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My twins (very long)

Posted by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 2:16 PM
  • 20 Replies

This subject isn't painful for me to talk about, so feel free to ask questions.  I have told this story in front of large groups before and have lead support groups for mothers whose babies have passed away. 

Since this is very long, I am going to make several posts.  That will make it easier for you to read a little bit of it at a time. 

Way back in 1999, I was a 27 year old working for a billion dollar corporation.  I was moving up the corporate ladder and enjoyed my job.  I had been married for 4 years and had no plans of start any time soon.  We were both really focused on our careers and were enjoying our child free lives very VERY much. 

 

I was on BC, and took it religiously.  In late May my period was late in coming, which was very rare for me.  I thought that it was due to stress since I had just accepted a huge promotion at work a few weeks prior.  By mid-June I had been sick for far too long, my best friend was concerned, I was in denial, and my husband was clueless.  My friend purchased a pregnancy test and made me take it in the restroom at work.  I couldn't look at it, so she is the one that checked it and it was positive.  I was upset and very nervous.  It took me a few weeks to tell my husband.  About a month to call the doctor to schedule an appointment.  I told my parents after the doctor's appointment.  My parents were thrilled, I don't recall telling the ILs or their reaction. 

 

I got huge very quickly, but only was gaining weight in my midsection.  I wasn't able to wear my own clothing by the time I was 8 weeks along.  I was also flying through bras like crazy, needing a bigger size every week or two.  I was in maternity clothes prior to being 12 weeks, I wasn't thrilled. 

 

At my 20 weeks ultrasound, the first one that I had, it was confirmed that I was carrying twins.  We knew that they were identical due to a rare condition that only occurs in identical twins, called Twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS).  This is where there is only one placenta for both babies to share, in most twin pregnancies there are two placentas.  When TTTS occurs, neither baby is being nourished properly and there are usually heart problems involved as well. 

 

At this point, I was considered a very high risk pregnancy and was referred to a perinatologist (maternal-fetal medicine specialist) who worked out of a local hospital with a level 3 NICU. 

 

My mother went into hyper mode, buying baby things in double and quadruple (carseats).  Her and my dad began getting the nursery ready in my house, although there was only one crib at my insistance as I planned on them sharing a crib for the first few weeks. 

 

  

 

 

 

by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 2:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
steelcrazy
by Silver Member on Jul. 9, 2013 at 2:17 PM

 

 

I kept getting bigger by the day.  I went from right around 105 lbs and a 32A bra size to around 150 lbs and a 36G bra size in only 25 weeks. I have stretch marks like crazy on my stomach and boobs.  My bra band size increased so much because the babies were making a "T" shape inside of me and that stretched my rib cage.

 

 

 

On Oct 12 in the morning, I went for my 25 week perinatologist check up, I was no longer under the care of my OB.  Everything was looking good, heartbeats were strong, and I was under no restrictions at this point in time.  I scheduled another check up for 2 weeks.  My husband and I went home to grab some lunch and I was going to head back to work, he was off so he was going to wash and wax his truck.

 

I was sitting on the couch with the recliner up eating lunch and watching The Family Feud when I sneezed and thought I peed myself.  I went into the bathroom and realized the trickle wasn't stopping.  I yelled out the backdoor for my husband and then called the perinatologist office and talked to the nurse.  TMI WARNING  The nurse asked me to sniff my panties to see if there was an odor, and there wasn't.  Amniotic fluid has no color or odor.

 

End TMI The nurse told me to get back to their office as quickly as I could.  My mom drove, I rode shotgun sitting on a garbage bag, and hubby was in the back.  Once at the perinatologist office, we were quickly ushered into an exam room and the doctor was there in a matter of seconds.  The doctor took a sample of the fluid on a slide to look at under a microscope to determine if it was amniotic fluid and it was.  He also checked to see if I was dilated, I wasn't.  I was sent to the hospital and the doctor called to let his partner know that I was on my way.

 

 

 

steelcrazy
by Silver Member on Jul. 9, 2013 at 2:35 PM

 

 

At the hospital, I was admitted, an IV was started and I was hooked up to the machines to measure contractions.  I was contracting slightly, so I was given some meds to try to stop them.  The first med didn't work and my contractions began picking up, I was dilated 1 cm and was giving a stronger med to try to stop the contractions.  By this point in time my dad, 17 year old brother, and aunt had arrived at the hospital.  We all were well aware of what was happening, yet we did our absolute best to remain calm.  They all had dinner in my hospital room, I wasn't permitted to eat anything.

 

In the early evening, the doctor came in to discuss my options with me.  The fluid was still leaking and I was still contracting.  The longer that you go with amniotic fluid leaking, the more likely that you are to get an infection.  So even if I decided to go with an even stronger drug to stop the contractions, there wasn't a guarantee that I wouldn't get an infection in the next day or so that would cause me to have to deliver via emergency c-section.  The survival rate of a child born at 25 weeks was very slim back then.  However, I also ran the risk of losing my uterus due to infection.  I chose to go for the next drug, even though I was 3 cm dilated, this was around 9:00 PM.  I got to fill out tons of paperwork on what interventions I would permit for myself and each of the babies, basically filling out the same thing 3 times.  It was very odd for me to be filling this stuff out instead of my mom.  This is the exact moment when I felt like a grown up.

