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Men Need Daughters More Than They Need Sons

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:21 PM
  • 7 Replies

Men Need Daughters More Than They Need Sons

by Sasha Brown-Worsham

man needs daughterOne of the first things every one said to me when they found out I was pregnant with my son (my second) was this: "Your husband must be thrilled!" This was soon followed by: "Every man needs a son" and a host of other cliched responses to a male-bearing pregnancy that started to make my skin crawl by the end. Why is it that my husband -- a man who was madly in love with our little girl -- "needed" a son so badly?

It turns out? He didn't. In fact, new research revealed by the New York Times last weekend reveals that daughters (not sons) actually make men better. Daughters make them more generous, more likely to think of others first, and generally more sharing. It's not really that surprising.

My own husband said, while he loves our son (and wanted a son badly), it was our daughter who truly changed him for the better. It was her tiny body that had him spreading more good in the world and wanting to do better. He needed a daughter.

It's not clear why this is true. There are many theories, but it is also something I have seen anecdotally my whole life. Men with sisters make better boyfriends. In general, they are just better people. And the study showed that is true as well. Men with sisters were on whole, more generous than men with no siblings or men with only brothers. They shared better.

In the archaic way of thinking, men need sons to carry on their name and to do big, manly things with them. It's a great idea. In theory. But times have changed. Both men and women can do many of the same things. Girls can throw balls and men can go shopping.

A girl softens a father in ways I had to see with my own eyes to believe. My husband is a very intellectual, strong man, but when it comes to our little girl, he melts a little. I kind of get it, too. Our son has that same effect on me. My daughter I expect to be tough and strong (like me), but my son is foreign. He confuses me and I am tempted to do everything for him just because I am not 100 percent sure he can do it all on his own.

A son is wonderful and I am so happy to have one of each. But every man need to father a daughter. There is no way he can look at women the same way again. Every stripper could be his little girl. It is much harder to objectify women and treat them badly when you have one at home who belongs to you.

So, while I was happy when I found out my son was a boy, it was not the "dream" any more than my daughter was. I was and am thrilled to have one of each, but both are my heart. Every parent should have the opportunity to parent the opposite sex. It does open up a whole other world.

Did your husband change after your daughter was born?

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:21 PM
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Replies (1-7):
a06z08mama
by Bronze Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 5:38 PM

My ex changed for a while after the birth of DD. He went off the deep end when DS was born 21 months later. He never had a place for either child in his eyes. And felt too tied down. Still is that way. Even tho DS adores his father. DD I think she could care less since Ex was never really around anyways. My SO has helped fill that father figure for them. Sad thing is that their father is still in their lives almost daily.   :(

But my SO's relationship with his daughter is amazing. The typical Daddy's little girl. Even now that she is 19 almost 20. She still wants that time with him. And I love it.

Jennifer508
by Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 3:41 AM
My dh and I have 3 children. Our boys are 16 and 14 and our daughter is 5. I do believe when we had her he changed for the better. I think it is so neat to see guys out and about with their little girls. I think it is wonderful how girls look up to their daddies.
meam4444
by Gold Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 9:23 AM

I totally see how they melt his heart.  I do know he really loves his little boy too.  We are expecting our fourth girl (due sept), and people ask him if he really wanted another boy.  And, while I am sure he did, he tends to always respond, once they are placed in your arms, it doesn't matter.  I know once we had our boy, it was so much fun to see how our the dynamics in the family really did change!

Jennifer508
by Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 3:22 PM
I agree! Even if our third and last was another boy we just wanted a healthy baby. I always said I wanted a daughter but I would rather have a healthy boy than an unhealthy girl. Our daughter is healthy;)


Quoting meam4444:

I totally see how they melt his heart.  I do know he really loves his little boy too.  We are expecting our fourth girl (due sept), and people ask him if he really wanted another boy.  And, while I am sure he did, he tends to always respond, once they are placed in your arms, it doesn't matter.  I know once we had our boy, it was so much fun to see how our the dynamics in the family really did change!


Ferrari
by Felicia on Jul. 26, 2013 at 5:51 PM
We have 3 children. 2 boys and a girl. Our boys were born first and our daughter last. Each one of our children melted my husband. I think he changed the moment our first child was born. Each child born after just strengthened that change. I do see how gentle he's become with our daughter. This big burly man can be such a push over when it comes to Madalynn :)
meam4444
by Gold Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 10:54 AM

Exactly!

Quoting Jennifer508:

I agree! Even if our third and last was another boy we just wanted a healthy baby. I always said I wanted a daughter but I would rather have a healthy boy than an unhealthy girl. Our daughter is healthy;)


Quoting meam4444:

I totally see how they melt his heart.  I do know he really loves his little boy too.  We are expecting our fourth girl (due sept), and people ask him if he really wanted another boy.  And, while I am sure he did, he tends to always respond, once they are placed in your arms, it doesn't matter.  I know once we had our boy, it was so much fun to see how our the dynamics in the family really did change!




celestegood
by Gold Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Exactly. We have four sons. We're trying for number five. Hopefully its a girl, but healthy is most important.

Quoting Jennifer508:

I agree! Even if our third and last was another boy we just wanted a healthy baby. I always said I wanted a daughter but I would rather have a healthy boy than an unhealthy girl. Our daughter is healthy;)




Quoting meam4444:

I totally see how they melt his heart.  I do know he really loves his little boy too.  We are expecting our fourth girl (due sept), and people ask him if he really wanted another boy.  And, while I am sure he did, he tends to always respond, once they are placed in your arms, it doesn't matter.  I know once we had our boy, it was so much fun to see how our the dynamics in the family really did change!


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