Have any other moms had to manufacture a support system?
I've been feeling especially frustrated lately that my kids don't have 'grandparents' like I did. My mother lives right here in the same town, but she hardly ever bothers with the kids, and when I most need a break from them, she is always too busy and 'maybe in a few weeks,' and even when she does 'plan' to take them, it's always an "I might take them Saturday (or Sunday), and I don't even know until like NOON if she is going to.
My husband's mother lives in SD and his siblings are all far away.
I feel so ALONE.
When I was growing up, I was at my grandmother's house all the time. Almost every weekend. Not because my mother worked, but because Grandma wanted her grandchild around.
It breaks my heart that my mother can't manage to make time for my kids and lately I am feeling just like "I need a BREAK" and that's making me even more resentful of her apathy towards my kids. It actually feels like an anxiety attack.
I can't 'make' her be the grandparent my grandmother was, but I've been trying to find some kind of 'Surrogate Grandparent" program like Big Brothers/Big Sisters, but I"m coming up with nothing.
Has anyone else dealt with this? What did you do?
My mom lives in the same town as I do (10 min away actually) and she never does anything with my kids. I have 3 boys ages 9 1/2, 8, & 3 they have never once even stayed the night over at her house... ever. She doesn't work either, it's just excuses after excuses.
We just moved away from my parents. My parents do work 10+ hour days and have more than a two hour commute to work and home. They are not the fantasy of grandparents, at least not what I imagine when I think of grandparents, but I figure that fantasy is gone. As gone as the typically mom that people still think of.
I do wish my girls had more time with my parents but it just wasn't an option for them. I will say that when I needed my parents they were there for us though. I agree with children seeing their grandparents 1-3 times a week, I would have loved that.
Now that we are in Florida, near their father's parents it is different. We are staying with them while we house hunt but even so they are the type to take their grand kids for the night or a weekend. They entertain the old fashioned idea of grandparents. My girls are not used to this so it will be a while before they adjust.
Oh my, I know exactly how you feel. My mother died 13 years ago, and well, grandfathers are just not grandmothers, you know? It was SO hard in the early years, I felt so alone, just like you. It is better now since the children are older. When the kids were little we organized a mommy group, got together every Wednesday, either in someone's home or at a park, or even at the mall if it was cold or rainy. We found that we all lack of support in common. It really helped.
Quoting debtank:
Oh my, I know exactly how you feel. My mother died 13 years ago, and well, grandfathers are just not grandmothers, you know? It was SO hard in the early years, I felt so alone, just like you. It is better now since the children are older. When the kids were little we organized a mommy group, got together every Wednesday, either in someone's home or at a park, or even at the mall if it was cold or rainy. We found that we all lack of support in common. It really helped.
Thanks, debtank. A Mommy's group is a great idea.
Wow it is hot!
- flboysmom
on Aug. 14, 2012 at 8:47 PM