 

My husband, dad, and brother left the hospital around 10:00 PM to try to get some sleep and would come back in the early morning.  My mom and aunt were going to spend the night with me.  My contractions began to get stronger over the next hour.  Around 11:40 PM I told my mom that I really felt the urge to push, she went in the hall to get the nurse and my aunt pulled the blanket off of me to look, she saw a head.  The nurse came rushing in and called for the doctor.  They didn't even get a chance to break down the bed or dress for the delivery.  My aunt and the doctor delivered baby A at 11:43 PM and baby B at 11:51 PM.  I got to hold them each for a few moments prior to them being rushed to the NICU.

 

My husband and dad were called shortly after the babies were born, it happened to fast to even think about calling them before.  They rushed to the hospital to see the babies.  Everyone got to hold them for a few moments.  Both babies died in my arms, baby B first and baby A within an hour.  Both lived less than 24 hours.  They are buried with my maternal grandmother. 

 

They were boys.  Baby A weighed 1 lb 3 oz and was 9" long.  Baby B weighed 15 oz and was 6" long.

 

 

 

cafay
by Terri on Jul. 9, 2013 at 3:36 PM

I am SO sorry. I cannot imagine.......This story made me cry. How do you manage to go on after such a loss? Was there something that kept you wanting  to get up after such a loss? I think I'd wanna die....

steelcrazy
by Silver Member on Jul. 9, 2013 at 3:51 PM

 I'm not going to lie, it was a very difficult time for me.  I wasn't left alone for a second for a good month.  I didn't return to work for 6 weeks.  I spent a ton of time vacuuming while screaming at the top of my lungs for the first few weeks.  I also screamed in the shower.  I didn't leave the house for two weeks, didn't go anywhere other than the local grocery store for close to a month.  I was more afraid of other people saying something stupid and me punching them.  lol

I was in a support group from the very beginning.  I left the hospital with the name and phone number of a woman that I could talk to 24/7.  I have since filled that role for a few women, it is my way of giving back for the wonderful support that I received.  It was a very long healing process.

The hardest part for me was accepting that there was absolutely nothing that I did wrong and that it most likely wouldn't happen again.  I was basically afraid every day of my next pregnancy.  I got pregnant again fairly quickly on my doctor's advice.  They thought it would be best for me to get a normal pregnancy under my belt before I had too much time to think about it.  I was pregnant again less than 12 weeks after having the twins.  I wouldn't discuss that pregnancy with anyone except close family until I was a good 5 months pregnant.

Quoting cafay:

I am SO sorry. I cannot imagine.......This story made me cry. How do you manage to go on after such a loss? Was there something that kept you wanting  to get up after such a loss? I think I'd wanna die....

 

cafay
by Terri on Jul. 9, 2013 at 4:23 PM

Your strength is a wonderful inspiration.May I ask if you are a religious person? Did that help you in any way?

steelcrazy
by Silver Member on Jul. 9, 2013 at 4:30 PM

 Yes, I am religious.  I was mad at God for a long time for putting me through this.  I am often know to say that I wish he didn't have quite so much faith in my strength.

Quoting cafay:

Your strength is a wonderful inspiration.May I ask if you are a religious person? Did that help you in any way?

 

cafay
by Terri on Jul. 9, 2013 at 4:36 PM

 


Quoting steelcrazy:I don't blame you. I would be too.Its very hard to be faithful during any time that is trying. But you do have other children now?

 Yes, I am religious.  I was mad at God for a long time for putting me through this.  I am often know to say that I wish he didn't have quite so much faith in my strength.

Quoting cafay:

Your strength is a wonderful inspiration.May I ask if you are a religious person? Did that help you in any way?

 


 

steelcrazy
by Silver Member on Jul. 9, 2013 at 4:39 PM

 Yes, I have 2 boys, kinda ironic.  The oldest one was born 14 months and 1 week after the twins and is now 12.5.  The youngest one is 9.5.  They both know about their brothers and have known about them from the time that they were very little.

Quoting cafay:

 

 

Quoting steelcrazy:I don't blame you. I would be too.Its very hard to be faithful during any time that is trying. But you do have other children now?

 Yes, I am religious.  I was mad at God for a long time for putting me through this.  I am often know to say that I wish he didn't have quite so much faith in my strength.

Quoting cafay:

Your strength is a wonderful inspiration.May I ask if you are a religious person? Did that help you in any way?

 

 

 

 

Dona127
by Dona on Jul. 9, 2013 at 5:23 PM

 

      Your story made me cry!  I don't know what I would have done if that had happened to me?   You are one strong minded person with the help of your support group.  I'm glad to see that you give other women support too who have gone through the same as you.

      God Bless you on your path to help others have peace in their hearts.

MichelleMc
by Group Admin on Jul. 9, 2013 at 6:47 PM

One amazing story. That is one heck of a lot to go through. Hugs for sure on that. But glad you are able support others with your story. I know that has to help so many. 

Michelle, Body Combat Addict 
Proud Mom of Jonathan, Army Soldier and Eagle & Vigil Scout
Proud Navy Submarine Vet WifeTo Jake

Join us in the  Pennsylvania Moms group.

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