Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Florida Moms Florida Moms

Have any other moms had to manufacture a support system?

Posted by   + Show Post

I've been feeling especially frustrated lately that my kids don't have 'grandparents' like I did.  My mother lives right here in the same town, but she hardly ever bothers with the kids, and when I most need a break from them, she is always too busy and 'maybe in a few weeks,' and even when she does 'plan' to take them, it's always an "I might take them Saturday (or Sunday), and I don't even know until like NOON if she is going to. 

My husband's mother lives in SD and his siblings are all far away. 

I feel so ALONE.

When I was growing up, I was at my grandmother's house all the time.  Almost every weekend.  Not because my mother worked, but because Grandma wanted her grandchild around. 

It breaks my heart that my mother can't manage to make time for my kids and lately I am feeling just like "I need a BREAK" and that's making me even more resentful of her apathy towards my kids.  It actually feels like an anxiety attack. 

I can't 'make' her be the grandparent my grandmother was, but I've been trying to find some kind of 'Surrogate Grandparent" program like Big Brothers/Big Sisters, but I"m coming up with nothing.

Has anyone else dealt with this?  What did you do?

by on Aug. 14, 2012 at 8:47 PM
Replies (11-19):
strictmomhere
by Nan on Aug. 18, 2012 at 2:34 PM
My mom is dead she wasnt the best mom but she was a wonderful nana but Only 2 of my kids met her makes me sad but my kids are blessed with my inlaws they take them to GA all summer and do stuff with them during the winter im sorry your mom isnt a good granfma hugs
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
b0bbied0ll
by Bobbie on Aug. 18, 2012 at 3:16 PM

My mom lives in the same town as I do (10 min away actually) and she never does anything with my kids. I have 3 boys ages 9 1/2, 8, & 3 they have never once even stayed the night over at her house... ever. She doesn't work either, it's just excuses after excuses.

Dinimon
by Diana on Aug. 18, 2012 at 3:16 PM
My parents are amazing and ALWAYS willing to take the kids. My husbands parents are ok.. His grandparents.. I don't trust them enough to leave the kids with them. Not because Im scared, I just worry that they're too old and old fashioned.. When my boy was a new born she put the diaper on so tight his little leg turned blue..
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LadyBast
by Brenda on Aug. 18, 2012 at 4:52 PM

I have only one daughter and she goes everywhere I go so nope not in FL would be so nice but she is 26 and disabled :(

flboysmom
by Member on Aug. 18, 2012 at 6:19 PM
1 mom liked this

She finally picked them up at 5:15.  I'm entertaining fantasies of running away while everyone is gone.  :)

fygfitness_mom
by Chris on Aug. 18, 2012 at 11:50 PM

We just moved away from my parents. My parents do work 10+ hour days and have more than a two hour commute to work and home. They are not the fantasy of grandparents, at least not what I imagine when I think of grandparents, but I figure that fantasy is gone. As gone as the typically mom that people still think of.

I do wish my girls had more time with my parents but it just wasn't an option for them. I will say that when I needed my parents they were there for us though. I agree with children seeing their grandparents 1-3 times a week, I would have loved that.

Now that we are in Florida, near their father's parents it is different. We are staying with them while we house hunt but even so they are the type to take their grand kids for the night or a weekend. They entertain the old fashioned idea of grandparents. My girls are not used to this so it will be a while before they adjust.  

debtank
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 6:22 AM

Oh my, I know exactly how you feel. My mother died 13 years ago, and well, grandfathers are just not grandmothers, you know? It was SO hard in the early years, I felt so alone, just like you. It is better now since the children are older. When the kids were little we organized a mommy group, got together every Wednesday, either in someone's home or at a park, or even at the mall if it was cold or rainy. We found that we all lack of support in common. It really helped. 

debtank
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 6:23 AM

BUMP!

flboysmom
by Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 11:18 AM


Quoting debtank:

Oh my, I know exactly how you feel. My mother died 13 years ago, and well, grandfathers are just not grandmothers, you know? It was SO hard in the early years, I felt so alone, just like you. It is better now since the children are older. When the kids were little we organized a mommy group, got together every Wednesday, either in someone's home or at a park, or even at the mall if it was cold or rainy. We found that we all lack of support in common. It really helped. 

Thanks, debtank.  A Mommy's group is a great idea.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)