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In what ways do you build confidence in your children?

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 8:25 AM
  • 6 Replies
1 mom liked this

3 Easy Ways to Build Self-Esteem in Grade Schoolers

Posted by Julie Ryan Evans 
on February 19, 2013 at 9:55 PM

father and sonMany children go about the first years of their lives thinking they're pretty darn amazing. Those with doting parents hear praise for their every little step and are told they can do anything. We build their self confidence up every chance we get, but then eventually, the world starts to bring them down.

From the first snubs by friends to realizing they're not the best (or even close to the best) at some things, the self-esteem of kids is constantly under attack as they grow older. It's reality, but it's also heartbreaking for a parent to see a child once so sure of herself start to question and doubt herself. So how do we as parents help keep on building that inner confidence so that they can stay strong through all of the challenges that come with grade school?

I spoke Nancy S. Buck, PhD, president and founder ofPeaceful Parenting Inc., to get some advice. Last week she provided some tips on how to build self-esteem in toddlers, and this week, she gave some specifically geared toward kids in grade school. Her philosophy is largely the same -- toask questions that prompt them to think about their actions and choices and to then listen and guide them. Here are three easy ones:

1. “What’s great about you today?”

2. “What did you do at school today that makes you feel proud?”

3. “Who did you help today?”

(This can be changed, added to or varied based on a particular value that parents want their children to concentrate on. So if you want your child to be generous you can ask, “How were you generous today?” or if compassion is an important value then the above fits.)

She also added an extra suggestion:

“Is there anything you want to know from me about something I noticed and appreciated in you today?”

If the child says yes, then answer as specifically as you can and make it about a specific quality or characteristic in addition to a positive physical attribute. Like, “In addition to being the most beautiful daughter I have (only one) I was so proud when I saw you generously sharing your favorite toy with your younger brother after school today.”

If your child says no, then don’t give an answer!

In what ways do you build confidence in your children?

 

Image via jennifer donley/Flickr

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 8:25 AM
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Replies (1-6):
MyMysMommie819
by Mandy on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:17 PM

I always tell her that she is beautiful, important, I praise her for all the good things she does!!! =)

Kellbel08
by Kelley on Feb. 27, 2013 at 7:26 PM

We give her constant praise when she does something good, says a new word ect. I always tell her that she is beautiful. We look in the mirror together and i say "do you see that pretty girl in the mirror.. that's Arianna :) If she doesn't understand something or can't figure it out we work on it together and take our time. We always let her know how smart she is and that she can do anything! :) Team work, encouragement, and inscentives :) 

egyptian_mommy
by Michelle on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:47 PM
Compliments, sincere ones, can go a long way I think. Also, not criticizing everything. I try to be very sensitive to ny kids' self esteem because I grew up with none (my father never had anything nice to say to or about me, but plenty of bad things) and I still struggle with it. I don't want that for my kids. I want them to be confident people.
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virginiamama71
by Carrie on Feb. 28, 2013 at 10:28 AM

 Encouraging my son to try new things.

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Feb. 28, 2013 at 10:32 AM

 These are great. I will try asking my son these instead of how was school and what did you do and always get the reply, it was boring and we did nothing.

Quoting Cafe Jenn:

1. “What’s great about you today?”

2. “What did you do at school today that makes you feel proud?”

3. “Who did you help today?”

MaMaLaLa369
by Bronze Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 10:04 AM

i always make sure to let my girls know when they do something good, i praise them liek crazy over it! last week they talked in school about feeling proud. we have the sheets hanging up to write down moments when the girls feel proud of themselves :)

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