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So stressed out! (Sorry, this is LONG)

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 11:45 AM
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I swear. I cannot catch a break on the stress level.  

You all may recall - My DD's were adopted by my current DH, and in November 2013 my oldest DD turned 18 and started to reconnect with her biological father. This forced me into dealing with a lot of crap I had swept under the rug for last 10 years. It also forced my younger DD to deal with a few issues I was hoping she wouldn't have to deal with until she was older. BUT ... everyone involved pulled together and we moved along.

My oldest DD graduated high school in May 2014 and was preparing to go to UCF (about an hour away) in August. Over the summer I had a lot of face to face interactions with my ex (for graduation parties and financial issues, etc). My DD really wanted all of us to get along and include her father in her special events. Also, my father visits every year in May. We have an "ok" relationship and we get along fine, but I have a lot of issues from my childhood and it stresses me out when he's here. (I managed to get him down to one visit a year from 2, because the second visit was in the middle of the school year and it wreaked havoc with everyone's schedule).

Longer story made a little shorter - again, you might remember - I landed in the hospital with pancreatitis on Memorial Day weekend. Suspiciously, leading up to this event, I broke out everywhere in giant patches of eczema and I was just feeling crappy. Also, trying to prepare my DD to leave for college in August...

This was a huge deal for me! She had a very rough time starting out, but she got it together and is having an amazing time now!

She came home for a month in December 2014 for Christmas break and we had many deep conversations about life, her father, how our family fell apart, etc ... it was very emotional and I know it brought us closer. It was a lot of stuff I knew we would eventually have to talk about. Come Christmas, she wanted all of us to have a celebratory dinner together (with her biological father). This was something I absolutely did not want to do (mostly because my youngest DD is not interested in getting to know her biological father at this time. She was just 2 when we split up and 4 when my DH adopted her). AWKWARD! But, again, we all pushed on and had a nice dinner out.

And somewhere between Halloween and Christmas 2014, I was diagnosed with gout. Apparently, I've had it for about 3 years but I didn't know it. I was originally told I had Tendonitis.  This has been a seriously big deal the last 6 or 8 months or so, because it has laid me up on crutches several times, it is THE single most agonizing pain I have ever felt (so far to date!) and has caused me to miss out or postpone more than one event with my family (like my youngest DD's 13 birthday).

SOOOO, on with the New Year! Everything is behind us. I am looking forward to starting fresh, getting my health issues under control, starting a clean eating program, maybe dropping a few pounds, getting back to a regular exercise program, etc, etc!

DH and I get the flu. We had the vaccine, but I'm sure it was a mild version. Wiped us out about 2 weeks total between the 2 of us. Could have been worse, so I'm grateful!

A week later, as I've been complaining, my youngest DD got 4 teeth pulled as part of her orthodontic treatment plan, and she's been giving me a run for my money! (I think we're finally on the up and up today. She's asking me to take her out for a cheeseburger! Woo Hoo!)

Speaking of money ... SURPRISE! You're insurance doesn't cover ANY of this! $1,400 dollars later ...

I am worn down and exhausted. And January just came and went right before my very eyes!

Last week, DH told me he bid to move to an open spot at a different fire station. This is OK, because it's actually a minute or two closer to home and is pretty much in the back yard of the high school our youngest DD will be going to next fall. Also, he goes from a 2 rescue station down to one (which means he only has a crew of one other guy/girl instead of 3 others). And his run area is a little smaller and in a little bit better part of town (his run area now encompasses a college campus, all of a low income, "not so great part of town", the soup kitchen and several homeless camps as well as 4 or 5 nursing homes. It's an extremely busy station). Today is his last day at this station. He's been there for about 7 years, so he's a little anxious about the change.

I went to bed last night and was a little relieved that I would be able to sleep in this morning, as I am just frickin tired!

Around 9 am the doorbell rang and the mailman left a rather large envelope between the doors. It's from my deceased exMIL's husband. For my oldest DD. She passed away a couple of years ago (it will be 2 years this March).

VERY LONG STORY SHORT: My exMIL and I had it out about 10 years ago (shortly after my ex and I divorced) and she threatened me at the time that when my girls turned 18 she was going to let them know what a terrible mother I really am.

