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What to do...thoughts?---UPDATE

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 7:58 AM
Amy
  • 13 Replies
A girl I used to call my best friend who was also the maid of honor at my wedding (I was also hers) who has been a terrible friend for the last couple years is pregnant and is having a baby shower February 17. (Bad friend because she did not contact me at all when my father died, she did not tell me she and her husband bought a house, she did not tell me her husband was injured while deployed and got sent home, she did not contact me when my daughter was born and then was incredibly insensitive when my baby and i were in the hospital for 3 weeks after her birth) I received the invitation yesterday. The baby shower is at 10:30am and is 4 hours away. The invitation says no children allowed. My DH will not be here so he can't watch the baby, so I would have to bring her with me. I'd also have to leave at 6am and my dog would be stuck in her crate for hours until I got home. A 4 hour trip with the baby on my own is a lot, in my opinion. Also, this may seem petty but this girl never sent any gifts when my baby was born and she did not attend my baby shower that was held 2 months after my baby was born. I don't want to attend this shower but I feel like I have to. It seems more like of a hassle than anything else. I'm very sad that this girl and I are not at close as we used to be, we were inseparable for a long time, but I honestly don't blame myself--I made so much effort and got very little in return. Ugh. I just need advice on how to handle this!

****UPDATE: so I told her I wouldn't be attending and explained it would be tough for several reasons. She said "life is hard for everyone right now, you wouldn't have had fun anyway." Ummmmm kind of a strange response and I feel it is fairly disingenuous but whatever, I'm off the hook now. I'll send a gift it's the least I can do. Ugh. I wish friends didn't change! But it happens to us all...
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by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 7:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jennient3
by Jennie on Jan. 13, 2013 at 10:28 AM
I would go if it was easier, but it's not. I am the type that would send a little something, but it really sounds like too much trouble, for someone that couldn't be bothered . I would write something in a card like after you have the baby I would love to come visit and meet your little one.
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lillucky8
by Jen on Jan. 13, 2013 at 11:00 AM
I wouldnt go. If she said no kids and you have no sitter then skip it. Besides who has a baby shower and puts no kids allowed?!? Id send a card after the shower (in case she doesnt know about it- not sure if ur friend sent the invite or someone else) say thank you for the invite but you were unable to make it and congrats. Id send a gc to bru if u feel like u have to send something.
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143myboys9496
by Suzzanne on Jan. 13, 2013 at 11:06 AM

 I wouldn't go either. Sounds like you have more reasons NOT to go than go. I would simply RSVP "unable to attend" and leave it at that. If someone asks it's really none of their business. But you can be honest and say, you have no childcare, OR just say you had a schedule conflict.

AmesCSki
by Amy on Jan. 13, 2013 at 11:19 AM
Thanks a lot ladies :) I'm totally leaning toward not going. Ugh.
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RMT1995
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:39 PM

Yeah, I wouldn't go either. Saying no kids is your green light to decline right there. There's a time when you should stop being the only one putting anything into a friendship without getting anything in return and it seems like you reached that point. You're under no obligation to attend, and, if I reread what you've said ... sounds like it was a one-way friendship for a while.

AidanCamsMom
by Amanda on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:51 PM

I wouldn't go. 4 hours away is an incredible distance plus you don't have someone to watch your baby.

Crissy2424
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:58 PM

Yea, it is simple. It says no kids (which is silly) and you have your baby. I would RSVP saying you have your child and no childcare and congrats. Why give some big explanation if you don't have to. Sorry you are going through this. I have an ex friend who I was very close with also...ended badly over a lie she made up........

rosemagic01
by Holli on Jan. 13, 2013 at 2:48 PM
4 hours away would have been enough to say sorry I can't go but how she's been it just seems like its a gift invite and not a i really want you there invite you know?
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rosemagic01
by Holli on Jan. 13, 2013 at 7:32 PM

Thats a really odd response. I would definitley be a little hurt by that but maybe your better off with her not in your life now. 

AmesCSki
by Amy on Jan. 13, 2013 at 7:43 PM
I think you're right. Sigh.


Quoting rosemagic01:

Thats a really odd response. I would definitley be a little hurt by that but maybe your better off with her not in your life now. 


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