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And now...

Posted by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:00 AM
  • 11 Replies

 My 87yo MIL who lives next door fell this morning getting out bed. She reached for her cabinet nightstand to steady herself and it fell on her. FIL is on Hospice care and bed/chair ridden so neither of them were able to call for help. Thankfully FIL's nurse that gets him up came shortly after her fall and called my SIL who called us. My DH was able to get her up, to the bathroom and into a chair, but we think something is broken or fractured in her lower leg or ankle. She's going in for x-rays at 11:15. I'll be staying with FIL, which makes me extremely nervous because he is 100% dependent on others for everything, including toilet issues, which I've never had to help with and uh, just feels... weird.

And long term- even if she didn't fracture anything she is not going to be able to be main caregiver for awhile... and if she did it will be even longer that she can't be main caregiver... but none of us are really in a position to be, either. I have no idea what we are going to do at this point!!!!! I can help some days when my kids are in school, but not when they are home-- I tried being caregiver a few years back when he still had mobility and only needed a fraction of the care he needs now and things would happen with him that I had to go tend to and my kids would end up alone for an hour or more... they were old enough to be mostly independent and were just next door, but still... it just wasn't doable for the long run. And now he is 100% dependent.

But DH's family holds firmly to the belief that family takes care of family and never a nursing home-- since I am next door I know they are going to try to guilt/pressure me into it-- but I know my limitations and have 3 kids-- I just can't be there all day, every day!!!

If you are the praying sort, please pray about this whole situation!!!! Thanks!

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by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
TerriC
by Terri on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:32 AM

Sorry to hear about all of this!  I am hoping and praying it all works out!

steelcrazy
by Representative on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:43 AM

That is really a difficult position to be in.  I will be sending prayers your way.  

I know that there are resources out there to help keep eldery people in their own homes, but I'm not sure how much help that they'd be for someone who is totally dependant on others.  Not sure if your county has a department on aging or not, but that would be where I would start.

SahmTam
by Tammy on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:11 PM
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Quoting TerriC:

Sorry to hear about all of this!  I am hoping and praying it all works out!

 Thanks, Terri. I was over with him until 11:30am and then his bath nurses came. They are staying until 2pm and getting his lunch for him and then a hospice volunteer will be with him for a few hours. Phil (my DH) and MIL should be home by then and we can take care of getting their dinner and his sister (lives just down the street from us) can then help them to bed. We're all here all weekend, so that buys us some time to see what we're dealing with and figure out a plan.

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SahmTam
by Tammy on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:54 PM

 

Quoting steelcrazy:

That is really a difficult position to be in.  I will be sending prayers your way.  

I know that there are resources out there to help keep eldery people in their own homes, but I'm not sure how much help that they'd be for someone who is totally dependant on others.  Not sure if your county has a department on aging or not, but that would be where I would start.

 Thanks!

We met with the Office of the Aging for our county when we were meeting with Hospice and various private home health companies. What O of the A offered was about the same as what we get through the home health company we hired + hospice. No one does full time day care (unless you can pay it per hour from a private comapny). So we try to work around the times that aren't covered by getting him pottied, fed, etc. from the nurses while they are there and having things prepped well, helping MIL with laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc...

If/when he is actively dying hospice could be there as many hours as necessary, but we aren't there yet. So... we are trying to keep him at home. Last Feb. he fell and broke his hip and was in the hospital/rehab for over 2 months. He never wants to leave their house again to be in a hospital or home, and yet if MIL is incapacitated I'm not seeing another way.

 

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SahmTam
by Tammy on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:57 PM

 Phil and his mom are back home. She went to the doctor and he doesn't think anything is broken. Her range of motion was good and she didn't have terrible pain doing those things. She complains of a tingly feeling, but he thinks that's just the blood pooling in the surrounding tissues. She's to elevate her leg and ice it. He wants her to use a walker from now on when getting up in the morning.

cafay
by Terri on Feb. 1, 2013 at 2:06 PM
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I'm so sorry. It's a really hard position to be in. I wish I could help out more or had something more to say. But I will say my prayers for you and your family. Hugs to you!

vallhk
by vals6pack on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:04 PM
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omg so sorry prayers with them and your family

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:33 PM

I'm so sorry~ good thoughts your way!

tazmidgiefairy
by Representative on Feb. 1, 2013 at 7:08 PM

I hope everything works out for you i know what you going through before my fil passed he was like this

3mom627
by Cheryle on Feb. 1, 2013 at 7:26 PM

 You really have your hands full. My MIL lived with us for a couple of years. She was pretty mobile then and was able to go up and down our steps. She got really sick about 2 years ago and ended up in and out of the hospital frequently and it was then that she decided that she was better off in a nursing home. She always said she never wanted to "end up in a nursing home", but now she loves it. That is so much for people to handle. It is so stressful. Good luck and of course, prayers.

3MOM627

have a nice day

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