SERIOUSLY!!!!  ARE YOU EFFFFFFING KIDDING ME!!!! I need this crap like l need a whole in my damn head.  I can't even worry about what's in there. I have such a headache.

I am going to take a hot shower and go shopping with my daughter.

To anyone who survived this rant, thank you! And I apologize for going off. I started this as a simple post, but it just took on a mind of its own. GRRRRRR!!!!!!


frustrated

by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 11:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
taKENheart
by Heatherly on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I read the entire post ;)  You know I care ;)
I can't imagine even half of what you've been through.  It sounds like a lot and even too much really.
You are a very gracious woman and mother.  I couldn't deal with my ex like you have upon my child's request.  Sure, a graduation or wedding event but not going to dinner together. 

I sure hope your stress level will not explode by this delivery that you got for your dd.  Can you read it first?  Nobody should even ever attempt to destroy the way a child thinks about their mother even if they hate them.  It hurts the child way more than it will give them pleasure.  How disgusting if she did leave a letter to them full of her hateful rants about their mother.

Breathe and try to stay focused on the good that has happened and what you want to strive for. I know that's easier said than done.  You deserve to be happy and not this stressed.  Sure stress comes with life but you are do for a break.  Spring break is coming...is it possible for you all to take a few days to go away?  

LaniBee
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 3:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh, gosh, you're a trouper! Thank you for reading it and for caring.  And for your kind words.   :-)

I feel a lot better just putting it out there. It's like everything is organized now and I can see it clearly.

I'm not going to open the envelope. It's addressed to Casey and I don't want to go down that road. I'm just going to have to trust that whatever it is, we will be fine. I told her about our falling out, so if it is something negative, it won't be a total surprise. I agree with you, though. It's one thing to mess with me because I'm the one she had a beef with, but to take my kid down to her level just isn't right. 

I just bought some organic soaps, lip balm and shampoo from Dr. Bronner's. I can't wait to relax later and feel all nice and cleansed! 

DH and I have been looking at a few things to do during Spring break. Getting away sounds like a great idea. Although, I feel a little guilty for complaining. When it comes down to it, I have a great life and I know so many people have it a lot worse than I do. Chin up and moving on!  Thanks to friends! ;)


Quoting taKENheart:


taKENheart
by Heatherly on Jan. 31, 2015 at 4:24 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh I'm betting it felt good to just let the words flow onto the screen and get your vent on.

Ah I don't know why I was thinking about it being for Carly.  You clearly said 18.  It's good that she already knows about the issues you and the ex mil.  Much better that it won't catch her by surprise or that you just are explaining to her now that the letter is there.  Hopefully she won't take anything to heart from the letter.

Nice!  I don't think I've heard of that brand.  Is it really good stuff?  Enjoy it ;)

We all need to get away from time to time.  Hope you find some fun and relaxing things to do.
You have been through a ton of stuff and it's ok to vent even if you still love your life. 
 

Quoting LaniBee:
LaniBee
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 6:43 PM
1 mom liked this

:-)

Dr. Bronner's is all natural and organic stuff. They make castile soap bars and liquid. I found a bunch of products at "The Vitamin Shoppe"  - a store I didn't know existed over by the mall!  lol  I just tried their lip balm (lemon lime) and it is the best. Very silky and soft, even hours later when it wore it off. I think I like it better than Burts Bees. 

I'm going to try the new shampoo and conditioner later. Acure organics. I'm pretty sure it's not organic, but it does have all natural ingredients. It smells like almonds!

Quoting taKENheart:

Oh I'm betting it felt good to just let the words flow onto the screen and get your vent on.Ah I don't know why I was thinking about it being for Carly.  You clearly said 18.  It's good that she already knows about the issues you and the ex mil.  Much better that it won't catch her by surprise or that you just are explaining to her now that the letter is there.  Hopefully she won't take anything to heart from the letter.Nice!  I don't think I've heard of that brand.  Is it really good stuff?  Enjoy it ;)We all need to get away from time to time.  Hope you find some fun and relaxing things to do.You have been through a ton of stuff and it's ok to vent even if you still love your life.  

