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9 year old son acting out! HELP PLEASE!!! (long but please bare with me)

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:23 PM
  • 5 Replies

I just went off on my 9yo DS (spanked & sent him to his room).

Last week (the 21st) I got a call from the school saying they want to emergency remove him from school for the day because he was pretending to shoot classmates with a gun (his forefinger & thumb) along with a few other students. HE got sent home because this was the 2nd time he had been caught doing it at school within 3 days. This evening my 11yo DD came out from the rec room & said DS was coloring on the entertainment center with a crayon!!!

When I went to his room with him to talk to him I asked if he was doing bad things to get my attention & he said no. I asked if he is trying to get me to spend more time with him. He said no. I asked if he was trying to get his dad's attention & he said no. I explained that doing bad things to get attention only gets him in trouble, he gets sent to his room, & no one is around him to pay attention to him. I also explained that if he needs more attention from me or dad he needs to tell us- not act out.

DS was the baby of the family for 6 years then we had another child (who is now 3). The kids also found out a few months ago that their dad has another child by another "woman" (dad is 38 this girl is 21, the other sibling is 19 months old). Dad is not around- barely comes over on his days off & when he does only spends a few hours here (I don't want to get into THAT right now) & the time that he is here he is on his computer playing a game (Minecraft) with the oldest child. DS is technically the middle child of his dad's (I have 5 kids, MY oldest is not my ex's but together we have 4 kids plus he has this other child). IDK if what I am getting is middle child syndrome or not.

I don't know what to do about my DS. My mom has mentioned before that DS has mentioned killing himself before (when he was over at her house- I don't recall the exact situation) & thinks I need to have him talk to a counselor. As a mother I know I probably should get him into counseling. But as a SINGLE mom of 5- I just don't have the time (I know- FIND IT). I work full time, the older kids are involved in activities that require time in the evenings after work & school. Should I get him involved in something as well? He has never expressed an interest in anything other than football (which I refuse to let him do because at the age of 9 he is only 45 pounds & considered underweight for his age). My oldest plays soccer & DS does seem to like kicking around the ball in the backyard with his big brother.

Any advice or suggestions (constructive not slamming) would be greatly appreciated!

by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:23 PM
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Replies (1-5):
johnny4ever
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Yesterday at 5:59 AM
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:01 AM

Talk to his Guidance conselor at school....I am worried if he gets ignored he might hurt himself.HUGS!!!!I have a 9 year old boy also.He only sees his Dad on weekends so that is our problem.Hubby works alot of hours.

CampClan
by Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 9:46 AM
I did ask if he felt we didn't spend enough time with him & he said no. He told me that he was mad because the one boy got him & another boy in trouble. I told him that boy didn't get him in trouble- choosing to do the same thing got him in trouble.

But I will talk to the guidance counselor sometime this month. Thanks.


Quoting johnny4ever:

Talk to his Guidance conselor at school....I am worried if he gets ignored he might hurt himself.HUGS!!!!I have a 9 year old boy also.He only sees his Dad on weekends so that is our problem.Hubby works alot of hours.

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johnny4ever
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Yesterday at 5:59 AM
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 9:50 AM


Quoting CampClan:

I did ask if he felt we didn't spend enough time with him & he said no. He told me that he was mad because the one boy got him & another boy in trouble. I told him that boy didn't get him in trouble- choosing to do the same thing got him in trouble.

But I will talk to the guidance counselor sometime this month. Thanks.


Quoting johnny4ever:

Talk to his Guidance conselor at school....I am worried if he gets ignored he might hurt himself.HUGS!!!!I have a 9 year old boy also.He only sees his Dad on weekends so that is our problem.Hubby works alot of hours.

HUGS to you Mama!Sounds like your plate is definitely full

ivylynn0711
by Ivy on Dec. 29, 2012 at 3:47 PM

my son is only 7 and we have around about the same probelms he was wanting to hurt his self by biting himself and running into walls and stuff like that theres more but you get the jist of it. andways things just kept getting worse he owuld hurt the 3 younger kids when he got angry and i asked him the same thing if he needed more attention and he would say no but yet the stuff didnt stop so finally i took him to the hospital and they admitted him for 7 days and said nothing was wrong put him on a medicine and sent him home that was okay for about a couple weeks but now its right back to getting worse he talks to his guidance counselor at school and sees the nurse there and they do it during school hours so it wont conflict with your schedule and he tells his stuff that he dont tell me so that might help your son and if they think its something more they can send him to get help at a mental health clinic not sure what yours would be called but ours here are called the talbert house or center pointe. he wont be admitted or anything like that unless they see that he is a big threat to others around him or hisself. i hope everything works out for you i know its not easy and sorry that your having to deal with it

Aruiz188
by New Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:10 PM
I know you dont like the idea of football but w/e positive intrigues him you should support it because sports teach discipline and in some cases kids look at their coaches as role models even father figures. Maybe thats what he needs, a positive male figure who teaches him the importance of being disciplined. I was a flag football coach for kids ages6-13 during the summer and a lot of them were very small and frail and got hurt but its part of sports, getting hurt is bound to happen but whatever he'll learn about discipline is worth taking a chance of a few bumps, bruises, and breaking a sweat. The route he's taking is one of the worse and will progressively get worse. I have a b.a. in psychology and actually learned a lot about cases like this. Maybe try family counseling, there should be some sort of assistance available to help you pay for this. One of my professors in college who is also a psychiatrist said she would adjust payments for certain people . I remember her always telling us stories about behavior issues w/her clients. Most of the time its a way of taking control in an unbalanced environment or hiding what they truly feel to not appear weak and affected. Even though he told you its not cuz hes not getting attention who's to say he'll even admit that cuz once again he wants to appear not weak or affected to hide the true feelings.
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