

I hope so. Did any of your kids do that? If he spits he gets vinegar in his mouth and it works, but I have a feeling that's not the right route to go with this problem.

Quoting taKENheart:
bmw29
by Spitfire_Bobbie on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:19 PM
Just don't let him know it hurts your feelings. He's getting the reaction he's looking for which leads him to believe you will eventually give in.

Quoting TheDoctorsWife:

 I do that too. Sometimes I ask how it would feel if I said those things to him. He says it would break my heart, but if would let be do whatever it is I'm mad about, I will like you again.


Quoting bmw29:

Whenever Cameron would tell me that he didn't like me I would just tell him that was fine by me. I would tell him that I loved him very much but that I didn't much like him right then either.

 

TheDoctorsWife
by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:26 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm pretty good at not giving in. LOL
Quoting bmw29:

Just don't let him know it hurts your feelings. He's getting the reaction he's looking for which leads him to believe you will eventually give in.

Quoting TheDoctorsWife:

 I do that too. Sometimes I ask how it would feel if I said those things to him. He says it would break my heart, but if would let be do whatever it is I'm mad about, I will like you again.


Quoting bmw29:

Whenever Cameron would tell me that he didn't like me I would just tell him that was fine by me. I would tell him that I loved him very much but that I didn't much like him right then either.

 

vetNmommy
by Pal on Oct. 8, 2013 at 4:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you are handeling it just fine.  My 7 year old says stuff sometimes to get a "reaction" Like most recent. He was upset with me because I poured his cereal.  (he is OCD) So he said he was going to hurt daddy.  I ignored him and told his psychiatrist.  I just ignore it and he usually stops.  Good luck!

sukainah
by Karen on Oct. 13, 2013 at 10:43 AM

My youngest does that and it is hurtful.  He says to me and his brother that he doesn't love us anymore and I can't get him to apologize for saying that.  I try to explain that he is just mad but his words are hurtful.  Hasn't worked yet.

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