Quoting LaniBee:


taKENheart
by Heatherly on Jan. 31, 2015 at 6:50 PM

Oh nice! I wonder if we have that store.  Oooh I need that lip balm.  The one I got is nice but I have to wear it all the time or it does no good.
Organics is in the name but you think it's not organic? LOL!  Oooh I bet the almond smells good. 

Quoting LaniBee:

:-)

Dr. Bronner's is all natural and organic stuff. They make castile soap bars and liquid. I found a bunch of products at "The Vitamin Shoppe"  - a store I didn't know existed over by the mall!  lol  I just tried their lip balm (lemon lime) and it is the best. Very silky and soft, even hours later when it wore it off. I think I like it better than Burts Bees. 

I'm going to try the new shampoo and conditioner later. Acure organics. I'm pretty sure it's not organic, but it does have all natural ingredients. It smells like almonds!

Quoting taKENheart:
weeping_angel
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow! That's so stressful!!!!
LaniBee
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:57 PM
1 mom liked this

I've seen the liquid and bar soaps at Walgreens and Walmart. They make lotions and shaving gel and a few other products, but I have only ever seen them on line and (just today) at that Vitamin Shoppe. 

Ya, I was reading a blog last night about organic products and it was saying that some companies put the word "organics" on the label to draw in distracted consumers. There is some kind of symbol that true organic items have. The shampoo doesn't have it. The almond does smell nice! 


Quoting taKENheart:

Oh nice! I wonder if we have that store.  Oooh I need that lip balm.  The one I got is nice but I have to wear it all the time or it does no good.Organics is in the name but you think it's not organic? LOL!  Oooh I bet the almond smells good. 

Quoting LaniBee:

:-)

Dr. Bronner's is all natural and organic stuff. They make castile soap bars and liquid. I found a bunch of products at "The Vitamin Shoppe"  - a store I didn't know existed over by the mall!  lol  I just tried their lip balm (lemon lime) and it is the best. Very silky and soft, even hours later when it wore it off. I think I like it better than Burts Bees. 

I'm going to try the new shampoo and conditioner later. Acure organics. I'm pretty sure it's not organic, but it does have all natural ingredients. It smells like almonds!

Quoting taKENheart:


taKENheart
by Heatherly on Jan. 31, 2015 at 8:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah, I heard  that about organic products too.  I hate that companies find loop holes and we have to figure it all out.  That annoys me to no end.

Quoting LaniBee:

I've seen the liquid and bar soaps at Walgreens and Walmart. They make lotions and shaving gel and a few other products, but I have only ever seen them on line and (just today) at that Vitamin Shoppe. 

Ya, I was reading a blog last night about organic products and it was saying that some companies put the word "organics" on the label to draw in distracted consumers. There is some kind of symbol that true organic items have. The shampoo doesn't have it. The almond does smell nice! 

Quoting taKENheart:
LaniBee
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 10:22 PM
1 mom liked this

It annoys me, too. It's difficult enough to figure out what all the ingredients are. I don't know why companies are allowed to call the same ingredient by 20 different names. Who has time for all that research! 

Quoting taKENheart:

Yeah, I heard  that about organic products too.  I hate that companies find loop holes and we have to figure it all out.  That annoys me to no end.

Quoting LaniBee:

I've seen the liquid and bar soaps at Walgreens and Walmart. They make lotions and shaving gel and a few other products, but I have only ever seen them on line and (just today) at that Vitamin Shoppe. 

Ya, I was reading a blog last night about organic products and it was saying that some companies put the word "organics" on the label to draw in distracted consumers. There is some kind of symbol that true organic items have. The shampoo doesn't have it. The almond does smell nice! 

Quoting taKENheart:


taKENheart
by Heatherly on Jan. 31, 2015 at 10:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Ain't nobody got time for dat, lol.  It should be so much easier to look after your food/brand choices.

Quoting LaniBee:

It annoys me, too. It's difficult enough to figure out what all the ingredients are. I don't know why companies are allowed to call the same ingredient by 20 different names. Who has time for all that research! 

Quoting taKENheart:

Yeah, I heard  that about organic products too.  I hate that companies find loop holes and we have to figure it all out.  That annoys me to no end.

Quoting LaniBee:
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