Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Ok ladies. I need serious advice. This is for moms. ;-( UPDATE on page 2

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:07 AM
  • 28 Replies

Just a note. I am coming to you all for advice on a tough and sensitive topic. I am not looking for judgement or rude comments. If you are new to this group and are used to other groups such as Mom Confessions where everyone shows their asses on a daily basis, please  close out and move on. I need real mom based advice. Thanks in advance, with that said... 

My MIL got my 8 year old an iPod touch for Christmas. I spent most of the day setting it up, downloading games and setti g parental controls and restrictions on it. I blocked you tube, safari, her ability to add people, see inappropriate content etc...

ff to last night. She has been at my dads, then at my moms house since Tues. I get a call from my mom telli g me she had picked up Rylies iPod to move it and the screen popped on with all kinds of porn on it. Like pics etc. I of course freaked out and asked that my step dad remove it. I was convinced something had happened and that she had been hacked or what have you. That may still have been what originally happened, but my step dad went in to find it all and I get this message from my mom. 

"Destiny the porn site was bookmarked on the Internet.  Also the words fuck my ass were in the search engine.  Does Rylie know how to bookmark?  She said she doesn't.  On our way to Church. "

I was pretty sure she didn't know how to bookmark. 

Later that evening I get this 

"Rylie told me that Bob was flipping through the channels the other night and she saw some porn movies although he didn't  stay own the movie.  She did seem to worry about even telling me this though. ( bob is my FIL) "

I am beyond pissed, scared, dumbfounded, freaked out, and at a loss. Porn videos, and pics???? Are you kidding me? 

I have zero clue where she would have heard that kind of phrase, I put all the parent blocks on her iPod available and clearly it didn't work, I can't imagine why my 8 year old would search this out, and she is coming home tomorrow. I don't know how to approach this subject. It is a sticky situation. I have always made it clear ,y kids can come to me with anything, but, now she is searching this crap behind our backs, and is extremely embarrassed. My mom told me tonight Rylie keeps saying her tummy hurts, and she feels sick. I know she is afraid to come home and have to deal with this, part of that is good as it means she understands this is not acceptable, part not good. I don't want to make her feel like she can't ask me stuff, but she needs to know this is not acceptable and it is a trust issue. 

I am just not sure how to nail down where she heard this crap to begin with, make her feel comfortable talking to me, and make it clear this is unacceptable all at the same time. What would you do. HOW do you talk to your 8 almost 9 year old about this? I haven't even had the birds and bees talk yet, how do we get ff'd  to this?!? I want to puke. 

Have you ever had to deal with this, if so what did you do? If you haven't how would you deal with it? 



Again I am looking for serious and helpful advice. This is not normal behavior, isn't acceptable for the age, and if you think it is, move on. 

My mom did ask my daughter if anyone had ever tried to do things like that to her and she said no, unequivocally. She said Grammy you know I'd tell mommy and you. ;-(

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:07 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Nikki on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:50 AM

How old is she? I kind of get the vibe perhaps your FIL might have looked it up and because he knows it is your daughter's computer,he would let her take the wrap for it? I'm not sure but if the parental locks were on an adult would have had to remove them to get any kind of porn to show up? Perhaps she is nervous because the in laws keep talking about it? I'd ask her,not accuse just ask. If you really do think it's her bring up a random page and ask her to bookmark it for you. Good luck hun.

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 9:01 AM
Good idea to have her book mark something henestly i dont think she typed that in sorry hun:(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Brenda on Dec. 31, 2012 at 9:30 AM
1 mom liked this

No real advice but kids are not dumb and they can figure out how to bookmark and do all kinds of things and yes at 8 also, I am not saying she did it someone could have done it and she may not even know it was on there. I would start by going to a so/so site and saying did you go here and see this or search this??

About all I can say since I cannot help I have no small kids but I would not allow the ipad to go out of my house ever again, it would be a supervised item in my home only until she understands if she did it how bad it is and what she is really doing and this may be hard.. Good luck!

by Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:01 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry but an 8-year-old little girl wouldn't even know those words or be interested in what the search results would produce.

I'd bet money FIL was playing with her ipod. 

by Tricia on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:16 AM
We had a similar problem with my stepson after visiting his mom. I would be careful how intense,you make it for because you really don't know what happened. My stepson was given a laptop a from my mil which we really didn't approve of anyways and looked up getting fucked. Turns out one of his cousins used the phrase and when he asked what it meant the cousin told him to look it up. And no one checked the laptoped or anything else the whole week he,was there and he looked at alot of scary stuff. Personally we shipped the laptop back to my,mil and all the kids are only allowed internet access on the family computer when being monitored. I would say that weather or not she did it herself the idea came from somewhere and that's what is more important to know and discuss. And really be careful with the ipod because the trouble is an 8 year old really doesn't know right from wrong yet when it comes to this kind of stuff and you don't want internet searches teaching them before you get to.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:03 PM
wow, what a tough 1. i think i would just talk to her, stay away from 'leading' questions or statements like "did grandpa show you this??" id try to stay very neutral. if she was the 1 to look it up i would tell her if she hears something that she doesnt know what it means she should come to you and ask you before she goes & looks it up bc the internet isnt always right or appropriate for children (im just telling u what i would tell my dd). if she wasnt the 1 who looked it up or she tells you someone showed it to her, i would confront the person, but not in front of her bc she may feel bad like she 'got them in trouble' & that may cause her to change what she says. it sounds as if shes a truthful & smart kid :) hope this gets resolved quickly & painlessly. let us know how it goes *hugs*
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 1:54 PM
Could her FIL have had her
It kind of sounds like it.
When she comes home, have a calm talk with her, tell her she can talk to you about anything and ask if he had her iPod.
Let her know that it's not right and make sure she doesn't let anyone use it.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 1:56 PM
I would also try to make sure she doesn't take it with her when she goes anywhere.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:54 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm leading towards the fact it wasn't her. I would just tell her that Grandma found somethings on the Ipod that a little girl shouldn't be thinking about or looking at. And ask her if she was and just tell her it's not appropriate for an 8 yr old. I have a 13 yr old boy so I have been there! I just tell him that I know he's curious but it's not something he should be doing but the minute you get your own place...go for it! You know your babygirl. And I think she'll talk to you honestly. And if it was her, I don't think it's something she should be in trouble for the FIRST time.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Destiny on Dec. 31, 2012 at 8:39 PM

She's been home a few hours but I haven't been able to be alone with her to talk yet. She admitted to ,ymmom that she did INFACT search out that phrase. She wouldn't tell my mom where she heard it used or saw it. She was very embarrassed and worried about coming home. I a, just going to do my best to find out where on earth she heard that kind of language in the first place. I think she will tell me if she knows she isn't in trouble. She isn't in trouble for that part of it, but I did tell her the net was off limits as was YouTube. That has always been the rule in our home. I just didn't think there would be any way possible for her to access it when I have disabled it. But after reading numerous posts by irate parents I found out some apps that are kids games will override the block if they accidentally click on one of those stupid ads that drop down in the middle of a game. I am not pleased. 

Thanks for the advice ladies, hopefully I will get to the bottom of this tonight. ;-) 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)